song 2

Pretty much all I got..........

this is me

today.....



Candlebox

Far Behind

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And not maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And now maybe
Your friends they stand beside they watch you crumble
As you falter to the ground
And now maybe
Your friends they stand beside as you were flying
Oh you were flying oh so high
But then some day people look at you for what they call their own
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hear you calling home
But then some day we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
But you left me far behind
Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
No, no, no
Couldn't share the pain they watch you suffer
Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes
But I live with what I've known
Yes maybe we might share in something great
But won't you look at where we've grown
Won't you look at where we've gone
But then someday comes tomorrow holds a sense of what I fear for you in my mind
As you trip the final line
And that cold day when you lost control
Shame you left my life
So soon you should have told me
But you left me far behind
Now maybe I didn't meant to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
No, no, no
Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
No maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
I said times have changed your friends
They come and watch you crumble to the ground
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hold you down
Hold you down
Maybe brother maybe love I didn't mean to treat you bad
But you left me far behind
Left me far behind
Left me far behind

Update

Ok here is the scoop.

Yesterday I finished the hardest fucking Biology final I have ever taken in mylfe (MY life)...I had to sit through 7 hrs of lecture on DVD as I wasn’t prepared...as usual...afterwhich....... I took the exam. I believe I may swing a B...that would make me happy...Today b4 work and after I am wrapping up my essays on the environment...and tomorrow typing them up and sending them in as well as a final evaluation for English 355...after that I am FINITO!!!!

sighhh

I only have myself to blame...........for my procrastinational ways.........next yr I will be better......

Well that’s what I tell myself...

Yuck

Apparently an 84 yr old Thai man in Bangkok had an ear itch…..the itch had become so intense he had used cotton buds to try and relieve it, but he scratched so hard his eardrums ruptured and started bleeding. When the doctors went to examine him they found the reason for the insane itching. Seems around 50 maggots were making a nice cozy home in the mans ears……I shit you not….The Dr’s used tweezers and a suction device to suck the things out……and are holding him in observation to make sure he doesn’t become the 1st human fly….


Moving on……..

I am now going to start Biology……

After reading this………I am not so sure I wanna.
Maggot Story

S&C

Sex& the City on TBS is a grrls best friend.......

It is FABULOUS!!!

I so love that show........I am going to buy every season on DVD as soon as I can afford it........nothing makes me smile and giggle like that show.......it truly is a Godsend on a bad day........

Something else that makes giggle and smile like a school grrl is my new found friend Miss Ageless........she is FABULOUS too!

I am off to buy some coffee Ice Cream from Haggen Daaz
The 3rd thing that makes me smile......a pint of lovely H&G...

Tis Great!

Feeling Korny

Music fits my mood.......
I have mentioned this.....just a few times...

Seeing how I had a blow out with my brother.......

A lil dose of Korn seemed to be the best way to vent my frustration......

I recommend them to anyone who needs a good dose of an exceptionally talented aggressive ROCK band........

This song here.....I can totally identify with today........there are several more, but I am feeling selfish....

BTW
Korn Greatest Hits is an excellent CD.........a great compilation of good tunage.


KORN

"Did My Time"

Realized I can never win
Sometimes I feel like I have failed
Inside where do I begin
My mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we suppose to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me

Sometimes I can never tell
If I've got something after me
That's why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we suppose to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me

Betrayed
I feel so enslaved
I really Tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me

Oh God, the anger's changing me

Grrrrrrr

So can things get any better in my life?

That would have to be a no.....Hell no!


I wake up this morning.....make my coffee and the 1st thing that happens is I have this HUGE argument with Mr.C.......over what else?

$$

He seems to think I owe him such and such...when I don’t.......

He then goes on to be a complete ass......tell me to change the situation seeing how I am so unhappy........yadda yadda.......I responded by telling him to change it.......

so needless to say we are not speaking........over $.

Such a joke........

Moving on......

I must now run and do the bank thang......pay some bills......and return here to finish me Biology assignments.......I will be so happy when I am finished with all of this.......as the weather here is beautiful.....and I sure wouldn’t mind being out in it today......would alleviate much of this stress......yes indeedy


In other news....

I got zilch!~

I get back to ya..

Knackered

I am finished with Political Science. I now know more about the Government than I did....well A lil bit more. I am glad I learned these new things.......but as with most of my classes, I will forget the bulk of the knowledge I have attained in the next 36 hours. Tomorrow is Biology day....as well as Wed-Friday......I am just glad I am finished........I have been going non-stop 'cept for dinner since 10AM..........I feel like a zombie and look like one as well........time to pass out so I can get up and start all over again in the morrow....................

So goodnight academic world…I shall return to defeat and conquer the Biology beast….

O boy.

Now I know I’ve lost it…



Oh and thank you for your comment Aussie……….

I am holding my own……….
Barely.

release

When I am stressed......as I am now with the tons of assignments I am struggling with ( I am 60.3% finished BTW) well........I throw on Motown......always have......it gives me release for some flippin reason, so for Coleyz song of the day I have chosen the following......


Enjoy.
and
Relax.



4 Tops
I need your lovin'

Baby I need your lovin'
Baby I need your lovin'
Although you're never near
Your voice I often hear
Another day, another night
I long to hold you tight
'Cause I'm so lonely
Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'
Some say it's a sign of weakness
For a man to beg
Then weak I'd rather be
If it means havin' you to keep
'Cause lately I've been losin' sleep
Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'
Empty nights
Echo your name
Sometimes I wonder
Will I ever be the same
Oh yeah, when you see me smile
You know
Things have gotten worse
Any smile you might see
Has all been rehearsed
Darlin', I can't go on without you
This emptiness won't let me live without you
This loneliness inside me darlin'
Makes me feel not alive, honey
Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

Busy

So busy.
I have done an entire Web Project, or should I say a multi-media project for English 355 and I am still in the process of typing out 5 assignments for P.S.

I then have a Biology final to take tomorrow...as well write 9 summaries on the environment.

O joy......
I wanna die...

So 4-give me I most likely wont be updating anything of interest 4 a few days...

Such is the life of a college grrl on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

Kidnapped

Last night I was trying to concentrate on my studies. For the most part I was pissed. Pissed @ my Printer. It wouldn’t print. I tried everything......I did. looked in the manual. did the software checks......all of it...........the paper was going through, but once it came through the other end......there was absolutely nothing printed on the paper.......I was not happy. Then the paper jammed.........ok........now what!? I look into the printer.......and there.......where you feed the paper.....was my black hair scrunchie.......O gosh!. How did you get in there?...I had found the printing jamming culprit! I nabbed the scrunchie....tucked it in my pocket.......(for later use, of course) and printed a test page. 'volia!!!

Printing malfunction fixed..

After I had brilliantly fixed my printing malfunction.... N2 called me......she bought a new car.....wanted to swing by and show me......sure......y not? So here she comes....shows me her new 2004 Mazda......very nice ride BTW.....then proceeds to tell me I should accompany her to her house for Poker night........they do poker night every Friday night........I start to say n...b4 I can finish she says...."oh just for a minute.......it will be fun" I say "I don’t know how to play poker!" ( I know how to play strip poker, and I have never lost!).......anywayz.........she wont take no for an answer and nabs me. We then arrive at her house......and Willard and Israel try to explain to me the rules of Texas Hold em'......I ask for a book.........like the scholastic genius I am...so as to get familiar with the rules and such......Israel makes me a cheat sheet....which only gets ink all over me......he used a permanent marker which was permanently all over my arm.....ok… there were a total of 6 of us.......Aim her BF Tantrum, Nice Guy.,N2, Willard and myself.......we all sit and play poker......I did rather well.........made it to the last round.............when N2 decides to leave and visit her mother who had just returned from Las Vegas........”this family is full of gamblers I'm thinking”........so she leaves me......*sniff*...But....I do OK........then the boys want beer. I call N2.........she comes home with beer and mother in tow......mommy is wasted from her trip back from sin city........we then decide to go to mums pub..(she owns a pub).......so N2, myself, and mum all arrive at the pub......I order a beverage ...N2 does as well.....now it doesn’t take N2 much to become intoxicated........2 drinks and she is rubbing her face and making faces in turn making me laugh so hard I am falling all over myself.........well in the process of laughing…. this man.....BI GUY ....comes over and starts chatting us up. Seems N2 knows him from playing poker at another establishment...well he is a balding, no wait, he is bald.......average looking effeminate man........my gadar is just off the charts with this guy.......he is staring at me and then asks if he can join us........N2 who is pleasantly buzzed at this point says "sure".....I give her that "I am going to kill u look"...she ignores me......Grrrrr.......ok here he comes......sits next to me and begins asking me if I am in love.....as he would like to take me out sometime...........I ignore him...I was then rubbing my neck as I had a kink and he begins to rub it for me..........Willard and the gang had arrived by this time and he is just a laughing at me as I have this look of fear and confusion on my face......who said he could touch me? OMG!!! So I then politely tell him I am fine......he says OK HONEY...o boy........I then excuse myself.........he asks N2 if I am involved... she lied for me......thank God.......as when I returned I told him that no I am not in love, but involved...with Israel!!! Israiel was all to happy to be nominated….big grin on his mug now……...... hey I lied....but can u blame me? BI GUY was a nice guy, but......not my cuppa tea...
So the night ended very soon afterward............all had fun.......and next weekend the gang and I are celebrating completing my first year at WSU.

Moving on........

I get up this AM....making coffee.......minding my own p's&q's....when I hear screaming from next door.........my aunts place..........I run to the back to hear Lyndy threatening KuntJoy with physical violence.......I am turning and heading next door to find out what’s what when in walks Mr.C.........he then tells me that Lyndy has hit Aunt L , knocking her down and giving her a shiner. I don’t care to hear anymore and immediately call the police. I am on the phone with them when I see KuntJoy out front on the phone with the police as well............after I make the report I walk out in time to see the sheriffs walking up with a machine gun "I am not kidding….a machine gun"....asking "Where's the Gun!!??"........what gun?............KuntJoy tells them he has it and not to worry but to arrest Lyndy.....WHAT GUN!!!??????.....Apparently after Lyndy hit aunt L she went and got her gun and was going after him........she wouldn’t give it to KuntJoy........it was Mr. C who convinced her to give him the gun....thank God.........as God knows what she would have done......turns out it wasn’t loaded, but still.......Ok......so let me sum this up........Lyndy is this 40ish yr old drunken loser guy that Aunt Glo has adopted as one of her projects. She seems to think she can fix him. Well he has been nothing but trouble since he came on the scene a yr ago......but Glo being Glo......she wont listen as we have all warned her he would one day physically hurt someone.........either KuntJoy or her............well..........I guess...unfortunately we were right.............as apparently he showed up at Glo's home this AM........intoxicated........and proceeded to start arguing with Aunt L.......she then proceeded to pack up her belongings as she was going to a motel.........when the altercation took place.........she said something to him........he hit her.......she is a 67 yr old women prone to heart attacks. (he’s a daisy huh?)...well this is when she grabs the gun and well.....i have divulged the rest...

The police hauled off Lyndy and all was well once again at my Dysfunctional families residence. I haven’t been back to see how everyone is doing. seeing how KuntJoy is back from treatment ( he made it a whole 36 hours this time........tis a record) I figure he can handle the situation.....

Wow.......

My life is never dull.........or should I say my extended family is never dull……this is why I am so as my fandamily says “anti-social”……..this sort of rubbish tends to make me want to stay on my side of the fence…indefinitely..


I do have something that is making me Grin like a shot fox.......its a under-down... type of a Prezzy.........meaning a nice happening as of late....

coleyzzz 

Song

Happy Earth Day!!
4/22/05
For those of you who don’t know what Earth Day is..........well it is a global holiday to celebrate the wonder of life on our planet, or something like that.....Earth Day Page

Moving on....

I am extremely eclectic with my music. Music is actually the best way to tell what kind of a mood I am in....well I have had roomies and friends tell me this on occasion.

So this is my state of mind today.....
I have always been a big fan of AL...more so as a solo artist than when she was in the Eurythmics .......her solo work is more......I don’t know........

genuine.


Annie Lennox

"Money Can't Buy It"

Money can't buy it... baby
Sex can't buy it... baby
Drugs can't buy it... baby
You can't buy it... baby

I believe that love alone might do these things for you
I believe in love alone yeah yeah

Take the power to set you free
Kick down the door and throw away the key
Give up your needs...
Your poisoned seeds
Find yourself elected to a different kind of creed

I believe that love alone might do these things for you
I believe that love alone might do these things for you
I believe in the power of creation
I believe in the good vibration
I believe in love alone yeah yeah

Won't somebody tell me what we're coming to
It might take forever till we watch those dreams come true
All the money in the world won't buy you peace of minde
You can have it all but you still won't be satisfied

Money can't buy it... baby
Sex can't buy it... baby
Drugs can't buy it... baby
You can't buy it... baby

Now...
Hear this
Pay attention to me
'cause I'm a rich white girl and it's plain to see
I got every kind of thing that the money can buy
Let me tell you all about it
Let me amplify
I got DIAMONDS...
You heard about those
I got so many that I can't close my safe at night in the dark
Lying awake in a sick dream

I believe that love alone might do these things for you
I believe that love alone might do these things for you
I believe in the power of creation
I believe in the good vibration

Sour

Recently I have found a new candy that I am having a love/hate relationship with. Altoids Curiously Strong Raspberry and Orange Sours. Now I love sour candy...ALOT.... I always have.... and these lil tinies are right up my alley...plus the lil tin they come in is rather nifty as you can save it for tacks or Advil...or whatever...anyway...I have been nibbling on.... or should I say sucking on... these sour A's for the past week as they are great at taking my mind off of smoking which BTW I am doing really well.... and MR. C has quit completely...the problem with my sour tinies is they make me grimace and squirm like I am about to start labor...and not only that...if you eat too many...which I do....they tend to make the top layer of skin on your tongue peel and patch...eventually falling off....which in all honesty is...... NASTY...first I thought it was only me ......but I seen N2 making my infamous face and asked her if she was eating a sour A......"Yea........I hate em!!" "OK...y r u eating them?"... "Cos I love the sour rush I get!!" .... YES!!!.......so its not just me......she also has the shedding tongue trouble.....so we both decided to quit cold turkey or seek help...."YES. My name is Coley and I am an Altoidaholic"...
Or forever keep our mouths shut for fear of someone seeing our handicapped tongues and running in disgust and fear......"THEY HAVE ALTOIDIDIS!!!!"

Moving on.....


Work was LAUGHS tonight.....at one point I had N2 laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t see for the tears running down my face....we really do have a great time together.......maybe cos we HATE everyone...well not everyone...hates a strong word.....we just see things and people in the same light............also .....L Lady was present as well as the MDQ. We all had a great time......it was nice.....I left feeling like I accomplished something as well as the big grin I had on me face.....friends can do that to a gal.

I have the next week off......Lavender was nice enough to make sure that I did..... for my finals and such.....so that’s what I will be doing......time to put my nose to the bookstone and get er done.

I do have something to say.......well for me more than anything...I was reading my past Posts...and some of them I am proud of...but..... most of them I am not.........I wasn’t aware I had such potty fingers AKA mouth.....so I am in the future going to refrain with the profanity.....and try and write how I conduct myself day to day.........with a lil style and bit of class.........I wont stop with my nicknames and "lil's" or my other 'cute' methods of writing......cos I do act that way in my daily life......with my closest friends only.........but......this here Blog is just a reflection of me....not the whole me.........its a therapeutic way for me to vent and discover things about myself that I might not otherwise see..........

That’s all.

Ok.......

Oh and again........N2....thank you for the invite.......I will be going out with you and the gang next weekend......after my term is over..........although....... I wont be accompanying u camping.... and not becos you think I am a "Prima-Donna".......

I just don’t like cold.........bugs....cold.....bugs........

that’s all.....

nothing really....

;)

just keep our holidays indoors..........

room service and cable TV.

Works 4 me.

DeskTop

So I am posting AGAIN ..... I guess there are other more horrible things I could be doing......I am just a Blogaholic these last few days........perhaps it has to do with the fact I don’t have anyone to talk to....so I guess writing me thoughts down is better than sitting here talking to myself...although I have had some of my best conversations with myself.....

So I guess I should blog about what I actually got accomplished today......read a butt load about politics, took my LAST exam in my HS class......'human sexuality'....which basically covered homosexuality,mastrubation,oral sex,and why women dislike the missionary position...seems that most women feel this position has only one true benefit....the intimacy benefit,(kissing) but according to a high % of women the benefits stop there......Most men are considerably heavier than women and therefore they are having to support the bulk of their weight, also in this position the woman feels 'pinned to the mat' giving a woman a feel of having little or no control, which seems to be why allot of American men do like this position as they have all of the control. There are other factors to why women are not as apt to like the missionary position, lack of 'fondling' and other 'pleasant" touching bennies. I was truly not aware of the % of women who disliked this........so I thought I would be cool about shit and share my newfound knowledge....and for those who want to know ........the position that is favored by a high % of women is..........female on-top.......a lil tidbit for the fellas out there .....as this is what my college textbook says......just passing on me new-found knowledge......
And that concludes today’s segment of Coleyz Sex-Ed Lesson 101.

Moving on...

I have been playing with my Desktop setting today (in between my studies) and I am just in awe of some of the shit I didn’t know I could do. I feel like an idiot. Or maybe I just never tried to add more than my background imagery, anyways.......I now have several pics on me desktop of Angelina and Darren......they actually look kinna cute together, but beautiful people usually do look good together. Beautiful people doing beautiful things.

I am also not very happy.......well I am actually quite happy, but this lil happening isn’t making me feel good. My Kitty Cat Domino is shedding in a big way. Which is normal this time of year....she also has a habit of rolling in the dirt outside in the road. She has carved a small enclave for herself where she can roll and scratch herself. This is all groovy, great, and grand until she comes trotting into the house and onto my bed.....dusty paws and dirty furs.......not a good combo.....so in she goes with me to get her ( lately, nightly bath).....in the bathroom. She comes a running out looking like a drowned rat......but about an hour later she looks so purty and smells so nice. This is where my unhappiness comes into play. I love my cat....like most cat lovers do...allot.......and I love to hold her and pet her.....and this is where the problem comes into play......since she started shedding, I have started getting some kind of an allergic reaction to her........my neck gets all itchy and red......from where she lies....at first I though it might be from her getting bathed, but no I have had to do this for the last 7 months. The only thing I can think of is there is something in her shedding.........I don’t know........but until she is finished she has to be booted out..*sniff*....

She can sleep with Mr.C.....least she wont be alone....

I guess I wont have to bathe her now........seeing how she wont be cuddling my pillow and trotting her dusty paws in here anymore.........that’s one Bennie...

OH MY GOD!......thats it! I am now officially LAME.

Talking about my cat in a BLOG........I need therapy...or a good night of drinking and flirting to get me back to meself again.....

That's the plan Man.............

School will be done on................

lemme see

The 29th......

Then I will be Whiskey Bound baby!!

Look out!!


'sigh'
cat-blogging....Jesus,Mary and Joseph...what next......start talkin 'bout my tulips or some such shit......Lord.......

Why Not

I had someone email me about a Post I had written awhile back....Wanting to know where it was..I told him to LOOK IN MY ARCHIVES.....but alas......he couldn't figure it out.....or may I say....he was to LAZY to look for it...........so here you go buddie.......

I really don't know what the big deal is........
I thought it was rather insulting.....

:(::::::

ah well....
My invisible ass post

Quick

This will be a quickie. I am in the process of waking up...yes I know its 2PM, but it takes me a sec. After this long and streeeeeennnnnuuuuuoussss process… I must shower and start on these assignments................I can hardly wait, the anticipation is killing me.

Maybe it will. Then I won’t have to worry 'bout it no more....

Just joshing...

I do have a quick bitch today...people who call me celly and don’t leave a message. Knowing about caller ID… thinking they can just call and you will call back to me is just plain lazy. I need to know what it is you are calling 4.... cos maybe I don’t wanna talk bout that certain subject...or maybe your just calling to tell me to be somewhere at a certain time...or MAYBE that’s what VM is for...to leave one a message ...message...get it?

I know
Tis a petty bitch...but its all I got today

I must admit I am in a good mood today...

Might be cos of that new Aussie shampoo I bought...or just cos its a beautiful day. Either way

Is a nice day

Now I get to spend it with me nose in a book..........

YAY!

Cookies

I am getting ready to watch a DVD...BUT I had an overwhelming desire to blog just one more time tonight...I couldn’t tell you why.... whoever you might be....

Mr.C just baked me some chocolate chip cookies and now I am so full I could burst...seems to be the new norm for me...eat too much.... feel like death...then have a huge guilt trip and promise myself I wont eat again for a week...yea...that about sums up my consumage habit as of late.... see I haven’t been working out lately...with the rib injury ...which BTW has healed almost 97.3 %...and the stress from school and Mr.C's recent health issues...I just haven’t had the time nor the energy nor the drive to want to step myself into a sweaty frenzy. I do believe I need to begin anew tomorrow( working out) as I am not liking the lil pudgy in me mid-section ...no I am not liking it one bit.

So like I have always said...if ya don’t like it...CHANGE IT!!
Or CHARGE IT!.......really just depends on one's state of mind........

don’t cha think?

I do have a big fat Thank YOU to say to me Boss Lavender........she told me I could leave early....6hrs early actually......if I wanted..and well of course I wanted to.......who the hell wouldn’t?......well those who need the $ of course........anyway........I just wanted to take the time to tell her again that she is absolutely F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!......although.....I did tell her that on me way out the door...well I was actually skipping out the door........but no one actually seen me skipping...how utterly embarrassing that woulda been!


O and again .......THANK YOU Lavender....as she also let me have this Friday off....which actually gives me.....lets see........Friday thru Thursday off....

O HELL YES!!

So I will have absolutely no excuses for not completing my assignments....

el'zilcho excuso......


O and just one more thing......

I want to wish Kuntjoy the best of luck ....he is leaving tomorrow for treatment..28 days 2 B exact.........so I hope he does well and opens himself up to the counselors......I do have me fingers crossed for him......plus he will be in my prayers.......as I really want him to get well......I truly do....regardless of what an ass he can be.....

SO....
Good LUCK CUZ!!!

and with that

I am off

Sunset

Since I didnt have to work a full shift tonight...I thought I would take myself on a nice mental holiday.....and seeing how I am such a nice grrl.....I thought I would allow me readers to come along.....

Rush

Rush...that will be me for the next 10 days....Miss Rush........trying to get in all of those last minute assignments that I should have finished 3 weeks ago.........but alas...seeing how I am the queen of procrastination...it didn’t happen. It also didn’t help the Mr. C was hospitalized...no that didn’t help whatsoever...tends to distract one from her studies...........BUT I can and will do this...as I have played catch-up in one day in my past Portland college days............we used to wait.... my friends and I...until the day b4 all of our labs were due...we would all meet in the computer lab and work together.... about 5 of us.... on 13 Labs.........it would take us 12 hrs...and when we left we looked like we had been the victims of some crazy coercive interrogation tactics .......didn’t matter......the work was done and the mission accomplished...if I could do that I can certainly write 7 small essays on politics .........especially when it is a subject I find to be so interesting.

Although, the biggest bitch will be the biology exam I have to take.........as I hate biology.........I received a b+ on my last exam...so I must absorb some of the material...how I don’t know as I tend to catch myself watching the lint float in the air above me.........that’s how interesting I find the subject to be.

I don’t.


Mr. C has just informed me that I need to take him to his MRI on Thursday..........it is his last and final test to be put back on the LIST...he is pretty jacked, as am I. I hope all goes well...cos he really needs this to work out...we both do.


I must be off.............work beckons...........School beckons.............life.

Oh how I need a break...a holiday.... a NORMAL ONE!..... maybe I will take one after all of this insanity is over...........

I just might.


Coleyzzz CD pick for the day

robyn -robyn is here
Is an old release......but still a good one.........

Human Sexuality

I just took one of my last exams in Human Sexuality.... and wouldnt't you know it...I actually learned something. I mentioned here the other day about how one needs to be happy in order to offer anything to another in regards to a stable relationship...and well that was the jest of my exam today...that exact topic.


Example
The first prerequisite for a loving relationship, therefore, is a positive self-concept (good self-esteem).

I just love it when I am right about something that I had yet to even study...but in theory it really is just common sense.... although not everyone buys that. Which goes back to what I was saying b4...some individuals feed off of love in order to make themselves feel good about themselves...its almost a type of an addiction. Wait...

It is an addiction.

I guess I am rambling on about this as I found this to be extremely ironic...as I am in a similar situation...or was. I decided to just maintain a friendship with Shocker...as I would hate to lose that.

Moving on...

Has anyone else watched the Gotti's? O...MY.... GOD!......I am not one for reality TV...and as a general rule I don't really watch it...but it came on today while I was studying so I was pretty much just listening to it.... why would anyone want to watch a bunch of spoilt rich Italian teenagers run around like they own the planet?.......I don't know........the worst is the friend or whatever he is Robert.....I swear he is gay and the dreadlocks.........Pulleeeeeaseeeeeeee.....I have never seen a gay, whiney, Italian-dego snob b4.....and I have to say ........its not something I wanna do again anytime to soon.......

I am not prejudice against Italians by any means.......B4.......I used to only date Italian guys.......and only Italians.........I loved them...dark and handsome..yum.......but after a few yrs........I learned that I cannot take the famous Italian temper nor the famous Italian infidelity........

Mama Mia......nata fo me.........

I must be off as I have to finish another exam and start my web pages...........

OH
I did take some time to learn about track backs today and I am now officially a Tracky....meaning I am capable of pinging and being pinged...although I doubt very much that I say anything really worthy of the great and powerful PING.

But

U never know..........

Stranger things have happened.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Calazone

Tonight we had Calzone from Pappa Jon’s take-n-Bake and let me tell you son... that is one helluva pizza pie. I am so bloody full right now I don’t know whether to throw up and pass out or pass out and throw up........either or.....I am too full for color TV. Speaking of TV...I just finished watching Smokey and The Bandit.....now I have seen this movie a zillion times.....but every time its on I find myself watching it like it was the first time.......I think its becos of the car.....the Trans Am muscle car....as a kid it was my dream car.......I swore to high heaven that I would have one when I grew up...and well I did .....sorta........I bought a 83 Camaro with 350 V8,dual exhaust, T-Tops with aluminum wheels when I was 21. It was ..as they say.....a bitchin Camaro......I remember getting 3 speeding tickets the first week of owning that crazy -cool- fast car......o how I had fun in me Camaro.........but as all things......it came to a screaming stop when it was stolen and literally blown up.......all I got back was the shell......all black and charred........even my wheels were melted and gooey.......was a sad end to a beautiful ride.

Lets see....what else do I have to Blog about today.......nadda really..........spent some quality time with the little brother........he went out last night and was sporting a hellashish hangover....too many shots of Crown and other alcoholic concoctions of different sorts... I pretty much made sure he drank plenty of fluids and ate..........and listened to those famous words of " I am never doing this again"

Sure

uh huh


Moving on....


I have been sleeping rather well lately which is all good.....it feels nice to wake up after a nice night of sleeping.....although my dreams have been a bit crazy and weird. I dreamt about me mom and Shocker last night......not a good combiantion..me mother didn’t like Shocker....so the dream was basically me trying to stop a feud which, as in life........wouldn’t have been an easy task to achieve......I don’t know what the dream signifies, I don’t believe in dreams having any real meaning anyway.........but I am open to debate as I try and have an open mind about everything. Until someone can prove to me that dreams have any meaning sides that of ones brain spewing out random images and emotions, I will just chalk them up to ........well......being what I said.....A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.....
So there you go.....


I must be off and finish a part of an assignment I have been avoiding. This next 11 days will be a bitch as I am going to be playing major catch-up.

story of my semester.

Happy

I am using this today as a way to get out what I am currently feeling...well I use this venue everyday as a way to get out what I am currently feeling...

I actually borrowed this from someone's Blog today as it totally reflects my current mood...

Here it is...
The way I currently perceive me....
How I C ME


How I FEEL ME.....

Here I am......

In all MY splendor...


have you ever taken a step or two back and came to the most absurd realization that the person you think you are, is in fact a lie?

have you ever taken the blanket that covers your lies, your insecurities, your fucked up realities away and saw… nothing?

have you ever just wanted so badly to just be who everyone else can be. Live how everyone else can live. Breathe a breath at a time.

have you ever had someone tell you you look well, happy. And want to slap them for lying to your face.

have you ever said out loud that you just need to be alone. When in reality you are lonely.

have you ever wanted to just stop.

just, fucking stop.



Moving on........

I had another not so nice convo today with Shocker......so I asked NB for some advice regarding my current shocking situation......she told me I should walk away as there are more things about Shocker that bug me than good.......which I guess in a sense is true. I mean.......there are things that just simply BUG me so much that I literally want to throw the phone across the room 68% of the time we are chatting up my minutes. But the remaining 32% of the time things are pretty copasetic. Is 32% enough? I don’t know........I just don’t know anything at the moment. All I do know is that I am not happy. ......and when one is with someone or sort of with someone that should be one's state of grace shouldn’t it?

Happy.
Happy?

Do we really get happy from the relationship we are in? Isn’t happiness a state of mind? Doesn’t happiness reflect what we really feel about ourselves? I have always thought so.........I have never been one to rate my current happiness by the relationship I am in at any given moment. I have never looked to another to make me happy nor have I ever allowed myself to be someone's happy whore...I believe that in order to be truly happy one needs to like oneself ...then and only then...can one offer themselves 100% to another and be HAPPY in a relationship..........

So I guess I have answered my own question now haven’t I?

I am currently not HAPPY with mlyfe (MY LIFE)…..and until I am ……I am not capable of giving someone else anything positive. or anything that resembles a happy relationship.

I truly believe this is so blatantly obvious when Shocker talks to me….My UNHAPPINESS....I have even pointed it out…….have even said “Hey Shocker…..Why would u wanna be with someone who makes u feel like this…or.....more importantly.....one who DOESN'T make you feel like that….?”

Shocker doesn’t know…….well…not totally true...……..
Shocker plays the luv card……..but I have seen enough card tricks in my time to know when one should fold their hand…

And ask for a new dealer.

HeartBurn

Well I have heartburn and heartache.........not a nice combo......too many Chimichanga Burrito’s/Shockeroo ordeals….......

I feel a bit overdosed/overwhelmed ...a bit well-done/redundant..full-up/empty... all of which... are not good combo's.......

Obviously..

So work went as well as work can go. I worked with the Mormon Dancing Queen and Tissue...although Tissue left 4 hrs early leaving me and the MDQ to our own devices. We managed quite well as we kick ass together....but the poor MDQ was in a rather foul mood as he really dislikes Tissue.....she has a tendency of asking his opinion on topics that do not apply to our working environment.
For instance: One day she was working with him and out of the blue asked him if he thought it was odd or inappropriate that her husband masturbated if she hadn’t had sex with him in 3 days.....the MDQ was a bit shocked and taken aback as this came out of left field.....he calmly told her that he didn’t think this was an appropriate topic for him to comment on and he felt very uncomfortable discussing anything that had to do with her husband and his self pleasing fetishes.(I, myself had a few scenario answers for her question/dilemma, but as luck would have it she didn’t ask me.....I cant imagine why?)

I remember while he was re-living this horrid experience how his demeanor changed…. the MDQ is usually a very mellow, laid- back guy…with a very sweet disposition…. but when he talks about Tissue or if she comes within 3 FT. of him…he looks like a man possessed….it would be almost comical if you didn’t feel for him…..Tissue seems to have this affect on about 99.9% of our staff…



So ...ever since then the MDQ cannot stand her.... and I cannot blame him...Tissue is one of those people that just doesn’t get it...and I doubt very much if she ever will.........I mean who would just walk up to someone u barely know and ask them something so utterly personal? Who asks a guy co-worker this? Well… TISSUE does!...
Tissue needs to clean up her act...
If that’s possible…

Moving on........

I had a very odd convo today with Shocker.........I was sort of asked a question.......and I lied. I lied becos I don’t feel comfy with this whole situation......and I don’t like not being in control.........at all..........so I lied.......and I hate lying........but at the time it was all I could think of to do.......

OK......my PC is bugging me in a big way........it is way LAG.........time to clean it up a bit I think....

Time to clean up many things.......

Spring Cleaning has taken on a totally different meaning for me this yr.


Funny how that is......

then again........

Lasts

Stolen from The JagSpot


Last Cigarette: 12 hours ago (dammit)
Last Alcoholic Drink: Samuel Adams ( Tuesday Night)
Last Car Ride: Commute to work today
Last Movie Seen in Theaters: King Arthur
Last Movie Rented: The Incredible's
Last Cuss Word Uttered: She's a useless piece of shit (in reference to a useless piece of shit I am currently working with....... YOU WORTHELESS PIECE OF SHIT!!)
Last Beverage Drank: 7UP
Last Food Consumed:Chimichanga Burrito from COSTCO .....YUM!!!
Last Time Showered: This AM (I shower everyday...sometimes twice)
Last Phone Call: SHOCKER
Last Text Message: SHOCKER (but I don’t think Shocker has text) ;(
Last TV Show Watched: CSI Miami
Last Shoes Worn: White Reeboks...so comfy
Last CD Played: Queensryche Promised Land
Last CD Bought: See above.... also Operation Mindcrime and Hear In The Now Frontier by Queensryche
Last Annoyance: working with The Useless Piece of shit at work...YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!!!
Last Disappointment: Zilla and Clogs... Portland
Last Thing Written: this
Last Word Spoken: Why didn’t he tell you!!?? (Conversation with me Aunt regarding why she was waiting for me @ work when I told Kuntjoy N2 was taking me home and didn’t need a lift) I guess that is more than one word..but o well....
Last IM: 5/8
Last Weird Encounter: hmmm...I have one about every other minute...when I look in the mirror...
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Baskins & Robins Pink Peppermint .... YUUMMM!
Last Time In Love: I still am........
Last Time Hugged: Miss Secretary @ work when she seen me...after I had been gone in Spokane with Mr. C...she luvs me...but hey...what’s not to love!?
Last Shirt Worn: My Tommy Hill* white tee w/ fluorescent green and pink PREP writing on it.....way fab!
Last Web page Visited: Hit the JAG Spot
Last Thing Lost: Keys ,Celly, Wallet and my Fucking MIND!!!...(Still have yet to claim that at the Lost & Found)
Last Regret: Being so dumb as to not know who my real friends are......or let me re-phrase that....... knowing that said people pretending to be my friends were never my friends...and are not capable of being anyone's friend for that matter......so basically.......wasting my time......on the phony bitches of P.O


Do I sound somewhat bitter?

NaH!!

Hot

In a word.....to explain last night.

HOT

yea.....and that’s all I am going to divulge .....

So Mr.C has no luck.......my mother would say that if it weren’t for bad luck he would have no luck at all............and that is as fitting as it gets with regards to him. Seems yesterday he was in another fender bender.........I mean this kid cannot DRIVE.......but according to him he can.......he is the best driver this side of Indianapolis.....BUT if u were 2 ask my family...well they would have a diff tale 2 tell. So my insurance company has already called me......so we shall see if they will even cover his stupid ass as I didn’t add him to the policy as his driving record is well.............tarnished just a tad??? a wee tad bit...........
that’s an understatement..........in a big way

I must be off to the 'ol jobola...........wish I would have slept better........I tossed and turned all night again..........but I was dreaming about someone..........so it wasn’t all-bad...........

Sleep

I slept
13 hours.....
Thank You GOD!!!

I think it may have been working with a hangover.....or the not sleeping in 10 days......hard to say.......but it may have been the exhausting discussion I had with Shocker.........I truly think that may have been what took me over the Zzzzzzzzz edge....


That conversation prior to me falling asleep....well that needs to be addressed here.....

We were getting along very well.........well.......in a good way.....so to speak.....

Then for some reason .......it all went to shit.....its as if we are not on the same page.....at all...........I don’t know what it is...........I do actually......there is a reason I am holding back.....one in particular and perhaps maybe I will share that with Shocker someday.....but not right now.......

I will say this.......

I do have feelings for you Shocker....very strong ones......they are just numb right now.....and I will explain that to you one day.......I care about you.....and I think of you .......all the time......you have shown me that I can love again......cos I really didn’t think I could......but pls understand that I am not in a place right now where i can share mylfe......with you or anyone........

If I were in that place.......it would be you.......and only you..



Darren Hayes
Light



The light, it flickers
Your light, travelling down so deep
Illumination

I have been cold, I have been blind
You have come to change my mind
I can put my faith in you

The light, it blisters
Your light, coming down so bright
Transformation
Turn it up, give me some room to grow
Turn it up, give me that sense to know

I have been cold, I have been blind
You were sent to change my mind
I can put my faith in you

For something ordinary
It's so extraordinary
I trust, I put my faith in you
In you
In you, in you
In you, in you

The light, it glitters
Your light, when I stand this close
It's almost blinding
Turn it up, give me some room to grow
Turn it up, give me the sense to know

I have been changed, I have become
I have flamed under the sun
I'm the reflection of you

For something ordinary
It's so extraordinary
I trust, I put my faith in you
In you
In you, in you
In you, in you
In you, you, you

For something ordinary
It's so extraordinary
I just, I put my faith in you
In you
In you, in you
In you, you, you

It flickers
It blisters
It glitters

In you, in you
In you, you, you
You are

Yuck

So last night I decided to drink.......not to get drunk.......to sleep........and 5 beers later I fell asleep and only woke up once......so I did sleep, but now I feel like death and being the idiot I am.....I have to work feeling like this......so I am sure that my already impatient attitude will be in full force tonight. Speaking of my impatience.......it is getting worse.......and WORSE. I have never been all that patient.....I am rather high strung for the most part.......going a thousand miles a minute.....so when it comes to waiting patiently for someone to get out what they need or walk across a room like a snail I am about ready to implode.....I really wish I did have more patience......but.......I just don’t. This is one of the many reasons I am getting out of the medical profession.........and going into the Business field........The Business world needs more high- strung-stressed out-insomnia -stricken-perfectionists......

Yes indeedy.

Moving on.......
I had a very strange conversation last night with Horsey.......trying to get across why I feel the way I do ....and do the things I do.......... I don’t think it went very well.......nope.
I really don’t think it did.....I woke up feeling like an ass......but that’s what I get for trying to make someone see what I am saying with a Sammy buzz on.........everything tends to get tweaked out and pushed completely out of perspective ....leaving one with a bad taste in their mouth..... which is not a result of the brews and fags......

Next agenda on the 'ol blog...well that would be.....


College


Oh that beautiful and glorious establishment of advanced education .oh how I love it so.....fuck me runnin........if it aint so........well......once again I am the queen of procrastination......I have to finish 7 assignments in Political Science by the 29th ......13 assignments in Biology.......create a website ........and lemme see.......take 3 finals.....

Fucking fabulous........

But!

It is doable as…..

I will have the house to meself tomorrow as Mr.C is heading up to Spokane to get his transplant testing done.......he will be poked and prodded and evaluated for 2 days......nothing to horrible, just a lot of interviews and such. I wish I could go with him.....but I just can’t take the time off from school..........dammit.

I hope he knows that I am always with him......regardless if it’s physical...I know it sounds corny but that’s just how I look at it....

I always will

Evil

I was visiting a buddies Blog today and it seems he has a rather evil Blog..........so me being me...... I decided to see how evil I rated

and well........

Here ya go.......




Tonight was an interesting night.......Worked with N2 and pretty much just chilled out.......Although I did find out that Israel......N2's BF's best friend thinks I am quote ..unquote........"hot"......and would like to take me out.......I was a bit flattered as he is extremely cute and sweet......I mean a really nice guy......but...I don't think so......I am not into getting involved with my friends friends if ya know what I mean.....Its a recipe for disaster on so many levels......and BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!!......I have learned me lesson.........

Although, I am glad I have someone to flirt with and drive crazy......


I am such an evil bitch...

Damaged

This sums up my state of my mind.... and life as of late for that matter.........

QUEENSRYCHE

Damaged

Waiting for the feeling to subside,
Paranoid, I melt into myself.
They say I'm to reach inside and find
the broken part of my machinery.
Psychoanalyze the chapters
on the path to my darkest day.
Searching for the answers,
all I see is damage through the haze.
Picking up the pieces of my life
with no direction for re-assembly.
The one that lays beside me
is sharing scars of my broken yesterdays.
Will tomorrow find me hypnotized? Crying?
Mother Mary in control,
domineering stranglehold
sowing destructive seeds
for the scavengers to feed.
Driving the nail into my head,
memory flows like a river.
With the one that lays beside me
I'm healing scars from my childhood memories.
Tomorrow finally found me.
I'm hypnotized. I'm trying...
to understand the chapters
of the path from my darkest day.
Searching for the answers
but there's DAMAGE!

Will

My Buddie the The Cap'n sent me a nice version of a Living Will.......I thought it was o so appropriate ....as .......it is word for word what I myself, want in the event I succumb to a Terry S. situation.....


LIVING WILL

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind
and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
peckerwood ethically challenged politicians who couldnt pass
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for
a cold beer, it should be presumed that I wont ever get better. When
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call
it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the
Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on
life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their
own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education
and future of the millions of Americans who arent in a permanent
coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge
for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play
politics with someone elses life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldnt't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these
people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade
on my behalf.They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make
his or her existence a living hell.

___________________________ Dated ______________________
Signature

__________________________________
Witness

__________________________________
Witness


In other news.....

My insomnia is back AGAIN!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

This my sleeping schedule for the past 2 nights.

Fall asleep @ 12:30AM
wake up @ 4AM

Watch TV and surf until 8AM.....Fall into a fitful sleep.
Wake up @ Noon....

so I am getting about 4 hours of sleep in 2 different cycles throughout the night......and I feel like a flippin zombie.....I am hoping this will run its course in the next few days as I need to be alert and aware for my finals coming up at the end of the month........

Me ribs are mucho better......I can actually do daily activities without limping and wincing...so I am happy in that aspect.....

I am right now trying to decide whether or not I want to vacuum or clean out the fridge......Either or.........Neither is something I am privy to doing on me day off.......but as all things in mlyfe.......it has to be done.......

such is life........

Personalities

Went to work last night...........well I wouldn’t call what I did last night working.......I pretty much just walked around and followed N2 all night while she did my work.......as I was in severe fucking pain..this is getting so old.....da pain is..........anyhoo........she didn’t seem to mind...she was all to happy to have me back as she now has someone to talk too........the only problem was she kept cracking me up as this grrl is LAUGHS.......the more I laugh the more pain I am in..it was a vicious night..........and it didn’t end after work........she offered to give me a ride home and I said sure as Mr. C needs to rest.....we head to her house as she needs a pack of cigs.........(my house is about 4 blocks away, but I guess she cant make it that far with out a hit of nic) so we sit down.....she offers me a beer.......calls her BF and proceeds to tell me we are going out.........OK...what the hell............although I am in pain ...holding my side and wincing......but… I am a trooper so I head out............we hit The Litter Box and in walks N2's BF Willard and his buddy Israel ..........conversation ensues..........all are having fun.....N2 is getting wasted.......I am casually sipping on my beer as I have eaten enough painkillers to kill a small cow and don’t feel the need to meet the ER Doc ........as I was saying ......... we are casually making small talk…..BUT Willard is getting on my nerves in a big way…..we all remember that little boy on the playground that teases and chases the girl cos he likes her so much? The one who says he doesn’t like her , but we all know he secretly is crazy about her? Well that’s what I felt like last night……..I am not saying Willard is crazy about me……….but he likes me……cos he wouldn’t let up with the snide remarks and sexual innuendos……….making remarks about everything from my sexuality to my looks to fucking everything……….well I kept up with him for a bit…….I am not a baby……I can give as good as I get………but after about 2 hours of this I am like…….”whoa here big fella………I am not into this lil game”….so say something to him about his age……….”what are you 26?” …”Ummmmm no”…….. he replies….”I’m 24”…. “Obviously”…I say………… he just gives me this look……..Israel gets exactly where I’m going with this………Willard replies about how old I am.……trying to get across I am TOO OLD....and I simply state that I am no longer accustomed to individuals who make it a habit of using insults as a platform for a conversation……… “Blank look from Willard”………seems he likes making N2’s GF’s cry or some such shit……….I then again reply “Are they that stupid?”……….this time Willard understood and apologized……and wouldn’t stop apologizing…….of course now I feel bad…as he is just a kid…..but I mean………I am not used to this and haven’t been in ages……….. The guys that usually talk to me are nothing but civil and nice…anyway…the night ended shortly after as N2 is extremely wasted and extremely pleased with how I handled her BF as she loses all her friend due to his demeanor and actions…we leave…. they drop me off…….and I go to bed……..

Just a big clash of the mature woman and the little boy…….trying to be a man..

Fun stuff

Speaking of fun stuff….I now get to return to work………Mamma B is working with me tonight…..she offered to take my load……….I feel a bit better today…….but I am sure that will change after I arrive at the ‘ol J.

Strange

Ok so life is an odd thing now isn't it? I mean really........Seems my joboal hasn't accepted the fact that I no longer wish to work there......I am on the damn schedule today.......So me.....Being me.....Will go in.........What the hell? I called last night for shits and giggles to see if I was on today's schedule and it seems I am......I didn't even show up on Monday(Although I don't really think I was supposed to).......Called in Tuesday....and figured that would be enough.Guess not. I am not a quitter....Never have been......I usually just get to a stage to where I don't give a fuck and slack and wait to be told.. "Hey.....We don't need you anymore.....So you may go"...Which is for me .... AOK.....but seems they don't want to let me go..or rather maybe they want me to come in so they can tell me face to face Buh Bye! That is going to piss me off.....as to me its a waste of my time to go into a place and be told I am no longer an employee.........When they can do it over the phone or just take me off of the schedule....so we shall see.......

Moving on......

Mr.C has appointments next week with the kidney transplant coordinators.......to get all his testing up to date......and get moved up on the list.......which is really good......cos he is pretty much down to the end of the wire with where he can have anymore fistuals put in........so after we get all his testing up to date.......he will then receive his beeper and then its the "Hurry up and wait" game.......always fun...

I best get showered and try and get rid of this coffee buzz I have accumulated this AM......I am all jittery and jumpy.....Hate it......Feel like a nervous wreck......but that's what happens when you wake up at 7AM....Bright eyed and bushy tailed......Drink JAVA......and twiddle your thumbs.......
plus take care of your finacial aide BS for next the school next year.....

Update
The ribs are better today.....still paining me some......but not so much I cant move without wincing.....I still cant sneeze or laugh.......that still makes me uncomfy.....but other than that I feel I may live.........


I just might.......

Sidenote
Spell check on the Blogger here sucks ass!!!!

In a big way!

so Blogger Gods I suggest you get on that........

ASAP

Loss

So I (of course) have not written about the loss of the Pope nor Terry S. I guess I feel that the 24/7 coverage is enuff and reading another Blog about those certain events is not necessary. So instead of writing about what I know everyone knows I will instead write about what I feel.........

Terry- She deserved to die with more dignity than having her photo splashed about the world....Did anyone stop to consider if she would have wanted her photo in every magazine, Newspaper, and TV show? I think not............The debate about whether or not she should have been allowed to stay connected to the feeding tube is of course a delicate matter. I however, am against such said measures after a certain amount of time. Perhaps it has to do with watching my late mother suffer with MS for 11 yrs........and the current situation with my brother.......my thoughts are if one is injured......and has a chance at returning to a normal life...........meaning a life with substance, where one can enjoy their families and lives....I am all for it.....as at a certain point the need for such interventions will no longer be necessary....Its for the individuals who will never be the same....Who are in constant need of care.........cannot survive without 24/7 assistance that I begin to have issue.

...I am in awe of how far medical science has come, what we can accomplish with regards to illness and treatments......Transplants.......Medications.....Etc...I am very thankful for medical science as without it my brother would not be here today........the issue I have with medical intervention is this.........if one has an episode or an accident......like the one Terry S. had........a stroke I made a mistake here.....she actually had a heart attack due to being Bulimic which thus resulted in her being brain damaged due to having NO oxygen for over 10 minutes....this is when ethics and morals come into play. The knowledge the Doctors had when they first examined her ...that...she was brain damaged to such an extent that she would never be the same..........that she could never live without constant medical attention.......at that moment.....right then and there...... is when one needs to ask.......Was she supposed to of died? Who are we to keep her alive when she is not capable of any coherent thought, and never will be? Who are we to truly know what she would have wanted? When do we stop playing God?

I believe that a law should be put into effect for every citizen with regards to having a living will......It should be a requirement just like having a license or an ID..........everyone should be able to put in writing what they want done in the event something catastrophic happens........this will alleviate any and all court proceedings........and stop draggin out an individuals life for a decade or more.........

Pope-I am not catholic. Although I should be. My family is catholic. German Catholics.......very strict Catholics........my mother told my brother and I to make our own choice..........as she wasn't given the option............I still haven't been baptized...........but I believe in God.......

I believe the Pope lived a very long and fulfilling life.....gave his life to his church and his religion, not to mention God. Pay tribute to Pope John Paul II ...... remember his accomplishments..... Let him rest in piece. Choose a successor........

One who will fulfill the needs of the Church and the people.

Ribs

I just now returned from my ER venture.......seems my ribs aren’t broken.....I have pulled the cartilage in me ribs...this is what me DR told me....."Direct blows to the ribs may bruise or break the ribs or injure to the rib cartilage. The ribs may tear away from the cartilage that attaches them to the breastbone. This tearing away from the cartilage is called a costochondral separation".
So that is what I am suffering from costochondral separation....this here defines exactly what I have been fearing the past 3 days "The initial chest pain may subside, but over the next few hours or days pain increases with movement, interfering with sleep and activity and becoming severe with coughing or deep inspiration. The patient is often worried about having a broken rib, and may have a sensation of bony crepitus or abnormal rib movement".
The fearing of having a broken or fractured Rib was really my main concern as this can cause severe damage to my organs..e.g puncturing a lung ....or some other necessary organ..............

So needless to say I will heal in about 3 weeks........Doc told me to try and breathe deeply as I am now prone to catching pneumonia.......seems I am breathing more shallow now without knowing it and so I have to remember to breathe DEEP.........yea sure...........that shit hurts doc!!!.........

I bet you are all wondering how this lil ingery here happened to me.... right?

Well..........I was having a nice time with me buds in Portland.........and Binks........my best guy buddy gave me a really big hug.......a bear hug............and he seems to forget how strong he is.. He’s like 6'4 and 230 lbs.......and he seems to 4get how fragile I am........I mean I may act all tuff.........but I am still a grrl..........tall.....thin.......and fragile........well he comes up behind me and picks me up.......and SQUEEZES.....like a Boa Constrictor.........I remember yelling at him to let me go........he did...............and I felt a lil dizzy but OK.......it wasn’t until I woke up @ 2AM that I felt the initial pain..........OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........I managed to get through the day......with the help of Mr. Advil and YagerMyster ....was a slow painful day but I took it slow....and the next day I flew home......I had a few "emergency" pills to get me through the flight and the 2 hour drive home......it was the minute I got home and relaxed that the pain really hit........Mr. C gave me one of his vicodin.........and I was OK............yesterday was sheer hell..........so today I just couldn’t bear it any more............no insurance or not.....I went in..........I think the worrying was the worst part.......not knowing what was wrong......and the fact I cant move without wanting to cwy..........So I will live..........

Moving on............I will now try and give a better description of me trip to Portland. All was going well.....I seen everyone...........we all met and had a good time..............Patti Anne, Clogs, Binks,Suzilla and even Lori dropped in 4 a sec.........we ventured back to Zilla'z house to finish off the night...........was the next day that it turned to shit........I woke up in excruciating pain....and Clogs and Zilla were feeling no pain and ready to start the day off with breaky......so we went and had breaky........I couldn’t eat...or sit......or breathe......here I am trying to be fun......as they haven’t seen me in ages......and I can barely force a smile.........well I asked if we could leave and we did.......Zilla wanted to mow her lawn and so I decided to leave for a bit......thought maybe a drive would make me feel better........plus her House is FREEZING......so I leave.....and I take my things and put them in me car as I never leave my belongings anywhere.......past experiences have learned me well..........anyway I leave and say I will return........I drive for a bit........half looking for a hotel as I wasn’t up to sleeping in the freezing house in a cold bed (with other lovely attributes)......anyway..........about this time Binks calls me and asks me where I was......I tell him....he shows up.......we are sitting laughing and chatting when my cell rings......is Zilla............I ignore as I am not in the mood to deal with her at the said moment...........about 40 minutes later I call my voicemail ........she is going on about how I must have decided to leave b4 my weekend was over.......and then she begins to accuse me of STEALING from her........her bracelet or some such shit.......at first I think she is talking about the bracelet she had given me but noooooo.......tis the one her BF gave her........
OK so I call her.........we exchange words...........and that was that........in less time than it takes to flush the toilet she had thrown away are entire friendship...............accusing me of stealing from her.....which just blows my mind as I lived with her for a year........took care of her house, truck, everything..........I knew where all her stuff was.......I had access to everything..........if I was going to steal from her I would have done it when I moved.....not when I return for a visit..........wait.......I wouldn’t in a million years steal from her or any of my friends........
I cannot fathom how she could even begin to think about accusing me........so to sum it up..........I am no longer friends with her.........or Clogs as her behavior was basically... "OH Well" she wasn’t exactly in corner......... "Not my problem......" I believe that was what she said......seems her only problem is the affair she is having with the married man she is working with right now.......but that’s a diff story.........although I did tell her she was stupid......how she can sleep at night is beyond me........perhaps that’s why she wasn’t exactly rooting for me.......I don’t know.......

Binks summed it up best "What did u expect? Its Zilla!".....Well I expected to NOT be accused of stealing......I expected to not have Clogs back her up.....I expected to be treated with a little respect..........that’s all.............I did nothing wrong.......was on my best behavior....hell I was actually rather sedate.........as I was more concerned with my brother .......regardless...........I will not be returning.......and I will not be talking to Zilla nor clogs again.........in this lifetime...........seems such a waste..........it really does..........life is too short....I guess they don’t see it.......I do..........I always have.

Again........moving on........

This is turning out to be a really long Post .........but oh well.........I am now going to try and eat...........and clean up a bit.......if I can......hurts to move........Mr. C and I are quite a pair.......he's hobbling around after his surgery..................I’m hobbling around.........We be the Hobblers....

Ok then.........

I best try and get soemthing consrtuctive done....

Home

I am back, with a cracked rib.
I am going to the DR tom. to get a script....I am in so much pain its unreal.
Binks!!!


The trip was.....not so good....was good 2 c Patti Anne and Binks....even Clogs......but suzilla can fall off of a cliff........

I'm done

o
I quit my Job 2 day as well....cannot work with a cracked rib......and the J will not believe me.......Pissed off over Mr. C as it is........so fuck em! Right where they eat.....more time to focus on school and PS ...........(Shocker knows what this means)...................................

So .........I am in no shape to write now......the only way I am managing is thanx 2 Mr.C's surgery pills................so I will end this ..........just know I am happy 2 B home.........happy I know who MY REAL FRIENDS ARE and happy to have MR.C and Domino in the same house....


I have to lie down and die!!

THANK YOU BINKS!!!


CockKnocker!!!