I know I know...again I have been a neglectful Blogger...what can I say?
Not much
Really.
Okay here we go with a recap of my week..........
I worked Thurs-Fri....
Friday night after work at about 10ish I called my GF who was at the bar with Sweet T copping a buzz..........she asked if I would cum or come up there...and I says
YESUMMM
I then jump in me car and cruise on up.........which I hate driving at night for reasons I shall divulge at a later date............so Friday night I played drinker grrl..............which is all good
:)
Veddy Nice............
Can anyone say
OH SHANE!!!!!????
I can
OH SHANE!!
YOOHOO
OVER HERE!!!!
Uh huh
Moving on......
I passed out............from exhaustion if nothing else.............Ok so that leads me to yesterday..................Sunday/ hangover- I -wanna- die -day....................I managed to take a nap and then came home to check on me beloved lil brother who had some really good news for me...
Seems Mr. C totaled his car Sat. morning...............completely totaled it............he is fine, but the passenger in the other vehicle is claiming back pain, so I am waiting to be served now anytime as the car was in my name.................sooooooooooooooo
I then went back to the Professors.......................Sunday afternoon as Sweet T was coming back over to make us dinner while we watched Absolutely Fabulous, which it was absolutely fabulous..........I do adore that show sweeties!!!
Ok
And I cannot go back there again...........not now.
Once again this is my only outlet..............a window of sorts to peek out of/into............let something in and out............
In through the out door...........
This is mylfe
Mr. C is sleeping .............I came in and he was so happy to see me...I miss him...so I am going to spend this week with him...and my home .............and try and sort through this pain and try to find a way to be at peace with ME again.................
I am off to work now...
More lata'
Monday, October 24, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Anni
I missed my Anniversary!
DAMMIT!!!
My BLOG anniversary...see I started this here Blog a yr ago on the 9th of Oct. 2004.
Where did the time go?
To be honest it seems like the time went rather slowly...........with spurts of insanity and chaos intertwined with slow motion boredom.........
However...that cannot be said for the past month
Or so.
ALSO
I have had over 5000 hits...one wouldnt know with my current counter, but I know as I have an invisible one
UH HUH
I smart!!!!
FOOLED YA's!!
Nothing really new to report...............I spent the afternoon with my GF.... and it was great.........BUT............something is amiss...and now that I am in a relationship I don’t feel I can truly divulge the goings on of the details of my relationship to the world, so I am going to have to find other ways to vent...without sacrificing OUR privacy............
I mean think about it..........if one were to be married, the other half wouldn’t be to enthused to know the other half was divulging the goings on of the marriage to the entire planet..........well I know I wouldn’t...........so from here on out...I will speak of my GF in general terms such as
"We went to the movies, but I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about!!'
That sorta thang
:)
Aint I a daisy?
Uh huh
Moving on............
Time for more accounting...
And Binks will be here in a few days so I am playing major house cleaning freak.........I was up until 3AM mopping floors last night, which is why I was an hour late to my Gf’s (that and I had to run to the REZ to get her her LAST carton of smokes)
SO
I am playing the number nerd alert and Mrs. Clever house Cleaner
Oh I rhymed
hee hee
More lata'
DAMMIT!!!
My BLOG anniversary...see I started this here Blog a yr ago on the 9th of Oct. 2004.
Where did the time go?
To be honest it seems like the time went rather slowly...........with spurts of insanity and chaos intertwined with slow motion boredom.........
However...that cannot be said for the past month
Or so.
ALSO
I have had over 5000 hits...one wouldnt know with my current counter, but I know as I have an invisible one
UH HUH
I smart!!!!
FOOLED YA's!!
Nothing really new to report...............I spent the afternoon with my GF.... and it was great.........BUT............something is amiss...and now that I am in a relationship I don’t feel I can truly divulge the goings on of the details of my relationship to the world, so I am going to have to find other ways to vent...without sacrificing OUR privacy............
I mean think about it..........if one were to be married, the other half wouldn’t be to enthused to know the other half was divulging the goings on of the marriage to the entire planet..........well I know I wouldn’t...........so from here on out...I will speak of my GF in general terms such as
"We went to the movies, but I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about!!'
That sorta thang
:)
Aint I a daisy?
Uh huh
Moving on............
Time for more accounting...
And Binks will be here in a few days so I am playing major house cleaning freak.........I was up until 3AM mopping floors last night, which is why I was an hour late to my Gf’s (that and I had to run to the REZ to get her her LAST carton of smokes)
SO
I am playing the number nerd alert and Mrs. Clever house Cleaner
Oh I rhymed
hee hee
More lata'
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Activation
Well last night at work was a good one.........although my Gaydar is OFF in a big way..........see there is this nurse who I SWORE was gay...............I mean how couldnt she be???????? ......Now that was a stupid question.......Anyway.............. she was standing there talking to someone and mentioned her husband.... OK...............so I am trying to figure out if this CODE for GF or WIFE or if I need a fucking tune-up?
Moving on...
I FINALLY activated my new cell phone..........no more SSKSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!
OMG I couldn’t take it anymore...........and lately I have been using my brothers phone as I cant even talk on mine...................he doesn’t mind, but I mean I am on the phone ALOTT ................and he tends to like to use his own phone on occasion..........so I am pretty sure he will be happy that I finally did the phone thang................now all I have to do is program all me #'s in the damn thang, which will take 4ever.......................that’s why I was avoiding doing it............
OK
Now I know mylfe is boring when all I have to Blog about is my new celly...........
I am looking forward to Binks coming Saturday...........and then Patti Anne on the 28th...
IT’S ABOUT TIME!!!
I have only been gone over a yr now........................but................this last trip to the wet city was exceptionally good................we all got along so well without any flippin drama from my ex's.........and that was what made for a nice and relaxing visit, which may or may not of been the deciding factor for them both to come.............as previous visits were............well in a word................INSANE.........lots of drinking...on my part.........and on the part of my X.............X lover to be precise.......anyway ...............without that individual in the picture things were very sedate and nice....and that’s exactly how this holiday for the 2 of them shall be............
Looking forward to it...............I am I yam
Ok then..............I must be off to smoke..............and then shower................and then read accounting............
Fun with numbers
O joy
O …………and I do have a song for the day
Ordinary Love by Sade
I love Sade
But for some reason this song fits my mood today………..and my heart…and well u get the picture…
More lata'
Moving on...
I FINALLY activated my new cell phone..........no more SSKSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!
OMG I couldn’t take it anymore...........and lately I have been using my brothers phone as I cant even talk on mine...................he doesn’t mind, but I mean I am on the phone ALOTT ................and he tends to like to use his own phone on occasion..........so I am pretty sure he will be happy that I finally did the phone thang................now all I have to do is program all me #'s in the damn thang, which will take 4ever.......................that’s why I was avoiding doing it............
OK
Now I know mylfe is boring when all I have to Blog about is my new celly...........
I am looking forward to Binks coming Saturday...........and then Patti Anne on the 28th...
IT’S ABOUT TIME!!!
I have only been gone over a yr now........................but................this last trip to the wet city was exceptionally good................we all got along so well without any flippin drama from my ex's.........and that was what made for a nice and relaxing visit, which may or may not of been the deciding factor for them both to come.............as previous visits were............well in a word................INSANE.........lots of drinking...on my part.........and on the part of my X.............X lover to be precise.......anyway ...............without that individual in the picture things were very sedate and nice....and that’s exactly how this holiday for the 2 of them shall be............
Looking forward to it...............I am I yam
Ok then..............I must be off to smoke..............and then shower................and then read accounting............
Fun with numbers
O joy
O …………and I do have a song for the day
Ordinary Love by Sade
I love Sade
But for some reason this song fits my mood today………..and my heart…and well u get the picture…
More lata'
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
In Sickness and in Health
Well once again I have been neglecting this here Blog, but I have reason(s) for my lack of posting.
1st of all Binks came over this past weekend. He made it Saturday night at about 4PM....I then took him to Roosters for dinner which was veddy nice...we had a great conversation and then we ventured to the local gay pub, which I had never been in to b4, and I must admit I really liked the atmosphere, very retro 70'ish..............and the bartender was very courteous and sweet.........after I took Binks to the Litter Box where we met up with Mr. C who was by this time feeling no pain!! He was really entertaining...we shot some darts and then headed to Shooters for a few games of stick and more entertaining amusement from my little drunken brother...the only downer to the evening was when Miss James showed up (Mr.C’s X) as I really cant stand her and neither can Binks and it turns out neither can Mr.C (he just informed me this about an hour ago)..........
So afterwards Binks and I came home and watched the L Word and called it a night............although another funny event was when we were leaving the Litter Box, Binks used his mommies Cruiser as a 4 Wheel drive...........drove RIGHT over the concrete parking divider...OUCH.........no harm done though...but it was LAUGHS
So Sunday we slept in and then dashed about town buying steaks and booze for the BBQ we were having for Binks, Lucy, Mr. C and meself...........plus we had to jet up to Pullman so Binks could meet the love of me life The Professor............we finally made it there around 5ish...poor Professor was sick with a cold...so I explained to her the plans for the evening and she looked at me with those hypnotic eyes of hers and asked (can I come too?) I says YESUUMMM
:)
So The Professor, Binks, and I then ventured to Riccos (as this is where her and I met and its OUR bar now) for a quick shot and we then cruised on back to my place............after playing make out in the back seat while Binks drove we arrived to my home where we all had dinner and watched Bound (HOT MOVIE) .............and The Professor stayed @ me home for the very 1st time.............in the process she gave me her cold...
Well Monday morning I took my baby home and promised to come back to take her to see the Dr as she was really dizzy and nauseated by this time..............so I then came back to Clarkston to take Binks shopping and say Buh Bye's..........we scored on some really killer Leather Jackets at Shopko...........so we were stylin in a big way................ as usual ;)
Binks then stayed on to hook up Mr. C's Hi FI system whilst I drove BACK to Pullman where I then took My baby to the DR....I even went in with her and held her lil hand...she was so cute...she had an inner ear infection, so they gave her anti- vertigo meds and anti-nausea meds.............so............that was Monday................I now am home..........as I have been with The Professor since Sunday night....................
WOW
Last night was a trip though cos one of the Professors friends..............Sweet T is what I shall call her, well she is gay as well.............and my friend to now...actually we all are going on holiday in November to an Island up off of Seattle for a weekend of Spa and spoils.........anyways...I flirt extensively with Sweet T...cos it makes her all nervous and tingly, well last night the Professor wanted us to watch a Power Point presentation she made while in Alaska on gay rights............so after having a few brewskies, the Professor said go cuddle with Sweet T while we all watch, so me being me, I did..........
Well when Sweet T left, the Professor was not HAPPY..........at all!!!
So we talked ................and now I know the boundaries..........and that’s good cos I really wanted to know where me boundaries were.... but like the Professor said " How would u like it if I was doing that with another woman?" Well I wouldn’t, but then again I wouldn’t have even told her to go and cuddle with another woman............so it was a weird night, but we are OK now...I hope anyway..................
All I know is we spent the past 4 days together.............were sick together................ate together.........slept in front of the fire together...pretty much were TOGETHER most of the past 4 days...and I am more madly in love with her now than b4, and I hope she knows that there isn’t another woman on the planet that could take me from her.................not now..............not ever..................
I LOVE YOU PROFESSOR!!!
And if need be I will shout it from the highest mountain and smallest stream to let her know that I love her with all of my being...and just cos I might hug or cuddle a friend doesn’t take away the intensity of my love and adoration for my GF..................
Ok then
I must be off to work...I have had a good day today....................PLUS the shrub lady is here trimming the hedges, she is really cute too...shook my hand and asked my name and said " Nice hand shake!'...And winked at me..............I smiled and walked away....................
Smiling to myself.......................and thinking............God.............I am so in love .................Miss Jolie could be trimming my hedges and I wouldn’t even notice her ................I really wouldn’t.......... I know I know Ur all saying............. RIGHT NICOLE!
But I know ME!!!
ME LOVES The Professor!!
I do.
Still.
Ok then
More lata'
1st of all Binks came over this past weekend. He made it Saturday night at about 4PM....I then took him to Roosters for dinner which was veddy nice...we had a great conversation and then we ventured to the local gay pub, which I had never been in to b4, and I must admit I really liked the atmosphere, very retro 70'ish..............and the bartender was very courteous and sweet.........after I took Binks to the Litter Box where we met up with Mr. C who was by this time feeling no pain!! He was really entertaining...we shot some darts and then headed to Shooters for a few games of stick and more entertaining amusement from my little drunken brother...the only downer to the evening was when Miss James showed up (Mr.C’s X) as I really cant stand her and neither can Binks and it turns out neither can Mr.C (he just informed me this about an hour ago)..........
So afterwards Binks and I came home and watched the L Word and called it a night............although another funny event was when we were leaving the Litter Box, Binks used his mommies Cruiser as a 4 Wheel drive...........drove RIGHT over the concrete parking divider...OUCH.........no harm done though...but it was LAUGHS
So Sunday we slept in and then dashed about town buying steaks and booze for the BBQ we were having for Binks, Lucy, Mr. C and meself...........plus we had to jet up to Pullman so Binks could meet the love of me life The Professor............we finally made it there around 5ish...poor Professor was sick with a cold...so I explained to her the plans for the evening and she looked at me with those hypnotic eyes of hers and asked (can I come too?) I says YESUUMMM
:)
So The Professor, Binks, and I then ventured to Riccos (as this is where her and I met and its OUR bar now) for a quick shot and we then cruised on back to my place............after playing make out in the back seat while Binks drove we arrived to my home where we all had dinner and watched Bound (HOT MOVIE) .............and The Professor stayed @ me home for the very 1st time.............in the process she gave me her cold...
Well Monday morning I took my baby home and promised to come back to take her to see the Dr as she was really dizzy and nauseated by this time..............so I then came back to Clarkston to take Binks shopping and say Buh Bye's..........we scored on some really killer Leather Jackets at Shopko...........so we were stylin in a big way................ as usual ;)
Binks then stayed on to hook up Mr. C's Hi FI system whilst I drove BACK to Pullman where I then took My baby to the DR....I even went in with her and held her lil hand...she was so cute...she had an inner ear infection, so they gave her anti- vertigo meds and anti-nausea meds.............so............that was Monday................I now am home..........as I have been with The Professor since Sunday night....................
WOW
Last night was a trip though cos one of the Professors friends..............Sweet T is what I shall call her, well she is gay as well.............and my friend to now...actually we all are going on holiday in November to an Island up off of Seattle for a weekend of Spa and spoils.........anyways...I flirt extensively with Sweet T...cos it makes her all nervous and tingly, well last night the Professor wanted us to watch a Power Point presentation she made while in Alaska on gay rights............so after having a few brewskies, the Professor said go cuddle with Sweet T while we all watch, so me being me, I did..........
Well when Sweet T left, the Professor was not HAPPY..........at all!!!
So we talked ................and now I know the boundaries..........and that’s good cos I really wanted to know where me boundaries were.... but like the Professor said " How would u like it if I was doing that with another woman?" Well I wouldn’t, but then again I wouldn’t have even told her to go and cuddle with another woman............so it was a weird night, but we are OK now...I hope anyway..................
All I know is we spent the past 4 days together.............were sick together................ate together.........slept in front of the fire together...pretty much were TOGETHER most of the past 4 days...and I am more madly in love with her now than b4, and I hope she knows that there isn’t another woman on the planet that could take me from her.................not now..............not ever..................
I LOVE YOU PROFESSOR!!!
And if need be I will shout it from the highest mountain and smallest stream to let her know that I love her with all of my being...and just cos I might hug or cuddle a friend doesn’t take away the intensity of my love and adoration for my GF..................
Ok then
I must be off to work...I have had a good day today....................PLUS the shrub lady is here trimming the hedges, she is really cute too...shook my hand and asked my name and said " Nice hand shake!'...And winked at me..............I smiled and walked away....................
Smiling to myself.......................and thinking............God.............I am so in love .................Miss Jolie could be trimming my hedges and I wouldn’t even notice her ................I really wouldn’t.......... I know I know Ur all saying............. RIGHT NICOLE!
But I know ME!!!
ME LOVES The Professor!!
I do.
Still.
Ok then
More lata'
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Breakdown
The only word I can find that can suitably describe my emotional state right now...Is completely BROKEN...
I just received some news..........and I sat here..........not shocked.... as I had this premonition last night that the woman I am in love with would hear from her X, and indeed she did...I knew this last night...I was sitting here last night............... right here...and it hit me...........Miss Horse is going to contact the Professor...and what do u know...she did.........and apparently they are meeting in Spokane .............
I am writing this here as I truly have no place else to vent...........after the initial shock of it...and being told I have nothing to worry about...that this is something the Professor needs to do to truly move on...it hit me...........
I have been here.........2 other times...no make that 3.............3
I am numb.........I know how this works...........
And it just hit me...all the pain...the uncertainty...being scared, no terrified..........and I lost it...I am so happy my brother is asleep...cos If he would have walked in and seen his sister literally falling apart on her bedroom floor...well.........he would have been a bit devastated...all the hurt I went through with Dego and Teabag, and some of James.... just came rushing back again............and I lost it...I don’t think I have felt like this in 3 yrs..........and I am trying to pull it together as I have to go to work in an hour.......and when Nicole walks in everyone expects this strong-together,smart,confident woman to walk in...........
That’s who I have to be...
And today I’m not
I hate this day...and the way I am feeling and the fact I cannot seem to stop grabbing the box of Kleenex.........I want to go to the gym and just sweat this pain out of me..............for hours and hours............
I also keep thinking of Binks and how badly I NEED him to hold me right now...I keep listening to this song or CD he sent me............ Tommy Land...Hello Again & I need you...and it just makes me cry or sob more...............not becos it makes me sad, but becos his friendship is right now the only thing that I know would make me pick myself literally up off of the floor.............
I know I need to do this today...........fall apart............as I have so much to fucking do this weekend...and I don’t have time for the mental breakdown I am so desperately in need of...
I don’t know what this meeting will bring to the Professor and Miss Horse; I just know what I feel...........
I am happy she told me...and of course she has sent me MANY emails between her and the X...which I have to be honest, I didnt need to read............
I feel like I am invading ............imposing...........
I feel fatigued emotionally.
I know this may make no sense to my readers, but I spent the Professors 37th with her...I made this an incredibly romantic day for her..........
Yesterday she told me she loved me
Sunday she is going to see Miss Horse
Today I am dying...
Mr.C told last night this would happen...........I should learn to listen to him...I think from now on I will just keep him in my pocket.........and when I need to make a decision I will pull him out...........cos he is so RIGHT. Maybe becos he knows me so well............
I want so desperately to wake him up..........but I cant let him see me like this...cos trust me.............the reluctance he feels for the Professor will just increase............
I have to go and try and make myself look human again..............
I should have stayed @ work, but I wasn’t on the schedule until 2...so I left...and came home..........and received this news that has made every vulnerability I have come to the surface..........
I wish all you who think I am this unfeeling, uncaring, cold woman could see how bloody wrong you are............
This is WHY I have the WALL I have..........
I don’t dig pain
And pain don’t dig me
Trust...........
T R U S T
These 5 letters are all I have right now............
And my strength..............
Trust/strength
That’s what the next 3 days are going to be defined by for me.........
I will not allow this to break me and push me back into the person I used to be...I have aspired to be a good woman and I am...and I will take away whatever happens from this.........and use it to mold me even more
I have to
I just received some news..........and I sat here..........not shocked.... as I had this premonition last night that the woman I am in love with would hear from her X, and indeed she did...I knew this last night...I was sitting here last night............... right here...and it hit me...........Miss Horse is going to contact the Professor...and what do u know...she did.........and apparently they are meeting in Spokane .............
I am writing this here as I truly have no place else to vent...........after the initial shock of it...and being told I have nothing to worry about...that this is something the Professor needs to do to truly move on...it hit me...........
I have been here.........2 other times...no make that 3.............3
I am numb.........I know how this works...........
And it just hit me...all the pain...the uncertainty...being scared, no terrified..........and I lost it...I am so happy my brother is asleep...cos If he would have walked in and seen his sister literally falling apart on her bedroom floor...well.........he would have been a bit devastated...all the hurt I went through with Dego and Teabag, and some of James.... just came rushing back again............and I lost it...I don’t think I have felt like this in 3 yrs..........and I am trying to pull it together as I have to go to work in an hour.......and when Nicole walks in everyone expects this strong-together,smart,confident woman to walk in...........
That’s who I have to be...
And today I’m not
I hate this day...and the way I am feeling and the fact I cannot seem to stop grabbing the box of Kleenex.........I want to go to the gym and just sweat this pain out of me..............for hours and hours............
I also keep thinking of Binks and how badly I NEED him to hold me right now...I keep listening to this song or CD he sent me............ Tommy Land...Hello Again & I need you...and it just makes me cry or sob more...............not becos it makes me sad, but becos his friendship is right now the only thing that I know would make me pick myself literally up off of the floor.............
I know I need to do this today...........fall apart............as I have so much to fucking do this weekend...and I don’t have time for the mental breakdown I am so desperately in need of...
I don’t know what this meeting will bring to the Professor and Miss Horse; I just know what I feel...........
I am happy she told me...and of course she has sent me MANY emails between her and the X...which I have to be honest, I didnt need to read............
I feel like I am invading ............imposing...........
I feel fatigued emotionally.
I know this may make no sense to my readers, but I spent the Professors 37th with her...I made this an incredibly romantic day for her..........
Yesterday she told me she loved me
Sunday she is going to see Miss Horse
Today I am dying...
Mr.C told last night this would happen...........I should learn to listen to him...I think from now on I will just keep him in my pocket.........and when I need to make a decision I will pull him out...........cos he is so RIGHT. Maybe becos he knows me so well............
I want so desperately to wake him up..........but I cant let him see me like this...cos trust me.............the reluctance he feels for the Professor will just increase............
I have to go and try and make myself look human again..............
I should have stayed @ work, but I wasn’t on the schedule until 2...so I left...and came home..........and received this news that has made every vulnerability I have come to the surface..........
I wish all you who think I am this unfeeling, uncaring, cold woman could see how bloody wrong you are............
This is WHY I have the WALL I have..........
I don’t dig pain
And pain don’t dig me
Trust...........
T R U S T
These 5 letters are all I have right now............
And my strength..............
Trust/strength
That’s what the next 3 days are going to be defined by for me.........
I will not allow this to break me and push me back into the person I used to be...I have aspired to be a good woman and I am...and I will take away whatever happens from this.........and use it to mold me even more
I have to
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Chills
Came home last night...............after work, which is (work) exactly what I needed, well...I pretty much kept to myself.................but I was glad to be there...........anyway half way through my shift I started getting abdomen pains...
Now I knew what it was as I have had one... only one other time in mylfe...when I was 11...so I come home...came home..........past present tense...I hate grammar and I should be a pro as I did teach English in Hong Kong for FUCKS sake...moving on...........came home and TRIED to drink a few beers.........every time I went to use the ladies, well it was not NICE............and it proceeded to get worse very quickly...........
Luckily (no luckily inst a word I would use, cos I don’t think/feel Mr.C's bouts of sickness are any kind of luck) He has some pretty strong anti-biotic left over from his own UTI's...which he gets well.........all the time..........
I am not sure what triggered me to get this...as I don’t get these that often or ever...ummmmm.........22 yrs to be exact................I have an idea though...but holy shit...........its not nice...immediate chills and fever...and cramping.............today I am a lil weak but better...cos Mr. C has some good chit man...
Don’t ya just love I can self-diagnose?
Moving on..........
I am OK once again with The Professor, although I did cancel our day together, which regardless I would have had to ....................as well.............I am not walking all that well..........and for the bathrooms sake...umm furgit about it....
Anyway.........I did allot of self-reflecting...........and this was all actually brought on by Mr. C..............I was outside, looking like I lost my best friend and he asked what was wrong...I didnt wanna tell him, as I truly didnt think he would be very objective or understanding, but he insisted I tell him...cos he said "its the Professor right?"...I said "yes"
I tell him the story
He listens
Tells me something..............well allots of things..........
I get up
Immediately feel better
And feel like an ass
And receive a note from the professor...
Which I replied 2...
So that’s where it sits.........
All I do know is these are my own insecurities, as my past wasn’t all that fabulous, or even lucky when it came to the X issue....................so nothing she has done warrants me not to trust her..........as I do trust her...............but I also have a right to be scared...........but my episode yesterday was not a result of what she has done........................it is just allot of bottled up pain.........
And frustration.............
And we have to remember that Nicole has not been in this situation in ages...................
Anyways
I am OK, sick, and hoping my self-diagnosis does the trick, cos I am not in the mood to see no DR.
I am going to lie down...................and get up and do HOMEWORK.............
Fun huh?
More Lata'
Now I knew what it was as I have had one... only one other time in mylfe...when I was 11...so I come home...came home..........past present tense...I hate grammar and I should be a pro as I did teach English in Hong Kong for FUCKS sake...moving on...........came home and TRIED to drink a few beers.........every time I went to use the ladies, well it was not NICE............and it proceeded to get worse very quickly...........
Luckily (no luckily inst a word I would use, cos I don’t think/feel Mr.C's bouts of sickness are any kind of luck) He has some pretty strong anti-biotic left over from his own UTI's...which he gets well.........all the time..........
I am not sure what triggered me to get this...as I don’t get these that often or ever...ummmmm.........22 yrs to be exact................I have an idea though...but holy shit...........its not nice...immediate chills and fever...and cramping.............today I am a lil weak but better...cos Mr. C has some good chit man...
Don’t ya just love I can self-diagnose?
Moving on..........
I am OK once again with The Professor, although I did cancel our day together, which regardless I would have had to ....................as well.............I am not walking all that well..........and for the bathrooms sake...umm furgit about it....
Anyway.........I did allot of self-reflecting...........and this was all actually brought on by Mr. C..............I was outside, looking like I lost my best friend and he asked what was wrong...I didnt wanna tell him, as I truly didnt think he would be very objective or understanding, but he insisted I tell him...cos he said "its the Professor right?"...I said "yes"
I tell him the story
He listens
Tells me something..............well allots of things..........
I get up
Immediately feel better
And feel like an ass
And receive a note from the professor...
Which I replied 2...
So that’s where it sits.........
All I do know is these are my own insecurities, as my past wasn’t all that fabulous, or even lucky when it came to the X issue....................so nothing she has done warrants me not to trust her..........as I do trust her...............but I also have a right to be scared...........but my episode yesterday was not a result of what she has done........................it is just allot of bottled up pain.........
And frustration.............
And we have to remember that Nicole has not been in this situation in ages...................
Anyways
I am OK, sick, and hoping my self-diagnosis does the trick, cos I am not in the mood to see no DR.
I am going to lie down...................and get up and do HOMEWORK.............
Fun huh?
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