I cannot believe it has been over 5 weeks since I have Blogged...
WHAT THE HELL!!??
So to bring those who still dare to visit this here ghost of a Blog...here you go.
I am getting married.
August 4th.
I am terrified.
My Ex and I are actually really close now.
I am on the verge of quitting school.
Burnt out!!
My brother is back AGAIN with his crazy ex now not so ex GF.
I almost had a heart attack when I seen that SD has stopped all abortions from being legal....
I mean.........I could really go on about this issue, but seeing how this is my 1st post in as many weeks...I shall refrain...
For now!
Binks is in Penn. still.............he was a bit harsh with me when I called him to invite him to my weeding...
Moving on...
Well I must finish this bloody assignment...
And off to the job,
Yes I am still working...
Still breathing
Still bonking
Most importantly
Still SHOPPING!!!
Ciao
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
SuperHawks
Well it’s Super Bowl Sunday and our Seahawks have finally made it to the BIG game!!
I along with the rest of the country shall be watching this national past time with the excitement and glee of a small child at x-mas time. I only hope that the Hawks will walk away with that big ''ol ring and come back to this wet and forgotten state champions!!
In other news...
I caught Jo's cold........o joy.
I haven’t spoken with ANY of my friends in ages...........seems Binks is heading off to Pennsylvania for some god awful reason........I don’t know why
Patti Anne is working 900 hours a week so I rarely hear from her.
Stace hasn’t been calling so I can only imagine she is mad @ me again for some bloody reason.
Lets see......I am still at the same job, and will remain as Jo and I have decided that a job is better than NO job regardless of how horrible it might be.
Mr.C is still with that grrl.....I took her out the other evening only to have her X Mr. Porcelain come into the bar and verbally attack me ( cunt, dyke,whore,lesbo,crazy bitch....Etc.) and scream insults and profanities at her. Only thing is she is used to it...........and she claims that she NEVER told him she thought I was ANY of those things..........UH HUH!
So Mr.C is completely enamored with this grrl..........and so we shall see how long this shall last.
I am off to shower, send the fiancée' to the store for beer and goodies for the game.........then either get a happy buzz, or a.... "O WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!?? " buzz..
More lata'
O.........
My buddy in Portland wrote this about Shrubs lil speech the other day......
I thought it fitting..........as well.....I completely agree with him ( the captain that is).
Captain's Log Stardate Tuesday January 31, 2006
State of the Union is... Most Republicans are still suckers!
Bush telling you about how you need to get off your dependence on foreign oil is like Coors, Budweiser and Molson telling you to stop drinking because it's bad. What a fuckin moron. And the only people even more stupid then Bush is the ones who believe anything he says.
Maybe next he'll be telling you his daughter's don't drink, he's a war hero, brown people hate our freedom and that Exxon needs big profits to do research and development and they weren't war profiteering... oh wait, sorry, he's already done all that. Well, except maybe the one about his daughters.
Next election, if you vote for any Republican candidate who is currently in power, don't cry to me or anyone else when terrorists are still blowing up shit, gas is out of control expensive, you have no health care, you're in debt up to your eyeballs, can't declare bankruptcy and, oh yeah, the government knows when your period is, where you go for beers and reads your mail.
Why, that's what America is all about!
I along with the rest of the country shall be watching this national past time with the excitement and glee of a small child at x-mas time. I only hope that the Hawks will walk away with that big ''ol ring and come back to this wet and forgotten state champions!!
In other news...
I caught Jo's cold........o joy.
I haven’t spoken with ANY of my friends in ages...........seems Binks is heading off to Pennsylvania for some god awful reason........I don’t know why
Patti Anne is working 900 hours a week so I rarely hear from her.
Stace hasn’t been calling so I can only imagine she is mad @ me again for some bloody reason.
Lets see......I am still at the same job, and will remain as Jo and I have decided that a job is better than NO job regardless of how horrible it might be.
Mr.C is still with that grrl.....I took her out the other evening only to have her X Mr. Porcelain come into the bar and verbally attack me ( cunt, dyke,whore,lesbo,crazy bitch....Etc.) and scream insults and profanities at her. Only thing is she is used to it...........and she claims that she NEVER told him she thought I was ANY of those things..........UH HUH!
So Mr.C is completely enamored with this grrl..........and so we shall see how long this shall last.
I am off to shower, send the fiancée' to the store for beer and goodies for the game.........then either get a happy buzz, or a.... "O WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!?? " buzz..
More lata'
O.........
My buddy in Portland wrote this about Shrubs lil speech the other day......
I thought it fitting..........as well.....I completely agree with him ( the captain that is).
Captain's Log Stardate Tuesday January 31, 2006
State of the Union is... Most Republicans are still suckers!
Bush telling you about how you need to get off your dependence on foreign oil is like Coors, Budweiser and Molson telling you to stop drinking because it's bad. What a fuckin moron. And the only people even more stupid then Bush is the ones who believe anything he says.
Maybe next he'll be telling you his daughter's don't drink, he's a war hero, brown people hate our freedom and that Exxon needs big profits to do research and development and they weren't war profiteering... oh wait, sorry, he's already done all that. Well, except maybe the one about his daughters.
Next election, if you vote for any Republican candidate who is currently in power, don't cry to me or anyone else when terrorists are still blowing up shit, gas is out of control expensive, you have no health care, you're in debt up to your eyeballs, can't declare bankruptcy and, oh yeah, the government knows when your period is, where you go for beers and reads your mail.
Why, that's what America is all about!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
untitled
Well again I have been a bad bad Blogger.
Life is moving along...
Clint is Back with Angle Grrl and again her daughter is here, with her...
I took her out last night to get a feel for her...and while we were talking her X showed up and showed his wonderful colors. Cops were called...whole bit.
I thought to myself if you can be with someone like that.........your not right.
As well the shit he screamed at me that she supposedly didn’t say about me...
UH HUH
Moving on
School is school
Jo and I are moving in with each other.........
That’s that.
I made the National Deans List...
Only 1/2 of 1% of students in the nation makes it...
I am outy
Life is moving along...
Clint is Back with Angle Grrl and again her daughter is here, with her...
I took her out last night to get a feel for her...and while we were talking her X showed up and showed his wonderful colors. Cops were called...whole bit.
I thought to myself if you can be with someone like that.........your not right.
As well the shit he screamed at me that she supposedly didn’t say about me...
UH HUH
Moving on
School is school
Jo and I are moving in with each other.........
That’s that.
I made the National Deans List...
Only 1/2 of 1% of students in the nation makes it...
I am outy
Friday, January 20, 2006
life or what ever its called
Well I have to make this really quick. As usual. I am off to the gym and then to work... thankfully I still have the Job.
Seems Jo's parents are making her move as they want her to pay double what she was paying for rent...so now we have to figure out what WE are doing ASAP....
I want to live with her.........but I also want to be with my brother.........
So...........you know?
Things are a lil whacked.
School is trudging along.
Life is what you make of it...and right now I seem to be making quarts of sour lemonade...not the refreshing crisp fresh kind... (I sound like a damn country time commercial!)
Okay
I am off to sweat and run and forget for minute how messy things are right now.
Seems Jo's parents are making her move as they want her to pay double what she was paying for rent...so now we have to figure out what WE are doing ASAP....
I want to live with her.........but I also want to be with my brother.........
So...........you know?
Things are a lil whacked.
School is trudging along.
Life is what you make of it...and right now I seem to be making quarts of sour lemonade...not the refreshing crisp fresh kind... (I sound like a damn country time commercial!)
Okay
I am off to sweat and run and forget for minute how messy things are right now.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Manual 101
I stole this.......but Holy fuck if it anit right on the money...
When you meet a lesbian (Hints for the straight women)
Do not run away screaming from the room. This is rude!!! If you must back away, do slowly and with discretion.
Do not assume she is attracted to you.
Do not assume that she is not attracted to you.
Don't assume that you are not attracted to her.
Do not expect her to be as excited about meeting an heterosexual as you may be about meeting a lesbian, she was probably raised by them.
Do not immediately start talking about your boyfriend or husband in order to make it clear that you are straight. She probably already knows.
Do not ask her how she got that way. Instead ask yourself how YOU got that way.
Do not assume that she is dying to talk about being a lesbian.
Do not expect her to refrain from talking about being a lesbian.
Do not assume that because she is a lesbian she wants to be treated like a man.
Do not trivialise her experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only.
She is a lesbian 24 hours a day.
When you meet a lesbian (Hints for the straight women)
Do not run away screaming from the room. This is rude!!! If you must back away, do slowly and with discretion.
Do not assume she is attracted to you.
Do not assume that she is not attracted to you.
Don't assume that you are not attracted to her.
Do not expect her to be as excited about meeting an heterosexual as you may be about meeting a lesbian, she was probably raised by them.
Do not immediately start talking about your boyfriend or husband in order to make it clear that you are straight. She probably already knows.
Do not ask her how she got that way. Instead ask yourself how YOU got that way.
Do not assume that she is dying to talk about being a lesbian.
Do not expect her to refrain from talking about being a lesbian.
Do not assume that because she is a lesbian she wants to be treated like a man.
Do not trivialise her experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only.
She is a lesbian 24 hours a day.
Quickie
This will B a Quick update....
I know I have been out a commission for ages, but I have been so insanely busy its not even funny.
Lets See......
Mr.C and Angel Grrl are now separated.
I spent the holidays alone.
I went to Missouri on New Yrs Eve to meet my future in Laws...
(This is a story I shall have to get back 2...just know it was a BIG 'OL CLUSTER FUCK!)
Side note
I've decided to elaborate on the meeting with the in -laws. It was a horrible experience. See the whole reason I went to meet the Clever's ( I use this as a way to describe them as they truly are the Clever's incarnate) was to inform them that Jo and I were to be married. Of course the parents were shocked and thought we were rushing and yadda yadda. Well in order for us to tell them the news.....we needed a bit of liquid courage. Well Tequila was the poison we chose...............needless to say Jo ended up praying to the porcelain God and I was stuck with the Clever's.......namely the mother..........well...........needless to say many many things were discussed and many things were said by the mother.....about her own daughter......and of course I divulged the discussion and the things that were said to Jo.......as the things that the mother said were absolutely horrible and mean. If my mother had said the things she said I would have never spoken to her again. Well...............I had a few drinks.......and I was drunk.........but not blackout drunk or sloppy drunk.........and I remember every damn word of that conversation............and to put things in a better perspective.....immediately after the conversation I woke Jo up to tell her what her mother had said..........so as to not forget. Well..........of course when mother was confronted she denied everything....Convenient isn't it?....Made me out to be the monster and went on to tell individuals that I have a drinking problem and am a nasty individual. To this day she still blames me.......denies ever saying the things that were said. I will say that the In-laws are in all actuality good people..........very generous ..........although the mother will be more than happy to generous , but then tell you how much it set her back or that it was so hard to do so...........which .......I have never understood individuals who do this as if it is so hard......then why do it? Other than to make the recipients feel guilty. So that being said........thank you both for everything you have done for Jo and I...........but I will not forget that conversation and I will not forgive being called a liar and a drunk and a nasty individual.......I also do not enjoy nor understand individuals who don't have the balls to say what they really feel to a persons face.......go behind their backs and talk shit to their daughters ex's...........really insightful into ones character.......................I have not forgotten nor will I forgive this ..............as I know what was said and out of courtesy to my spouse I will not repeat it here...........I mean just know if thats how they feel about thier only daughter...........wow.
Moving on......................
I am now back in school...
I still hate my job.
Lucy is back @ work now.
Hmmmmm
O the Professor and I are doing fabulous...
Just yesterday she bought and had installed a 6 CD changer/stereo system in my car!!
(My belated B-day and X-mas gift)
She also bought me a beautiful dresser...actually 2. One for here and one for there.
We are seriously committed to one another. Marriage is the topic of the day ALL the time...and I shall have to divulge more about my feelings and so forth on this lil topic soon............
( Her X is being a freak as of late.......Miss Horse.......so I am going to have to deal with the lesbian of the Mountain here soon)
O boy...
So I must be off 2 the 'ol jobola!!!
O JOY!!!
But I will B back tonight!!
Thanx for all your patience my Blogger Buddies and real-time friends
You know who you are!!
O and ‘M’...good to hear from ya!!!!!!
Ciao
I know I have been out a commission for ages, but I have been so insanely busy its not even funny.
Lets See......
Mr.C and Angel Grrl are now separated.
I spent the holidays alone.
I went to Missouri on New Yrs Eve to meet my future in Laws...
(This is a story I shall have to get back 2...just know it was a BIG 'OL CLUSTER FUCK!)
Side note
I've decided to elaborate on the meeting with the in -laws. It was a horrible experience. See the whole reason I went to meet the Clever's ( I use this as a way to describe them as they truly are the Clever's incarnate) was to inform them that Jo and I were to be married. Of course the parents were shocked and thought we were rushing and yadda yadda. Well in order for us to tell them the news.....we needed a bit of liquid courage. Well Tequila was the poison we chose...............needless to say Jo ended up praying to the porcelain God and I was stuck with the Clever's.......namely the mother..........well...........needless to say many many things were discussed and many things were said by the mother.....about her own daughter......and of course I divulged the discussion and the things that were said to Jo.......as the things that the mother said were absolutely horrible and mean. If my mother had said the things she said I would have never spoken to her again. Well...............I had a few drinks.......and I was drunk.........but not blackout drunk or sloppy drunk.........and I remember every damn word of that conversation............and to put things in a better perspective.....immediately after the conversation I woke Jo up to tell her what her mother had said..........so as to not forget. Well..........of course when mother was confronted she denied everything....Convenient isn't it?....Made me out to be the monster and went on to tell individuals that I have a drinking problem and am a nasty individual. To this day she still blames me.......denies ever saying the things that were said. I will say that the In-laws are in all actuality good people..........very generous ..........although the mother will be more than happy to generous , but then tell you how much it set her back or that it was so hard to do so...........which .......I have never understood individuals who do this as if it is so hard......then why do it? Other than to make the recipients feel guilty. So that being said........thank you both for everything you have done for Jo and I...........but I will not forget that conversation and I will not forgive being called a liar and a drunk and a nasty individual.......I also do not enjoy nor understand individuals who don't have the balls to say what they really feel to a persons face.......go behind their backs and talk shit to their daughters ex's...........really insightful into ones character.......................I have not forgotten nor will I forgive this ..............as I know what was said and out of courtesy to my spouse I will not repeat it here...........I mean just know if thats how they feel about thier only daughter...........wow.
Moving on......................
I am now back in school...
I still hate my job.
Lucy is back @ work now.
Hmmmmm
O the Professor and I are doing fabulous...
Just yesterday she bought and had installed a 6 CD changer/stereo system in my car!!
(My belated B-day and X-mas gift)
She also bought me a beautiful dresser...actually 2. One for here and one for there.
We are seriously committed to one another. Marriage is the topic of the day ALL the time...and I shall have to divulge more about my feelings and so forth on this lil topic soon............
( Her X is being a freak as of late.......Miss Horse.......so I am going to have to deal with the lesbian of the Mountain here soon)
O boy...
So I must be off 2 the 'ol jobola!!!
O JOY!!!
But I will B back tonight!!
Thanx for all your patience my Blogger Buddies and real-time friends
You know who you are!!
O and ‘M’...good to hear from ya!!!!!!
Ciao
Monday, December 05, 2005
98.7%
That’s right........I am almost finished with School.......English is DONE!!!
Accounting..........1 more exam
Soc........3 assignments that I will do Wed.
Math.............INCOMPLETE
I am going to make it.........I really am!!!!
Jo.......the Professor..........my now Fiancée'...is GREAT........we practically live 2gether now........
Mr. C Is ABfAB...........
Aunt Glo and I are great again
Kuntjoy......well he overdosed...........spent 2 nights in the hospital........he is home now..........we shall see how he does....
I am off to make coffee and shower for work, which I took 9 days away from THANK GOD!!!!
Ok
More lata'
Accounting..........1 more exam
Soc........3 assignments that I will do Wed.
Math.............INCOMPLETE
I am going to make it.........I really am!!!!
Jo.......the Professor..........my now Fiancée'...is GREAT........we practically live 2gether now........
Mr. C Is ABfAB...........
Aunt Glo and I are great again
Kuntjoy......well he overdosed...........spent 2 nights in the hospital........he is home now..........we shall see how he does....
I am off to make coffee and shower for work, which I took 9 days away from THANK GOD!!!!
Ok
More lata'
Monday, November 21, 2005
screwed
Everything is a mess
And I mean everything...........I really feel for the 1st time that my life is spinning out of my control and I am at a loss as to how to fix it...........
My relationship with my brother.........my lover........my job.........and most importantly my academic career is all amiss..............so basically my whole fucking future.................I want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for the next 20 or so yrs......
So hang on until I wake up...............
I'll get back to ya
And I mean everything...........I really feel for the 1st time that my life is spinning out of my control and I am at a loss as to how to fix it...........
My relationship with my brother.........my lover........my job.........and most importantly my academic career is all amiss..............so basically my whole fucking future.................I want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for the next 20 or so yrs......
So hang on until I wake up...............
I'll get back to ya
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Need another holiday
This will B Short.
I need a holiday from my holiday.
It was fabulous......Orcas Is. was Beautiful....it was the drive that was exhausting as I HATE driving at night...and well.........we drove at night a considerable amount of time.......
The Professor and I are doing well..
Mr.C is happy, but his new truck is giving him grief.
Lucy quit at the J.
:(
Ummmmm
Im hungry and in need of hooking up my new DELL which is still IN ITS BOX!!!!
I know I know
so I shall try and do that this weekend.......as well I have an accounting exam and I need to finish up SOC> which I am doing on me 5 day holiday at the end of NOV. I also have to submit my writing portfolio.....so I can register for next term....
Ok....that just about does it for now.....
Life keeps on trucking along.....
More lata
I need a holiday from my holiday.
It was fabulous......Orcas Is. was Beautiful....it was the drive that was exhausting as I HATE driving at night...and well.........we drove at night a considerable amount of time.......
The Professor and I are doing well..
Mr.C is happy, but his new truck is giving him grief.
Lucy quit at the J.
:(
Ummmmm
Im hungry and in need of hooking up my new DELL which is still IN ITS BOX!!!!
I know I know
so I shall try and do that this weekend.......as well I have an accounting exam and I need to finish up SOC> which I am doing on me 5 day holiday at the end of NOV. I also have to submit my writing portfolio.....so I can register for next term....
Ok....that just about does it for now.....
Life keeps on trucking along.....
More lata
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
eons
Yes I know!!!!!!
Its been a LONG flippin time since I have Blogged........but I have been a bit busy with me life.
I really don’t know where to begin.
Patti Anne came last weekend ( well I don’t know if she actually 'came', but she was here!) and all was well there..........took her to Pullman when she arrived for a Halloween party and to meet the Professor...........as well as the rest of the Professors friends..........we then came back here the following day for........ well...... an interesting day..........but all was well.........I hope she had a good visit, as well, it was different..........
The Professor and I are stronger than we have been, we have been through allot the past week, or 2 and I feel it has only brought us closer, but at the same time I am scared to death that when she feels more like herself she will see me .........I mean really SEE me and then leave............as right now things are not at all Kosher with her............plus Miss. Horse has spilt with her GF, and is now single and I fear that they will somehow find themselves pulled to one another............as the Professor has mentioned she misses intellectual conversations and such, which is fine as I do as well............but she hasn’t really been in a place to have these..........and well I haven’t a clue as to what is going on in the world or with my studies or anything..........I feel completely lost.
I have let everything go to be with her.......and now I have to figure out what I am going to do...........with school, work is the only thing that is OK............thankfully..... as I am also for the 1st time financially crunched............well not to the point of OMG I CANT AFFORMD MY EGG NOG LATE'! ...........but I am not happy with my financial situation.......
I really just need to a week to myself to catch up and get this shit done.........
Which is what I shall do......... AFTER........
I go to Seattle this weekend or a place near Seattle called the Rosario Resort & Spa..........off of the San Juan Islands...here is a few pics
We are leaving Sat. morning EARLY........and returning Monday.................hopefully the drive will be OK as I know the passes are shit..................but Sweet T thinks we should be OK.
I also just purchased a new PC.............................which I am happy about..........so I am going to be receiving that here soon.......
Order Group Quantity Item Description
1 1 221-9861 DIM E510,P4,630 (3.0 GHZ),HT
1 1 311-5491 512MB DDR2 SDRAM,400MHZ- 2X256MB,DIM,M
1 1 310-5234 DELL USB KEYBOARD,DIM,LC
1 1 320-4135 17IN (17.0 IN) E173FPV,FPIB,DIM,M
1 1 320-4270 INTEGRATED VIDEO
1 1 341-0884 160GB SERIAL ATA,7200 RPM,DIM,M
1 1 341-2724 3.5IN,1.44MB,FD,DIM
1 1 412-0688 IMAGE RESTORE, DIM
1 1 412-0721 DELL SUPPORT 3.0,DIM 3000,4600,4700
1 1 420-4927 WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER 10,DIM
1 1 420-5646 WINXP MCE 2005,ENG,DIM,NM,NA,U
1 1 463-2282 THANKS FOR PURCHASING YOUR DELL
1 1 420-5460 ONLINE TRAINING SW ICON,DIM/INSP
1 1 420-5476 DELL DIRECT DOWNLOAD,DHS,DIM/INSP
1 1 420-5598 WILD TANGENT GAMING CLIENT,DIM/INSP
1 1 310-6477 DELL 2-BUTTON USB OPTICAL MOUSE,DIM
1 1 430-0412 INTEGRATED,INTEL PRO 100M PCI NIC CARD
1 1 313-3515 V.92/56K PCI DATAFAX,MODEM,LF,DIM
1 1 412-0705 ADOBE ACROBAT READER 6.0
1 1 313-3724 16X DVD+/-RW CD-RW COMBO DRIVE,DIM05,M
1 1 420-5079 DECODING SOFTWARE,POWER DVD,DIM
1 1 313-2758 INTEGRATED AUDIO
1 1 313-3807 DELL A525 SPEAKERS,LF,DIM
1 1 420-5638 TRENDMICRO 12.5,PC-CILLIN,ENG,90DAY,DIM
1 1 412-0842 MUSIC MATCH 10.1 BASIC,ODP,DIM/INSP
1 1 412-0845 PHOTO ALBUM 6.0 STARTER,DIM/INSP
1 1 412-0687 NETZERO ISP,DIM/INSP
1 1 412-0625 DELL/MY WAY HOME PAGE
1 1 420-3224 BROADBAND ICON FOR CONSUMER
1 1 412-0787 AOL FOR BROADBAND
1 1 420-5256 NETSCAPE ISP,DIM/INSP
1 1 412-0803 WORDPERFECT OFFICE 12 + TRIAL,DIM/INSP
1 1 950-3337 1YR LIMITED WARRANTY
1 1 950-9797 NO WARRANTY,YRS 2/3(DIM,INSP,NBD)
1 1 960-6380 TECH SPRT,DIM,S90,INIT YR
1 1 960-6200 NBD,DIM,BSC,S90,INIT YR,DHS,HIGH
1 1 983-2207 INFO, SERVICES DELL
1 1 464-2647 THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING DELL
1 1 420-5139 QUICKBOOKS SP SIMPLE START,DIM/INSP,DHS
1 1 464-5503 PC RESTORE RECOVERY SYSTEM
Ok I think that brings us all back to date with me..............
I am off to the gym
more lata'
Its been a LONG flippin time since I have Blogged........but I have been a bit busy with me life.
I really don’t know where to begin.
Patti Anne came last weekend ( well I don’t know if she actually 'came', but she was here!) and all was well there..........took her to Pullman when she arrived for a Halloween party and to meet the Professor...........as well as the rest of the Professors friends..........we then came back here the following day for........ well...... an interesting day..........but all was well.........I hope she had a good visit, as well, it was different..........
The Professor and I are stronger than we have been, we have been through allot the past week, or 2 and I feel it has only brought us closer, but at the same time I am scared to death that when she feels more like herself she will see me .........I mean really SEE me and then leave............as right now things are not at all Kosher with her............plus Miss. Horse has spilt with her GF, and is now single and I fear that they will somehow find themselves pulled to one another............as the Professor has mentioned she misses intellectual conversations and such, which is fine as I do as well............but she hasn’t really been in a place to have these..........and well I haven’t a clue as to what is going on in the world or with my studies or anything..........I feel completely lost.
I have let everything go to be with her.......and now I have to figure out what I am going to do...........with school, work is the only thing that is OK............thankfully..... as I am also for the 1st time financially crunched............well not to the point of OMG I CANT AFFORMD MY EGG NOG LATE'! ...........but I am not happy with my financial situation.......
I really just need to a week to myself to catch up and get this shit done.........
Which is what I shall do......... AFTER........
I go to Seattle this weekend or a place near Seattle called the Rosario Resort & Spa..........off of the San Juan Islands...here is a few pics
We are leaving Sat. morning EARLY........and returning Monday.................hopefully the drive will be OK as I know the passes are shit..................but Sweet T thinks we should be OK.
I also just purchased a new PC.............................which I am happy about..........so I am going to be receiving that here soon.......
Order Group Quantity Item Description
1 1 221-9861 DIM E510,P4,630 (3.0 GHZ),HT
1 1 311-5491 512MB DDR2 SDRAM,400MHZ- 2X256MB,DIM,M
1 1 310-5234 DELL USB KEYBOARD,DIM,LC
1 1 320-4135 17IN (17.0 IN) E173FPV,FPIB,DIM,M
1 1 320-4270 INTEGRATED VIDEO
1 1 341-0884 160GB SERIAL ATA,7200 RPM,DIM,M
1 1 341-2724 3.5IN,1.44MB,FD,DIM
1 1 412-0688 IMAGE RESTORE, DIM
1 1 412-0721 DELL SUPPORT 3.0,DIM 3000,4600,4700
1 1 420-4927 WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER 10,DIM
1 1 420-5646 WINXP MCE 2005,ENG,DIM,NM,NA,U
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Ok I think that brings us all back to date with me..............
I am off to the gym
more lata'
Monday, October 24, 2005
Past/Present= CRASH
I know I know...again I have been a neglectful Blogger...what can I say?
Not much
Really.
Okay here we go with a recap of my week..........
I worked Thurs-Fri....
Friday night after work at about 10ish I called my GF who was at the bar with Sweet T copping a buzz..........she asked if I would cum or come up there...and I says
YESUMMM
I then jump in me car and cruise on up.........which I hate driving at night for reasons I shall divulge at a later date............so Friday night I played drinker grrl..............which is all good
:)
Veddy Nice............
Can anyone say
OH SHANE!!!!!????
I can
OH SHANE!!
YOOHOO
OVER HERE!!!!
Uh huh
Moving on......
I passed out............from exhaustion if nothing else.............Ok so that leads me to yesterday..................Sunday/ hangover- I -wanna- die -day....................I managed to take a nap and then came home to check on me beloved lil brother who had some really good news for me...
Seems Mr. C totaled his car Sat. morning...............completely totaled it............he is fine, but the passenger in the other vehicle is claiming back pain, so I am waiting to be served now anytime as the car was in my name.................sooooooooooooooo
I then went back to the Professors.......................Sunday afternoon as Sweet T was coming back over to make us dinner while we watched Absolutely Fabulous, which it was absolutely fabulous..........I do adore that show sweeties!!!
Ok
And I cannot go back there again...........not now.
Once again this is my only outlet..............a window of sorts to peek out of/into............let something in and out............
In through the out door...........
This is mylfe
Mr. C is sleeping .............I came in and he was so happy to see me...I miss him...so I am going to spend this week with him...and my home .............and try and sort through this pain and try to find a way to be at peace with ME again.................
I am off to work now...
More lata'
Not much
Really.
Okay here we go with a recap of my week..........
I worked Thurs-Fri....
Friday night after work at about 10ish I called my GF who was at the bar with Sweet T copping a buzz..........she asked if I would cum or come up there...and I says
YESUMMM
I then jump in me car and cruise on up.........which I hate driving at night for reasons I shall divulge at a later date............so Friday night I played drinker grrl..............which is all good
:)
Veddy Nice............
Can anyone say
OH SHANE!!!!!????
I can
OH SHANE!!
YOOHOO
OVER HERE!!!!
Uh huh
Moving on......
I passed out............from exhaustion if nothing else.............Ok so that leads me to yesterday..................Sunday/ hangover- I -wanna- die -day....................I managed to take a nap and then came home to check on me beloved lil brother who had some really good news for me...
Seems Mr. C totaled his car Sat. morning...............completely totaled it............he is fine, but the passenger in the other vehicle is claiming back pain, so I am waiting to be served now anytime as the car was in my name.................sooooooooooooooo
I then went back to the Professors.......................Sunday afternoon as Sweet T was coming back over to make us dinner while we watched Absolutely Fabulous, which it was absolutely fabulous..........I do adore that show sweeties!!!
Ok
And I cannot go back there again...........not now.
Once again this is my only outlet..............a window of sorts to peek out of/into............let something in and out............
In through the out door...........
This is mylfe
Mr. C is sleeping .............I came in and he was so happy to see me...I miss him...so I am going to spend this week with him...and my home .............and try and sort through this pain and try to find a way to be at peace with ME again.................
I am off to work now...
More lata'
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Anni
I missed my Anniversary!
DAMMIT!!!
My BLOG anniversary...see I started this here Blog a yr ago on the 9th of Oct. 2004.
Where did the time go?
To be honest it seems like the time went rather slowly...........with spurts of insanity and chaos intertwined with slow motion boredom.........
However...that cannot be said for the past month
Or so.
ALSO
I have had over 5000 hits...one wouldnt know with my current counter, but I know as I have an invisible one
UH HUH
I smart!!!!
FOOLED YA's!!
Nothing really new to report...............I spent the afternoon with my GF.... and it was great.........BUT............something is amiss...and now that I am in a relationship I don’t feel I can truly divulge the goings on of the details of my relationship to the world, so I am going to have to find other ways to vent...without sacrificing OUR privacy............
I mean think about it..........if one were to be married, the other half wouldn’t be to enthused to know the other half was divulging the goings on of the marriage to the entire planet..........well I know I wouldn’t...........so from here on out...I will speak of my GF in general terms such as
"We went to the movies, but I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about!!'
That sorta thang
:)
Aint I a daisy?
Uh huh
Moving on............
Time for more accounting...
And Binks will be here in a few days so I am playing major house cleaning freak.........I was up until 3AM mopping floors last night, which is why I was an hour late to my Gf’s (that and I had to run to the REZ to get her her LAST carton of smokes)
SO
I am playing the number nerd alert and Mrs. Clever house Cleaner
Oh I rhymed
hee hee
More lata'
DAMMIT!!!
My BLOG anniversary...see I started this here Blog a yr ago on the 9th of Oct. 2004.
Where did the time go?
To be honest it seems like the time went rather slowly...........with spurts of insanity and chaos intertwined with slow motion boredom.........
However...that cannot be said for the past month
Or so.
ALSO
I have had over 5000 hits...one wouldnt know with my current counter, but I know as I have an invisible one
UH HUH
I smart!!!!
FOOLED YA's!!
Nothing really new to report...............I spent the afternoon with my GF.... and it was great.........BUT............something is amiss...and now that I am in a relationship I don’t feel I can truly divulge the goings on of the details of my relationship to the world, so I am going to have to find other ways to vent...without sacrificing OUR privacy............
I mean think about it..........if one were to be married, the other half wouldn’t be to enthused to know the other half was divulging the goings on of the marriage to the entire planet..........well I know I wouldn’t...........so from here on out...I will speak of my GF in general terms such as
"We went to the movies, but I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about!!'
That sorta thang
:)
Aint I a daisy?
Uh huh
Moving on............
Time for more accounting...
And Binks will be here in a few days so I am playing major house cleaning freak.........I was up until 3AM mopping floors last night, which is why I was an hour late to my Gf’s (that and I had to run to the REZ to get her her LAST carton of smokes)
SO
I am playing the number nerd alert and Mrs. Clever house Cleaner
Oh I rhymed
hee hee
More lata'
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Activation
Well last night at work was a good one.........although my Gaydar is OFF in a big way..........see there is this nurse who I SWORE was gay...............I mean how couldnt she be???????? ......Now that was a stupid question.......Anyway.............. she was standing there talking to someone and mentioned her husband.... OK...............so I am trying to figure out if this CODE for GF or WIFE or if I need a fucking tune-up?
Moving on...
I FINALLY activated my new cell phone..........no more SSKSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!
OMG I couldn’t take it anymore...........and lately I have been using my brothers phone as I cant even talk on mine...................he doesn’t mind, but I mean I am on the phone ALOTT ................and he tends to like to use his own phone on occasion..........so I am pretty sure he will be happy that I finally did the phone thang................now all I have to do is program all me #'s in the damn thang, which will take 4ever.......................that’s why I was avoiding doing it............
OK
Now I know mylfe is boring when all I have to Blog about is my new celly...........
I am looking forward to Binks coming Saturday...........and then Patti Anne on the 28th...
IT’S ABOUT TIME!!!
I have only been gone over a yr now........................but................this last trip to the wet city was exceptionally good................we all got along so well without any flippin drama from my ex's.........and that was what made for a nice and relaxing visit, which may or may not of been the deciding factor for them both to come.............as previous visits were............well in a word................INSANE.........lots of drinking...on my part.........and on the part of my X.............X lover to be precise.......anyway ...............without that individual in the picture things were very sedate and nice....and that’s exactly how this holiday for the 2 of them shall be............
Looking forward to it...............I am I yam
Ok then..............I must be off to smoke..............and then shower................and then read accounting............
Fun with numbers
O joy
O …………and I do have a song for the day
Ordinary Love by Sade
I love Sade
But for some reason this song fits my mood today………..and my heart…and well u get the picture…
More lata'
Moving on...
I FINALLY activated my new cell phone..........no more SSKSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!
OMG I couldn’t take it anymore...........and lately I have been using my brothers phone as I cant even talk on mine...................he doesn’t mind, but I mean I am on the phone ALOTT ................and he tends to like to use his own phone on occasion..........so I am pretty sure he will be happy that I finally did the phone thang................now all I have to do is program all me #'s in the damn thang, which will take 4ever.......................that’s why I was avoiding doing it............
OK
Now I know mylfe is boring when all I have to Blog about is my new celly...........
I am looking forward to Binks coming Saturday...........and then Patti Anne on the 28th...
IT’S ABOUT TIME!!!
I have only been gone over a yr now........................but................this last trip to the wet city was exceptionally good................we all got along so well without any flippin drama from my ex's.........and that was what made for a nice and relaxing visit, which may or may not of been the deciding factor for them both to come.............as previous visits were............well in a word................INSANE.........lots of drinking...on my part.........and on the part of my X.............X lover to be precise.......anyway ...............without that individual in the picture things were very sedate and nice....and that’s exactly how this holiday for the 2 of them shall be............
Looking forward to it...............I am I yam
Ok then..............I must be off to smoke..............and then shower................and then read accounting............
Fun with numbers
O joy
O …………and I do have a song for the day
Ordinary Love by Sade
I love Sade
But for some reason this song fits my mood today………..and my heart…and well u get the picture…
More lata'
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
In Sickness and in Health
Well once again I have been neglecting this here Blog, but I have reason(s) for my lack of posting.
1st of all Binks came over this past weekend. He made it Saturday night at about 4PM....I then took him to Roosters for dinner which was veddy nice...we had a great conversation and then we ventured to the local gay pub, which I had never been in to b4, and I must admit I really liked the atmosphere, very retro 70'ish..............and the bartender was very courteous and sweet.........after I took Binks to the Litter Box where we met up with Mr. C who was by this time feeling no pain!! He was really entertaining...we shot some darts and then headed to Shooters for a few games of stick and more entertaining amusement from my little drunken brother...the only downer to the evening was when Miss James showed up (Mr.C’s X) as I really cant stand her and neither can Binks and it turns out neither can Mr.C (he just informed me this about an hour ago)..........
So afterwards Binks and I came home and watched the L Word and called it a night............although another funny event was when we were leaving the Litter Box, Binks used his mommies Cruiser as a 4 Wheel drive...........drove RIGHT over the concrete parking divider...OUCH.........no harm done though...but it was LAUGHS
So Sunday we slept in and then dashed about town buying steaks and booze for the BBQ we were having for Binks, Lucy, Mr. C and meself...........plus we had to jet up to Pullman so Binks could meet the love of me life The Professor............we finally made it there around 5ish...poor Professor was sick with a cold...so I explained to her the plans for the evening and she looked at me with those hypnotic eyes of hers and asked (can I come too?) I says YESUUMMM
:)
So The Professor, Binks, and I then ventured to Riccos (as this is where her and I met and its OUR bar now) for a quick shot and we then cruised on back to my place............after playing make out in the back seat while Binks drove we arrived to my home where we all had dinner and watched Bound (HOT MOVIE) .............and The Professor stayed @ me home for the very 1st time.............in the process she gave me her cold...
Well Monday morning I took my baby home and promised to come back to take her to see the Dr as she was really dizzy and nauseated by this time..............so I then came back to Clarkston to take Binks shopping and say Buh Bye's..........we scored on some really killer Leather Jackets at Shopko...........so we were stylin in a big way................ as usual ;)
Binks then stayed on to hook up Mr. C's Hi FI system whilst I drove BACK to Pullman where I then took My baby to the DR....I even went in with her and held her lil hand...she was so cute...she had an inner ear infection, so they gave her anti- vertigo meds and anti-nausea meds.............so............that was Monday................I now am home..........as I have been with The Professor since Sunday night....................
WOW
Last night was a trip though cos one of the Professors friends..............Sweet T is what I shall call her, well she is gay as well.............and my friend to now...actually we all are going on holiday in November to an Island up off of Seattle for a weekend of Spa and spoils.........anyways...I flirt extensively with Sweet T...cos it makes her all nervous and tingly, well last night the Professor wanted us to watch a Power Point presentation she made while in Alaska on gay rights............so after having a few brewskies, the Professor said go cuddle with Sweet T while we all watch, so me being me, I did..........
Well when Sweet T left, the Professor was not HAPPY..........at all!!!
So we talked ................and now I know the boundaries..........and that’s good cos I really wanted to know where me boundaries were.... but like the Professor said " How would u like it if I was doing that with another woman?" Well I wouldn’t, but then again I wouldn’t have even told her to go and cuddle with another woman............so it was a weird night, but we are OK now...I hope anyway..................
All I know is we spent the past 4 days together.............were sick together................ate together.........slept in front of the fire together...pretty much were TOGETHER most of the past 4 days...and I am more madly in love with her now than b4, and I hope she knows that there isn’t another woman on the planet that could take me from her.................not now..............not ever..................
I LOVE YOU PROFESSOR!!!
And if need be I will shout it from the highest mountain and smallest stream to let her know that I love her with all of my being...and just cos I might hug or cuddle a friend doesn’t take away the intensity of my love and adoration for my GF..................
Ok then
I must be off to work...I have had a good day today....................PLUS the shrub lady is here trimming the hedges, she is really cute too...shook my hand and asked my name and said " Nice hand shake!'...And winked at me..............I smiled and walked away....................
Smiling to myself.......................and thinking............God.............I am so in love .................Miss Jolie could be trimming my hedges and I wouldn’t even notice her ................I really wouldn’t.......... I know I know Ur all saying............. RIGHT NICOLE!
But I know ME!!!
ME LOVES The Professor!!
I do.
Still.
Ok then
More lata'
1st of all Binks came over this past weekend. He made it Saturday night at about 4PM....I then took him to Roosters for dinner which was veddy nice...we had a great conversation and then we ventured to the local gay pub, which I had never been in to b4, and I must admit I really liked the atmosphere, very retro 70'ish..............and the bartender was very courteous and sweet.........after I took Binks to the Litter Box where we met up with Mr. C who was by this time feeling no pain!! He was really entertaining...we shot some darts and then headed to Shooters for a few games of stick and more entertaining amusement from my little drunken brother...the only downer to the evening was when Miss James showed up (Mr.C’s X) as I really cant stand her and neither can Binks and it turns out neither can Mr.C (he just informed me this about an hour ago)..........
So afterwards Binks and I came home and watched the L Word and called it a night............although another funny event was when we were leaving the Litter Box, Binks used his mommies Cruiser as a 4 Wheel drive...........drove RIGHT over the concrete parking divider...OUCH.........no harm done though...but it was LAUGHS
So Sunday we slept in and then dashed about town buying steaks and booze for the BBQ we were having for Binks, Lucy, Mr. C and meself...........plus we had to jet up to Pullman so Binks could meet the love of me life The Professor............we finally made it there around 5ish...poor Professor was sick with a cold...so I explained to her the plans for the evening and she looked at me with those hypnotic eyes of hers and asked (can I come too?) I says YESUUMMM
:)
So The Professor, Binks, and I then ventured to Riccos (as this is where her and I met and its OUR bar now) for a quick shot and we then cruised on back to my place............after playing make out in the back seat while Binks drove we arrived to my home where we all had dinner and watched Bound (HOT MOVIE) .............and The Professor stayed @ me home for the very 1st time.............in the process she gave me her cold...
Well Monday morning I took my baby home and promised to come back to take her to see the Dr as she was really dizzy and nauseated by this time..............so I then came back to Clarkston to take Binks shopping and say Buh Bye's..........we scored on some really killer Leather Jackets at Shopko...........so we were stylin in a big way................ as usual ;)
Binks then stayed on to hook up Mr. C's Hi FI system whilst I drove BACK to Pullman where I then took My baby to the DR....I even went in with her and held her lil hand...she was so cute...she had an inner ear infection, so they gave her anti- vertigo meds and anti-nausea meds.............so............that was Monday................I now am home..........as I have been with The Professor since Sunday night....................
WOW
Last night was a trip though cos one of the Professors friends..............Sweet T is what I shall call her, well she is gay as well.............and my friend to now...actually we all are going on holiday in November to an Island up off of Seattle for a weekend of Spa and spoils.........anyways...I flirt extensively with Sweet T...cos it makes her all nervous and tingly, well last night the Professor wanted us to watch a Power Point presentation she made while in Alaska on gay rights............so after having a few brewskies, the Professor said go cuddle with Sweet T while we all watch, so me being me, I did..........
Well when Sweet T left, the Professor was not HAPPY..........at all!!!
So we talked ................and now I know the boundaries..........and that’s good cos I really wanted to know where me boundaries were.... but like the Professor said " How would u like it if I was doing that with another woman?" Well I wouldn’t, but then again I wouldn’t have even told her to go and cuddle with another woman............so it was a weird night, but we are OK now...I hope anyway..................
All I know is we spent the past 4 days together.............were sick together................ate together.........slept in front of the fire together...pretty much were TOGETHER most of the past 4 days...and I am more madly in love with her now than b4, and I hope she knows that there isn’t another woman on the planet that could take me from her.................not now..............not ever..................
I LOVE YOU PROFESSOR!!!
And if need be I will shout it from the highest mountain and smallest stream to let her know that I love her with all of my being...and just cos I might hug or cuddle a friend doesn’t take away the intensity of my love and adoration for my GF..................
Ok then
I must be off to work...I have had a good day today....................PLUS the shrub lady is here trimming the hedges, she is really cute too...shook my hand and asked my name and said " Nice hand shake!'...And winked at me..............I smiled and walked away....................
Smiling to myself.......................and thinking............God.............I am so in love .................Miss Jolie could be trimming my hedges and I wouldn’t even notice her ................I really wouldn’t.......... I know I know Ur all saying............. RIGHT NICOLE!
But I know ME!!!
ME LOVES The Professor!!
I do.
Still.
Ok then
More lata'
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Breakdown
The only word I can find that can suitably describe my emotional state right now...Is completely BROKEN...
I just received some news..........and I sat here..........not shocked.... as I had this premonition last night that the woman I am in love with would hear from her X, and indeed she did...I knew this last night...I was sitting here last night............... right here...and it hit me...........Miss Horse is going to contact the Professor...and what do u know...she did.........and apparently they are meeting in Spokane .............
I am writing this here as I truly have no place else to vent...........after the initial shock of it...and being told I have nothing to worry about...that this is something the Professor needs to do to truly move on...it hit me...........
I have been here.........2 other times...no make that 3.............3
I am numb.........I know how this works...........
And it just hit me...all the pain...the uncertainty...being scared, no terrified..........and I lost it...I am so happy my brother is asleep...cos If he would have walked in and seen his sister literally falling apart on her bedroom floor...well.........he would have been a bit devastated...all the hurt I went through with Dego and Teabag, and some of James.... just came rushing back again............and I lost it...I don’t think I have felt like this in 3 yrs..........and I am trying to pull it together as I have to go to work in an hour.......and when Nicole walks in everyone expects this strong-together,smart,confident woman to walk in...........
That’s who I have to be...
And today I’m not
I hate this day...and the way I am feeling and the fact I cannot seem to stop grabbing the box of Kleenex.........I want to go to the gym and just sweat this pain out of me..............for hours and hours............
I also keep thinking of Binks and how badly I NEED him to hold me right now...I keep listening to this song or CD he sent me............ Tommy Land...Hello Again & I need you...and it just makes me cry or sob more...............not becos it makes me sad, but becos his friendship is right now the only thing that I know would make me pick myself literally up off of the floor.............
I know I need to do this today...........fall apart............as I have so much to fucking do this weekend...and I don’t have time for the mental breakdown I am so desperately in need of...
I don’t know what this meeting will bring to the Professor and Miss Horse; I just know what I feel...........
I am happy she told me...and of course she has sent me MANY emails between her and the X...which I have to be honest, I didnt need to read............
I feel like I am invading ............imposing...........
I feel fatigued emotionally.
I know this may make no sense to my readers, but I spent the Professors 37th with her...I made this an incredibly romantic day for her..........
Yesterday she told me she loved me
Sunday she is going to see Miss Horse
Today I am dying...
Mr.C told last night this would happen...........I should learn to listen to him...I think from now on I will just keep him in my pocket.........and when I need to make a decision I will pull him out...........cos he is so RIGHT. Maybe becos he knows me so well............
I want so desperately to wake him up..........but I cant let him see me like this...cos trust me.............the reluctance he feels for the Professor will just increase............
I have to go and try and make myself look human again..............
I should have stayed @ work, but I wasn’t on the schedule until 2...so I left...and came home..........and received this news that has made every vulnerability I have come to the surface..........
I wish all you who think I am this unfeeling, uncaring, cold woman could see how bloody wrong you are............
This is WHY I have the WALL I have..........
I don’t dig pain
And pain don’t dig me
Trust...........
T R U S T
These 5 letters are all I have right now............
And my strength..............
Trust/strength
That’s what the next 3 days are going to be defined by for me.........
I will not allow this to break me and push me back into the person I used to be...I have aspired to be a good woman and I am...and I will take away whatever happens from this.........and use it to mold me even more
I have to
I just received some news..........and I sat here..........not shocked.... as I had this premonition last night that the woman I am in love with would hear from her X, and indeed she did...I knew this last night...I was sitting here last night............... right here...and it hit me...........Miss Horse is going to contact the Professor...and what do u know...she did.........and apparently they are meeting in Spokane .............
I am writing this here as I truly have no place else to vent...........after the initial shock of it...and being told I have nothing to worry about...that this is something the Professor needs to do to truly move on...it hit me...........
I have been here.........2 other times...no make that 3.............3
I am numb.........I know how this works...........
And it just hit me...all the pain...the uncertainty...being scared, no terrified..........and I lost it...I am so happy my brother is asleep...cos If he would have walked in and seen his sister literally falling apart on her bedroom floor...well.........he would have been a bit devastated...all the hurt I went through with Dego and Teabag, and some of James.... just came rushing back again............and I lost it...I don’t think I have felt like this in 3 yrs..........and I am trying to pull it together as I have to go to work in an hour.......and when Nicole walks in everyone expects this strong-together,smart,confident woman to walk in...........
That’s who I have to be...
And today I’m not
I hate this day...and the way I am feeling and the fact I cannot seem to stop grabbing the box of Kleenex.........I want to go to the gym and just sweat this pain out of me..............for hours and hours............
I also keep thinking of Binks and how badly I NEED him to hold me right now...I keep listening to this song or CD he sent me............ Tommy Land...Hello Again & I need you...and it just makes me cry or sob more...............not becos it makes me sad, but becos his friendship is right now the only thing that I know would make me pick myself literally up off of the floor.............
I know I need to do this today...........fall apart............as I have so much to fucking do this weekend...and I don’t have time for the mental breakdown I am so desperately in need of...
I don’t know what this meeting will bring to the Professor and Miss Horse; I just know what I feel...........
I am happy she told me...and of course she has sent me MANY emails between her and the X...which I have to be honest, I didnt need to read............
I feel like I am invading ............imposing...........
I feel fatigued emotionally.
I know this may make no sense to my readers, but I spent the Professors 37th with her...I made this an incredibly romantic day for her..........
Yesterday she told me she loved me
Sunday she is going to see Miss Horse
Today I am dying...
Mr.C told last night this would happen...........I should learn to listen to him...I think from now on I will just keep him in my pocket.........and when I need to make a decision I will pull him out...........cos he is so RIGHT. Maybe becos he knows me so well............
I want so desperately to wake him up..........but I cant let him see me like this...cos trust me.............the reluctance he feels for the Professor will just increase............
I have to go and try and make myself look human again..............
I should have stayed @ work, but I wasn’t on the schedule until 2...so I left...and came home..........and received this news that has made every vulnerability I have come to the surface..........
I wish all you who think I am this unfeeling, uncaring, cold woman could see how bloody wrong you are............
This is WHY I have the WALL I have..........
I don’t dig pain
And pain don’t dig me
Trust...........
T R U S T
These 5 letters are all I have right now............
And my strength..............
Trust/strength
That’s what the next 3 days are going to be defined by for me.........
I will not allow this to break me and push me back into the person I used to be...I have aspired to be a good woman and I am...and I will take away whatever happens from this.........and use it to mold me even more
I have to
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Chills
Came home last night...............after work, which is (work) exactly what I needed, well...I pretty much kept to myself.................but I was glad to be there...........anyway half way through my shift I started getting abdomen pains...
Now I knew what it was as I have had one... only one other time in mylfe...when I was 11...so I come home...came home..........past present tense...I hate grammar and I should be a pro as I did teach English in Hong Kong for FUCKS sake...moving on...........came home and TRIED to drink a few beers.........every time I went to use the ladies, well it was not NICE............and it proceeded to get worse very quickly...........
Luckily (no luckily inst a word I would use, cos I don’t think/feel Mr.C's bouts of sickness are any kind of luck) He has some pretty strong anti-biotic left over from his own UTI's...which he gets well.........all the time..........
I am not sure what triggered me to get this...as I don’t get these that often or ever...ummmmm.........22 yrs to be exact................I have an idea though...but holy shit...........its not nice...immediate chills and fever...and cramping.............today I am a lil weak but better...cos Mr. C has some good chit man...
Don’t ya just love I can self-diagnose?
Moving on..........
I am OK once again with The Professor, although I did cancel our day together, which regardless I would have had to ....................as well.............I am not walking all that well..........and for the bathrooms sake...umm furgit about it....
Anyway.........I did allot of self-reflecting...........and this was all actually brought on by Mr. C..............I was outside, looking like I lost my best friend and he asked what was wrong...I didnt wanna tell him, as I truly didnt think he would be very objective or understanding, but he insisted I tell him...cos he said "its the Professor right?"...I said "yes"
I tell him the story
He listens
Tells me something..............well allots of things..........
I get up
Immediately feel better
And feel like an ass
And receive a note from the professor...
Which I replied 2...
So that’s where it sits.........
All I do know is these are my own insecurities, as my past wasn’t all that fabulous, or even lucky when it came to the X issue....................so nothing she has done warrants me not to trust her..........as I do trust her...............but I also have a right to be scared...........but my episode yesterday was not a result of what she has done........................it is just allot of bottled up pain.........
And frustration.............
And we have to remember that Nicole has not been in this situation in ages...................
Anyways
I am OK, sick, and hoping my self-diagnosis does the trick, cos I am not in the mood to see no DR.
I am going to lie down...................and get up and do HOMEWORK.............
Fun huh?
More Lata'
Now I knew what it was as I have had one... only one other time in mylfe...when I was 11...so I come home...came home..........past present tense...I hate grammar and I should be a pro as I did teach English in Hong Kong for FUCKS sake...moving on...........came home and TRIED to drink a few beers.........every time I went to use the ladies, well it was not NICE............and it proceeded to get worse very quickly...........
Luckily (no luckily inst a word I would use, cos I don’t think/feel Mr.C's bouts of sickness are any kind of luck) He has some pretty strong anti-biotic left over from his own UTI's...which he gets well.........all the time..........
I am not sure what triggered me to get this...as I don’t get these that often or ever...ummmmm.........22 yrs to be exact................I have an idea though...but holy shit...........its not nice...immediate chills and fever...and cramping.............today I am a lil weak but better...cos Mr. C has some good chit man...
Don’t ya just love I can self-diagnose?
Moving on..........
I am OK once again with The Professor, although I did cancel our day together, which regardless I would have had to ....................as well.............I am not walking all that well..........and for the bathrooms sake...umm furgit about it....
Anyway.........I did allot of self-reflecting...........and this was all actually brought on by Mr. C..............I was outside, looking like I lost my best friend and he asked what was wrong...I didnt wanna tell him, as I truly didnt think he would be very objective or understanding, but he insisted I tell him...cos he said "its the Professor right?"...I said "yes"
I tell him the story
He listens
Tells me something..............well allots of things..........
I get up
Immediately feel better
And feel like an ass
And receive a note from the professor...
Which I replied 2...
So that’s where it sits.........
All I do know is these are my own insecurities, as my past wasn’t all that fabulous, or even lucky when it came to the X issue....................so nothing she has done warrants me not to trust her..........as I do trust her...............but I also have a right to be scared...........but my episode yesterday was not a result of what she has done........................it is just allot of bottled up pain.........
And frustration.............
And we have to remember that Nicole has not been in this situation in ages...................
Anyways
I am OK, sick, and hoping my self-diagnosis does the trick, cos I am not in the mood to see no DR.
I am going to lie down...................and get up and do HOMEWORK.............
Fun huh?
More Lata'
Monday, September 26, 2005
birdophile?
Check this
Landman just called me...WASTED as usual, but this poor man, I mean as much shit that he has put me through in the past 2 months we have become pretty good friends and do indeed have a mutual respect for one another...to an extent.... I still think he is a right winged, narrow minded pig, but I will tell ya true...if I ever were to need ANYTHING he would be right there....
So that being typed I shall move onto what just happened...
He calls me and goes " I will make this quick as I know you hate talking to me!"
Which I do.
I go "OK, what’s up?"
Landman- " I went to buy a bird from this C**T, she is the X of the guy I just bailed out of jail for 3 grand so he could work on my property. I went to her home to see if she had a male bird (something exotic), as I want to let my female mate. Well she didnt have one, so I left, and came home. Not an hour later Lewiston's finest show up @ my door and say they are concerned for the birdgirl's safety...I go WA FUCK????? Cop goes she is claiming you are a pedophile..........!!!"
Ok this is when I go "WHAT!!!"
Cos that really means he is a child molester...and she doesn’t have children nor were there children present at the time he was at her residence.
Landman acknowledges this and goes onto to tell me " I told the Cop he was a COCKSUCKER and a disgrace to his badge and to get the F off of my property..........!!"'
And guess what...the cop did.
Cos what else was he gonna do? Arrest Landman for being Bourbonized in his own home?
Poor Landman...that’s why he called me. Needed a friend to tell him he isn’t a sick pervert...and I said yes you are!!!...BUT ...BUT.............u R not a child molester............I know this in my heart...
So I do hope he gets some rest and lets this blow over................Y she did this I don’t know...........she is just a bitter woman mad at him for bailing out the handy- man.............
Moving on.........
I deleted my previous post as something's have transpired between the Professor and I to make me re-think a few things....................I don’t know for how long, but I have decided to just take it a day @ a time.............cos she is actually starting to get to know me and is telling me she MISSES me ...........ALOTT when I am not around............so that is a good sign.............
In other news-
I finished painting my bathroom...and in the process gave myself a cold or a sinus infection or something.............I left work early...and I am eating Echinacea like crazy...cos I don’t wanna cold...........so I may be calling in tomorrow..............so I can rest...............plus The Professors B-day is WED.................and I WANT to be there for her............
O and another funny
I was just laughing my ASS OFF...Domino( Kitty) was chasing a moth around the living room and she slipped and did a face plant HARD on the glass coffee table.
She literally had to lay down...poor baby.........Mr.C and I were just ROLLING...cos she was chasing this thing for about 20 minutes and I was helping her.... cos she is so cute...makes those lil eeekkk noises and her lips curl when she cant reach the moth when it gets on the ceiling, so I was helping her...that’s when she did her HARD plant on the glass table...she lost her footing and BLAM!!!...OMG It was LAUGHS.........I mean she immediately laid down and was all dizzy and stuff...
WOW
Talk about a Zoo of a night
Birds and cats
I am off to watch the L word Bonus disk
More lata'
Landman just called me...WASTED as usual, but this poor man, I mean as much shit that he has put me through in the past 2 months we have become pretty good friends and do indeed have a mutual respect for one another...to an extent.... I still think he is a right winged, narrow minded pig, but I will tell ya true...if I ever were to need ANYTHING he would be right there....
So that being typed I shall move onto what just happened...
He calls me and goes " I will make this quick as I know you hate talking to me!"
Which I do.
I go "OK, what’s up?"
Landman- " I went to buy a bird from this C**T, she is the X of the guy I just bailed out of jail for 3 grand so he could work on my property. I went to her home to see if she had a male bird (something exotic), as I want to let my female mate. Well she didnt have one, so I left, and came home. Not an hour later Lewiston's finest show up @ my door and say they are concerned for the birdgirl's safety...I go WA FUCK????? Cop goes she is claiming you are a pedophile..........!!!"
Ok this is when I go "WHAT!!!"
Cos that really means he is a child molester...and she doesn’t have children nor were there children present at the time he was at her residence.
Landman acknowledges this and goes onto to tell me " I told the Cop he was a COCKSUCKER and a disgrace to his badge and to get the F off of my property..........!!"'
And guess what...the cop did.
Cos what else was he gonna do? Arrest Landman for being Bourbonized in his own home?
Poor Landman...that’s why he called me. Needed a friend to tell him he isn’t a sick pervert...and I said yes you are!!!...BUT ...BUT.............u R not a child molester............I know this in my heart...
So I do hope he gets some rest and lets this blow over................Y she did this I don’t know...........she is just a bitter woman mad at him for bailing out the handy- man.............
Moving on.........
I deleted my previous post as something's have transpired between the Professor and I to make me re-think a few things....................I don’t know for how long, but I have decided to just take it a day @ a time.............cos she is actually starting to get to know me and is telling me she MISSES me ...........ALOTT when I am not around............so that is a good sign.............
In other news-
I finished painting my bathroom...and in the process gave myself a cold or a sinus infection or something.............I left work early...and I am eating Echinacea like crazy...cos I don’t wanna cold...........so I may be calling in tomorrow..............so I can rest...............plus The Professors B-day is WED.................and I WANT to be there for her............
O and another funny
I was just laughing my ASS OFF...Domino( Kitty) was chasing a moth around the living room and she slipped and did a face plant HARD on the glass coffee table.
She literally had to lay down...poor baby.........Mr.C and I were just ROLLING...cos she was chasing this thing for about 20 minutes and I was helping her.... cos she is so cute...makes those lil eeekkk noises and her lips curl when she cant reach the moth when it gets on the ceiling, so I was helping her...that’s when she did her HARD plant on the glass table...she lost her footing and BLAM!!!...OMG It was LAUGHS.........I mean she immediately laid down and was all dizzy and stuff...
WOW
Talk about a Zoo of a night
Birds and cats
I am off to watch the L word Bonus disk
More lata'
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
the unknown
Well I am still a bit confused as to where I am at as far as my 'relationship' is concerned.
I spent a wonderful day with TNP yesterday, and I must say I had a really good time...allot was said and of course allot was done... 'EG'
We talked quite a bit afterwards on the phone...and well I feel we have made some good progress as far as getting to know one another better is concerned, although certain things have been said/unsaid that have left me just as puzzled as B4.
I guess I just like things in black and white, but I am learning that this isn’t always the case when one is involved (see I don’t even know if 'being involved" is the correct description of the Professor and I) anyway I am learning to be very patient and understanding and this is something I am finding I am really quite good at.........who would a thought?
So needless to say the Professors B-day is the 28th and I have offered to take her to dinner...........and if she would like to spend the remainder of the evening with her friends I am AOK with that (see there’s me patience and understanding at work again)
I really do care about this woman...ALOTT...allot more than I care to admit...but like my mum told me...u cant help who u fall for..........and lemme tell ya folks if that old adage aint dead on, I don’t know what is.
Ok then ............I am beat..........so I am a gonna wash me face, put on me jammies (the Porfessors flannel shirt............ cos OMG does she smell GOOD!!) And call it a night...
I have Work tomorrow and a ton of homework this weekend....
More lata'
I spent a wonderful day with TNP yesterday, and I must say I had a really good time...allot was said and of course allot was done... 'EG'
We talked quite a bit afterwards on the phone...and well I feel we have made some good progress as far as getting to know one another better is concerned, although certain things have been said/unsaid that have left me just as puzzled as B4.
I guess I just like things in black and white, but I am learning that this isn’t always the case when one is involved (see I don’t even know if 'being involved" is the correct description of the Professor and I) anyway I am learning to be very patient and understanding and this is something I am finding I am really quite good at.........who would a thought?
So needless to say the Professors B-day is the 28th and I have offered to take her to dinner...........and if she would like to spend the remainder of the evening with her friends I am AOK with that (see there’s me patience and understanding at work again)
I really do care about this woman...ALOTT...allot more than I care to admit...but like my mum told me...u cant help who u fall for..........and lemme tell ya folks if that old adage aint dead on, I don’t know what is.
Ok then ............I am beat..........so I am a gonna wash me face, put on me jammies (the Porfessors flannel shirt............ cos OMG does she smell GOOD!!) And call it a night...
I have Work tomorrow and a ton of homework this weekend....
More lata'
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Trip
Well I must say that my lil mini-holiday was just what the DR ordered. I had a really good time.........I mean it was NICE. I was able to spend some quality time with 2 of my best friends.....and that right there is enuff to make any grrl a happy camper. I ended up staying with Binks, as well Patti Anne's place was a bit over-crowed...........just a smidge. So I camped out with Binks who went onto exclaim that he and I could be Will & Grace, if we were 2 B Roomies……only opposite, yea........something like THAT..........Jezus I leave for 3 days and I cannot type for beans..........Dammit Man!!!
Anyways............A good time was had by all.....we did allot of shopping and ate out quite a bit, but it was all worth it. The only downfall to my awesome weekend was running into Crazy Stacey @ Ross...cos if you remember from my previous post
I didn’t have any intention of seeing nor contacting her due to the emails I was receiving from her….…well………….just my luck………Patti, Binks, and I were all doing our shopping (mostly shopping for Patti as it was one of her B-day gifts as I had taken her to our Fave Restaurant the night b4…and oooloalalal was the waitress HOT OR WHAT!!?? AND AND she was a flirting with me!!. Oh I could have skipped dinner that night, and had a totally different entrée’ uh huh)
OK where was I?
O yes-crazy Stace………….so yea I run into her and I introduce her to Patti ( who BTW has NEVER wanted to meet her. For reasons unknown to me………;) so she BOLTS right after the introductions as does Binks as he had met her one other time, and well……..that’s a whole diff story….it involves a lamp, a mirror, and a lot of drugs
(which of course Crazy was on)
So Stace and I make small talk, she compliments me. I do the same for her yadda. Yadda. Yadda……….she then invited me back to her home for dinner + we can catch up………..
I go and tell Binks and Patti this news and they just roll their eyes…..ok ok…..I shoulda known then, but I was giving Crazy the benefit of the doubt ( AS ALWAYS)…..
Ok so Binks and I leave and not 5 minutes after we leave Patti, I get this Text basically saying that I am to weird, she isn’t going to walk on egg shells around me, and that she wishes me the best…………SO I call the freak back and go ( WHAT IS YOUR DEAL!!??) Well we exchanged a few words, all very decent might I add, and now we are no longer friends, becos as she put it ( I am to sensitive, I harbor shit 4-ever, and we are just 2 diff people now)
WELL NO SHIT!!!
WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN 2 DIFF PEOPLE……………..this is y we have never maintained a friendship for longer than say …..3 months at a time. I just finally got sick of being her mental punching bag, and basically told her that, and in turn she thinks I have become this overly-sensitive-self-indulgent-all-about Coley-bitch………..now she didn’t say it in this words, but that is what she meant………….
So I will say I am glad…..and I mean this………..HAPPY……the Saga of Stacey is finally finito………..FINALLY!!!
We just don’t get along, and we never did, unless of course we were drinking or high, which would have been ………umm…..99% of the time…….yea
Moving on!!!
I am off to the gym, then to work. Tomm. I have math in Pullman…….and another thing I have to deal with ( I Know…….. BINKS I KNOW) but I had to make arrangements and well……………there you go
Ok then……. I want to say thanx once again to Binks for all of his hospitality, and to Patti for threatening to call Stace and go off on her…….now those are real friends……..lol I am just kidding ( no I am really) thanx Patti for being my friend for life………..I love you and it was so great seeing you and you look FABULOUS!!!!!
Ok then
I am off to-do the “She’s a Maniac thang”
O how I have missed it!!
Anyways............A good time was had by all.....we did allot of shopping and ate out quite a bit, but it was all worth it. The only downfall to my awesome weekend was running into Crazy Stacey @ Ross...cos if you remember from my previous post
I didn’t have any intention of seeing nor contacting her due to the emails I was receiving from her….…well………….just my luck………Patti, Binks, and I were all doing our shopping (mostly shopping for Patti as it was one of her B-day gifts as I had taken her to our Fave Restaurant the night b4…and oooloalalal was the waitress HOT OR WHAT!!?? AND AND she was a flirting with me!!. Oh I could have skipped dinner that night, and had a totally different entrée’ uh huh)
OK where was I?
O yes-crazy Stace………….so yea I run into her and I introduce her to Patti ( who BTW has NEVER wanted to meet her. For reasons unknown to me………;) so she BOLTS right after the introductions as does Binks as he had met her one other time, and well……..that’s a whole diff story….it involves a lamp, a mirror, and a lot of drugs
(which of course Crazy was on)
So Stace and I make small talk, she compliments me. I do the same for her yadda. Yadda. Yadda……….she then invited me back to her home for dinner + we can catch up………..
I go and tell Binks and Patti this news and they just roll their eyes…..ok ok…..I shoulda known then, but I was giving Crazy the benefit of the doubt ( AS ALWAYS)…..
Ok so Binks and I leave and not 5 minutes after we leave Patti, I get this Text basically saying that I am to weird, she isn’t going to walk on egg shells around me, and that she wishes me the best…………SO I call the freak back and go ( WHAT IS YOUR DEAL!!??) Well we exchanged a few words, all very decent might I add, and now we are no longer friends, becos as she put it ( I am to sensitive, I harbor shit 4-ever, and we are just 2 diff people now)
WELL NO SHIT!!!
WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN 2 DIFF PEOPLE……………..this is y we have never maintained a friendship for longer than say …..3 months at a time. I just finally got sick of being her mental punching bag, and basically told her that, and in turn she thinks I have become this overly-sensitive-self-indulgent-all-about Coley-bitch………..now she didn’t say it in this words, but that is what she meant………….
So I will say I am glad…..and I mean this………..HAPPY……the Saga of Stacey is finally finito………..FINALLY!!!
We just don’t get along, and we never did, unless of course we were drinking or high, which would have been ………umm…..99% of the time…….yea
Moving on!!!
I am off to the gym, then to work. Tomm. I have math in Pullman…….and another thing I have to deal with ( I Know…….. BINKS I KNOW) but I had to make arrangements and well……………there you go
Ok then……. I want to say thanx once again to Binks for all of his hospitality, and to Patti for threatening to call Stace and go off on her…….now those are real friends……..lol I am just kidding ( no I am really) thanx Patti for being my friend for life………..I love you and it was so great seeing you and you look FABULOUS!!!!!
Ok then
I am off to-do the “She’s a Maniac thang”
O how I have missed it!!
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