reflecting

So I haven’t posted here in ages.......primarily due to the fact that I really haven’t been in the mood to tell you true. I have actually been doing allot of reflecting as of late, about my life and where I am going and where I should be and so forth. I truly wish I had a different job as I am so burned out with my present job I could just about die. I honestly have to psyche myself up to go into work........I have been having to do this for about the past 2 yrs as when I was in Portland I was doing the exact same thing as I am doing now. I cant complain about the $ nor the people I work with.( 'cept for Mamma B as she is a pain in the ass and a lazy ass to boot, but that’s an entirely different story).

I just get extremely frustrated as I am a college graduate and I should be working in the field I earned my degree in, but as it sits I am in a tiny town with limited employment, thus I am having to earn a living doing something I really dislike with a passion. I know I am prolly in the top % of Americans who truly dislike their careers , but that doesn’t mean I cannot be bummed out about it. My brother sees this dilemma with me as he lately has been giving me pep talks while driving me to work, which helps but doesn’t resolve anything. He basically tells me he is really proud of me and to just keep my chin up as when I graduate from WSU it will pay off. I tell him that’s what I was telling myself while going for my degree in Portland, he just nods and tells me it is the town we are in, not me.........which of course it so true. So that basically takes care of that .......as far as bitching about my job and the reflecting part of it.

The other side of the coin has to do with family and relationships and the lack there of. I never really have been the marring/ kids type of gal, but as of late it is something I think I might one day like to have...........being single has its bennies, truly it does, but there are just as many downsides to it as there are upsides.

I guess I am just looking at my life up to this stage and wondering " Is this all there is?" I know I am solely responsible for making mylfe what it is........and that right there is where I stand........I feel it is time to make some major changes in mylfe......starting with this lil list I have started..

1. QUIT SMOKING!!! I am not to enthused about looking 80 @ 40 nor having cancer or emphysema.

2. Finish college ..........to do this I must take more credits, which I am doing now as I am taking course this summer. If I truly want to have the career I dream of I must graduate sooner than later......or b4 I am 80.......

3. Surround myself with positive people. I have been around depressing un-ambitious folk as of late and this only tends to make me more bummed.

4. Save $, I spend $ on things I don’t need....and when I need something I do need I find that I cannot afford it as I have bought another DKNY bag, which of course I don’t NEED.......so I need to be more fiscally responsible. This shouldn’t be too much of a problem as I have always been rather smart with my cashola.

5. Be more optimistic. I have always had the problem of seeing the glass being 1/2 full. If I do intend to be successful and happy I need to look at life with a more optimist view......this not only helps one accomplish their goals, it also attract individuals that have the same outlook, which perhaps might help in meeting the right guy......


Well that pretty much sums that up for now............These are not just words........I am not blowing smoke.....I really am at a stage in mylfe where I am ready to make these types of changes. I do not want to be that person who looks back at their life and wonders " what if?"


I want to look back and think "Wow"

:)