Today, today..............was a very strange, great, unnerving, sad, happy, and fulfilling day....
So In order for me to make sense of my title I shall begin at the beginning of my day....
So lets go...........
On with the show I like to call In The Life and days Of Coley
'Should be a bloody soap, and trust me I am not ruling that out!'
Ok here we go....
I was doing my math homework when Mr.C asked me to move my car so he could get out...and we were joking about my 'sexuality' prior to him asking me to move me car...and he said something along the lines like " Y cant you just stay BI?" and I say " Y cant you just be gay?" And he responded with " I don’t like Dick!" and I retorted with " well neither do I!"
We laughed and I went off to work...
Now today at work was a really odd day as all day I kept getting these flash backs of my relationship with Teabag, I mean things that I had thought that I had really put to rest 3 yrs ago.... things that I swore I would never think about again nor wanted to visit again...as trust me they are very painful memories..................BUT with the whole situation as of late in regards to The Nutty Professor (TNP), these things have resurfaced. So today I found myself going down memory lane.
I don’t blame the Professor.........I just know that what has happened with her and I are the reasoning behind me thinking and feeling these things again after 3 yrs. I know allot of it has to do with the fact that I never truly dealt with what happened with her and I.( Teabag)
I just finally got the courage up enuff to walk away from T, but in the walking away, I didn’t get the chance to voice or vent my feelings and pain to her( T).........and there were many times I could have..........but I just figured ...what's the point? All it would have done is caused another argument and the same 'ol same 'ol deal of you did this and I did this and its your fault and yadda yadda yadda..........so I let it go.............and I didn’t think about it......... AT ALL............not until today............so there was that.... today....
The things that happened between the TNP and myself have for some reason made me start reflecting on a relationship I was hoping was dead....( Teabag and I)......and it is dead, but the problem is I didn’t actually deal with it..........totally.........and now I find myself doing that...and I am thankful for that, yet at the same I wish I wasn't...dealing with it again...
So this brings me to this evening.............I came home after work and Mr.C was up waiting for me. We made small talk..........he asked me if I could pls be more pleasant to Angell grrl.........as I guess I haven’t been as of late and to be truthful I wasn’t aware that I hadn’t been nothing but respectable to her...but with everything that has been happening as of late...I mean with the Landman, School, TNP and so forth I have been more than distracted. So I told Mr. C that I would make more of an effort to make Angell Grrl feel like she is welcm here and that I do indeed like her, cos I do.................
Now this leads me to the conversation that my brother and I had in regards to TNP.............I was saying how intense everything had become in such a short amount of time between her an I..........I mean I divulged everything from our conversations to our intimate moments...as Mr. C wanted to know ( this is why I love him so much cos he truly does CARE) anyway I mentioned that I had went up Monday and had lunch with her..........and he went "WHY!?.......Why do you keep doing this to yourself!!??"
I replied that it was something that needed to be done..........and this is what he had to say..........
He says " I don’t care what was said, or who said what............but when feeling are involved.........well feelings are feelings...........and she knew how you felt and from what you have told me.........she really doesn’t know what she's doing, and that is NO EXCUSE for making you feel like she did...."
I go "Well there’s more to it than that Mr.C..." he replies, "No there isn’t more than that............feelings are feelings and no one should lead someone along and say things and do things they don’t mean if they don’t..................... she shouldn’t have done what she did.......PERIOD!"
Ok
So I am sitting there smiling at him, cos here he is..............looking out for his big sis.............regardless of the fact that I am gayor straight......he is looking out for me...
As always.....
:)
He then goes onto say " Look sis, you have enuff on your plate with school, work and me..........and one of these day you are going to graduate...you have your whole life ahead of you.......that is when you can devote your time to relationships, but right now is not the time. I am one day going to be well, and you will have a career and then you can meet another successful woman and you can both be successful bitches together." ( Idnt he cute?)
He then went on to say that he is going to start doing more around the house. Like dishes, vacuuming, and ETC...so I can devote more of my time to studying......and not worry about taking care of the house by myself..not that I really cared either way...but............
WOW !
Little does he know that being successful is still very important to me, but the $ part of it is not as important as it once was. I don’t know why, cos I will be the 1st to admit that at one time that’s all that mattered to me..........but after living back here for the past yr..........well my priorities have changed 10-fold, I don’t want to be misunderstood here,I want to be successful and have the career....... but $ isn’t everything..............having a life and sharing a life with someone and building a life with someone is more important to me than driving a BMW and owning my own Condo, although that would be nice...............but I have learned in the past yr that I have changed my outlook on what makes me happy......
So that being said...all I have to say...is......AGAIN..........that I am by far the luckiest woman in the world to have my brother as my brother.........he is the most amazing man I have ever known............and when he gets up 3x a week to be hooked up to the dialysis machine...the machine that gives him life...........I have so much respect and love for him as the things that he endures have not made him a bitter, unhappy, young man, but quite the opposite...he is a strong, caring, moralistic, loving, protective man who looks at life in a way that I am so happy to be able to wittiness, as it has made me look at life in the same way.............
I love you Clint
You are everything that is decent and right in my life............you truly make me want to be a better person...and have made me a better person.......................
I have one more person I need to talk about...........Jess.............my asussie bud. Jess is a very classy lady who found my Blog a few months back and emailed me telling me how much she enjoyed my Blog. At the time she too had her own Blog and we would read each others thoughts and so forth..........well we eventually started emailing one another privately..........and through the months we shared correspondence leading to her and I to begin a friendship that was incredible........we have this strange cool chemistry..........and we have shared many a thought, both personal and not...............but I remember being so happy to see her name in my inbox.
Well it must be fate or something as she has recently started contacting me again and I couldn’t be more happy as Jess is someone I can talk to about anything and everything. Now I know this isn’t the most conventional friendship, but I still take her friendship very seriously and I have the utmost respect for her and her views...........she is a very supportive and caring woman...who is.... I might add .....extremely sexy and classy and articulate and all those things I love in a woman. I am not looking to meet her nor try a relationship with her as she is currently very in love and happy....and I couldn’t be more happy for her....what I am happy about is she found me again, right at a time when I really needed to be told the things that she tells me..............
So thank you Miss Aussie.............You are a very genuine and loving woman and I am so happy and lucky to be able to call you my gal pal...............
Ok then..........
I am off to Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I have to work out tomorrow, have me hair did, and shop ..........as I am making chili for Mr.C so he will have something to eat while I am away this weekend, and without sounding to incredibly vain. I make the best homemade chili this side of the border.........
So I have a full plate tomorrow as well I have to do me Accounting............
Ok Dear Bloggers.............
I shall return with the next exciting episode of " In The Life of Coley"
More lata'
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