Yuck

So last night I decided to drink.......not to get drunk.......to sleep........and 5 beers later I fell asleep and only woke up once......so I did sleep, but now I feel like death and being the idiot I am.....I have to work feeling like this......so I am sure that my already impatient attitude will be in full force tonight. Speaking of my impatience.......it is getting worse.......and WORSE. I have never been all that patient.....I am rather high strung for the most part.......going a thousand miles a minute.....so when it comes to waiting patiently for someone to get out what they need or walk across a room like a snail I am about ready to implode.....I really wish I did have more patience......but.......I just don’t. This is one of the many reasons I am getting out of the medical profession.........and going into the Business field........The Business world needs more high- strung-stressed out-insomnia -stricken-perfectionists......

Yes indeedy.

Moving on.......
I had a very strange conversation last night with Horsey.......trying to get across why I feel the way I do ....and do the things I do.......... I don’t think it went very well.......nope.
I really don’t think it did.....I woke up feeling like an ass......but that’s what I get for trying to make someone see what I am saying with a Sammy buzz on.........everything tends to get tweaked out and pushed completely out of perspective ....leaving one with a bad taste in their mouth..... which is not a result of the brews and fags......

Next agenda on the 'ol blog...well that would be.....


College


Oh that beautiful and glorious establishment of advanced education .oh how I love it so.....fuck me runnin........if it aint so........well......once again I am the queen of procrastination......I have to finish 7 assignments in Political Science by the 29th ......13 assignments in Biology.......create a website ........and lemme see.......take 3 finals.....

Fucking fabulous........

But!

It is doable as…..

I will have the house to meself tomorrow as Mr.C is heading up to Spokane to get his transplant testing done.......he will be poked and prodded and evaluated for 2 days......nothing to horrible, just a lot of interviews and such. I wish I could go with him.....but I just can’t take the time off from school..........dammit.

I hope he knows that I am always with him......regardless if it’s physical...I know it sounds corny but that’s just how I look at it....

I always will

Evil

I was visiting a buddies Blog today and it seems he has a rather evil Blog..........so me being me...... I decided to see how evil I rated

and well........

Here ya go.......




Tonight was an interesting night.......Worked with N2 and pretty much just chilled out.......Although I did find out that Israel......N2's BF's best friend thinks I am quote ..unquote........"hot"......and would like to take me out.......I was a bit flattered as he is extremely cute and sweet......I mean a really nice guy......but...I don't think so......I am not into getting involved with my friends friends if ya know what I mean.....Its a recipe for disaster on so many levels......and BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!!......I have learned me lesson.........

Although, I am glad I have someone to flirt with and drive crazy......


I am such an evil bitch...

Damaged

This sums up my state of my mind.... and life as of late for that matter.........

QUEENSRYCHE

Damaged

Waiting for the feeling to subside,
Paranoid, I melt into myself.
They say I'm to reach inside and find
the broken part of my machinery.
Psychoanalyze the chapters
on the path to my darkest day.
Searching for the answers,
all I see is damage through the haze.
Picking up the pieces of my life
with no direction for re-assembly.
The one that lays beside me
is sharing scars of my broken yesterdays.
Will tomorrow find me hypnotized? Crying?
Mother Mary in control,
domineering stranglehold
sowing destructive seeds
for the scavengers to feed.
Driving the nail into my head,
memory flows like a river.
With the one that lays beside me
I'm healing scars from my childhood memories.
Tomorrow finally found me.
I'm hypnotized. I'm trying...
to understand the chapters
of the path from my darkest day.
Searching for the answers
but there's DAMAGE!

Will

My Buddie the The Cap'n sent me a nice version of a Living Will.......I thought it was o so appropriate ....as .......it is word for word what I myself, want in the event I succumb to a Terry S. situation.....


LIVING WILL

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind
and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
peckerwood ethically challenged politicians who couldnt pass
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for
a cold beer, it should be presumed that I wont ever get better. When
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call
it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the
Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on
life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their
own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education
and future of the millions of Americans who arent in a permanent
coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge
for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play
politics with someone elses life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldnt't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these
people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade
on my behalf.They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make
his or her existence a living hell.

___________________________ Dated ______________________
Signature

__________________________________
Witness

__________________________________
Witness


In other news.....

My insomnia is back AGAIN!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

This my sleeping schedule for the past 2 nights.

Fall asleep @ 12:30AM
wake up @ 4AM

Watch TV and surf until 8AM.....Fall into a fitful sleep.
Wake up @ Noon....

so I am getting about 4 hours of sleep in 2 different cycles throughout the night......and I feel like a flippin zombie.....I am hoping this will run its course in the next few days as I need to be alert and aware for my finals coming up at the end of the month........

Me ribs are mucho better......I can actually do daily activities without limping and wincing...so I am happy in that aspect.....

I am right now trying to decide whether or not I want to vacuum or clean out the fridge......Either or.........Neither is something I am privy to doing on me day off.......but as all things in mlyfe.......it has to be done.......

such is life........

Personalities

Went to work last night...........well I wouldn’t call what I did last night working.......I pretty much just walked around and followed N2 all night while she did my work.......as I was in severe fucking pain..this is getting so old.....da pain is..........anyhoo........she didn’t seem to mind...she was all to happy to have me back as she now has someone to talk too........the only problem was she kept cracking me up as this grrl is LAUGHS.......the more I laugh the more pain I am in..it was a vicious night..........and it didn’t end after work........she offered to give me a ride home and I said sure as Mr. C needs to rest.....we head to her house as she needs a pack of cigs.........(my house is about 4 blocks away, but I guess she cant make it that far with out a hit of nic) so we sit down.....she offers me a beer.......calls her BF and proceeds to tell me we are going out.........OK...what the hell............although I am in pain ...holding my side and wincing......but… I am a trooper so I head out............we hit The Litter Box and in walks N2's BF Willard and his buddy Israel ..........conversation ensues..........all are having fun.....N2 is getting wasted.......I am casually sipping on my beer as I have eaten enough painkillers to kill a small cow and don’t feel the need to meet the ER Doc ........as I was saying ......... we are casually making small talk…..BUT Willard is getting on my nerves in a big way…..we all remember that little boy on the playground that teases and chases the girl cos he likes her so much? The one who says he doesn’t like her , but we all know he secretly is crazy about her? Well that’s what I felt like last night……..I am not saying Willard is crazy about me……….but he likes me……cos he wouldn’t let up with the snide remarks and sexual innuendos……….making remarks about everything from my sexuality to my looks to fucking everything……….well I kept up with him for a bit…….I am not a baby……I can give as good as I get………but after about 2 hours of this I am like…….”whoa here big fella………I am not into this lil game”….so say something to him about his age……….”what are you 26?” …”Ummmmm no”…….. he replies….”I’m 24”…. “Obviously”…I say………… he just gives me this look……..Israel gets exactly where I’m going with this………Willard replies about how old I am.……trying to get across I am TOO OLD....and I simply state that I am no longer accustomed to individuals who make it a habit of using insults as a platform for a conversation……… “Blank look from Willard”………seems he likes making N2’s GF’s cry or some such shit……….I then again reply “Are they that stupid?”……….this time Willard understood and apologized……and wouldn’t stop apologizing…….of course now I feel bad…as he is just a kid…..but I mean………I am not used to this and haven’t been in ages……….. The guys that usually talk to me are nothing but civil and nice…anyway…the night ended shortly after as N2 is extremely wasted and extremely pleased with how I handled her BF as she loses all her friend due to his demeanor and actions…we leave…. they drop me off…….and I go to bed……..

Just a big clash of the mature woman and the little boy…….trying to be a man..

Fun stuff

Speaking of fun stuff….I now get to return to work………Mamma B is working with me tonight…..she offered to take my load……….I feel a bit better today…….but I am sure that will change after I arrive at the ‘ol J.

Strange

Ok so life is an odd thing now isn't it? I mean really........Seems my joboal hasn't accepted the fact that I no longer wish to work there......I am on the damn schedule today.......So me.....Being me.....Will go in.........What the hell? I called last night for shits and giggles to see if I was on today's schedule and it seems I am......I didn't even show up on Monday(Although I don't really think I was supposed to).......Called in Tuesday....and figured that would be enough.Guess not. I am not a quitter....Never have been......I usually just get to a stage to where I don't give a fuck and slack and wait to be told.. "Hey.....We don't need you anymore.....So you may go"...Which is for me .... AOK.....but seems they don't want to let me go..or rather maybe they want me to come in so they can tell me face to face Buh Bye! That is going to piss me off.....as to me its a waste of my time to go into a place and be told I am no longer an employee.........When they can do it over the phone or just take me off of the schedule....so we shall see.......

Moving on......

Mr.C has appointments next week with the kidney transplant coordinators.......to get all his testing up to date......and get moved up on the list.......which is really good......cos he is pretty much down to the end of the wire with where he can have anymore fistuals put in........so after we get all his testing up to date.......he will then receive his beeper and then its the "Hurry up and wait" game.......always fun...

I best get showered and try and get rid of this coffee buzz I have accumulated this AM......I am all jittery and jumpy.....Hate it......Feel like a nervous wreck......but that's what happens when you wake up at 7AM....Bright eyed and bushy tailed......Drink JAVA......and twiddle your thumbs.......
plus take care of your finacial aide BS for next the school next year.....

Update
The ribs are better today.....still paining me some......but not so much I cant move without wincing.....I still cant sneeze or laugh.......that still makes me uncomfy.....but other than that I feel I may live.........


I just might.......

Sidenote
Spell check on the Blogger here sucks ass!!!!

In a big way!

so Blogger Gods I suggest you get on that........

ASAP

Loss

So I (of course) have not written about the loss of the Pope nor Terry S. I guess I feel that the 24/7 coverage is enuff and reading another Blog about those certain events is not necessary. So instead of writing about what I know everyone knows I will instead write about what I feel.........

Terry- She deserved to die with more dignity than having her photo splashed about the world....Did anyone stop to consider if she would have wanted her photo in every magazine, Newspaper, and TV show? I think not............The debate about whether or not she should have been allowed to stay connected to the feeding tube is of course a delicate matter. I however, am against such said measures after a certain amount of time. Perhaps it has to do with watching my late mother suffer with MS for 11 yrs........and the current situation with my brother.......my thoughts are if one is injured......and has a chance at returning to a normal life...........meaning a life with substance, where one can enjoy their families and lives....I am all for it.....as at a certain point the need for such interventions will no longer be necessary....Its for the individuals who will never be the same....Who are in constant need of care.........cannot survive without 24/7 assistance that I begin to have issue.

...I am in awe of how far medical science has come, what we can accomplish with regards to illness and treatments......Transplants.......Medications.....Etc...I am very thankful for medical science as without it my brother would not be here today........the issue I have with medical intervention is this.........if one has an episode or an accident......like the one Terry S. had........a stroke I made a mistake here.....she actually had a heart attack due to being Bulimic which thus resulted in her being brain damaged due to having NO oxygen for over 10 minutes....this is when ethics and morals come into play. The knowledge the Doctors had when they first examined her ...that...she was brain damaged to such an extent that she would never be the same..........that she could never live without constant medical attention.......at that moment.....right then and there...... is when one needs to ask.......Was she supposed to of died? Who are we to keep her alive when she is not capable of any coherent thought, and never will be? Who are we to truly know what she would have wanted? When do we stop playing God?

I believe that a law should be put into effect for every citizen with regards to having a living will......It should be a requirement just like having a license or an ID..........everyone should be able to put in writing what they want done in the event something catastrophic happens........this will alleviate any and all court proceedings........and stop draggin out an individuals life for a decade or more.........

Pope-I am not catholic. Although I should be. My family is catholic. German Catholics.......very strict Catholics........my mother told my brother and I to make our own choice..........as she wasn't given the option............I still haven't been baptized...........but I believe in God.......

I believe the Pope lived a very long and fulfilling life.....gave his life to his church and his religion, not to mention God. Pay tribute to Pope John Paul II ...... remember his accomplishments..... Let him rest in piece. Choose a successor........

One who will fulfill the needs of the Church and the people.

Ribs

I just now returned from my ER venture.......seems my ribs aren’t broken.....I have pulled the cartilage in me ribs...this is what me DR told me....."Direct blows to the ribs may bruise or break the ribs or injure to the rib cartilage. The ribs may tear away from the cartilage that attaches them to the breastbone. This tearing away from the cartilage is called a costochondral separation".
So that is what I am suffering from costochondral separation....this here defines exactly what I have been fearing the past 3 days "The initial chest pain may subside, but over the next few hours or days pain increases with movement, interfering with sleep and activity and becoming severe with coughing or deep inspiration. The patient is often worried about having a broken rib, and may have a sensation of bony crepitus or abnormal rib movement".
The fearing of having a broken or fractured Rib was really my main concern as this can cause severe damage to my organs..e.g puncturing a lung ....or some other necessary organ..............

So needless to say I will heal in about 3 weeks........Doc told me to try and breathe deeply as I am now prone to catching pneumonia.......seems I am breathing more shallow now without knowing it and so I have to remember to breathe DEEP.........yea sure...........that shit hurts doc!!!.........

I bet you are all wondering how this lil ingery here happened to me.... right?

Well..........I was having a nice time with me buds in Portland.........and Binks........my best guy buddy gave me a really big hug.......a bear hug............and he seems to forget how strong he is.. He’s like 6'4 and 230 lbs.......and he seems to 4get how fragile I am........I mean I may act all tuff.........but I am still a grrl..........tall.....thin.......and fragile........well he comes up behind me and picks me up.......and SQUEEZES.....like a Boa Constrictor.........I remember yelling at him to let me go........he did...............and I felt a lil dizzy but OK.......it wasn’t until I woke up @ 2AM that I felt the initial pain..........OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........I managed to get through the day......with the help of Mr. Advil and YagerMyster ....was a slow painful day but I took it slow....and the next day I flew home......I had a few "emergency" pills to get me through the flight and the 2 hour drive home......it was the minute I got home and relaxed that the pain really hit........Mr. C gave me one of his vicodin.........and I was OK............yesterday was sheer hell..........so today I just couldn’t bear it any more............no insurance or not.....I went in..........I think the worrying was the worst part.......not knowing what was wrong......and the fact I cant move without wanting to cwy..........So I will live..........

Moving on............I will now try and give a better description of me trip to Portland. All was going well.....I seen everyone...........we all met and had a good time..............Patti Anne, Clogs, Binks,Suzilla and even Lori dropped in 4 a sec.........we ventured back to Zilla'z house to finish off the night...........was the next day that it turned to shit........I woke up in excruciating pain....and Clogs and Zilla were feeling no pain and ready to start the day off with breaky......so we went and had breaky........I couldn’t eat...or sit......or breathe......here I am trying to be fun......as they haven’t seen me in ages......and I can barely force a smile.........well I asked if we could leave and we did.......Zilla wanted to mow her lawn and so I decided to leave for a bit......thought maybe a drive would make me feel better........plus her House is FREEZING......so I leave.....and I take my things and put them in me car as I never leave my belongings anywhere.......past experiences have learned me well..........anyway I leave and say I will return........I drive for a bit........half looking for a hotel as I wasn’t up to sleeping in the freezing house in a cold bed (with other lovely attributes)......anyway..........about this time Binks calls me and asks me where I was......I tell him....he shows up.......we are sitting laughing and chatting when my cell rings......is Zilla............I ignore as I am not in the mood to deal with her at the said moment...........about 40 minutes later I call my voicemail ........she is going on about how I must have decided to leave b4 my weekend was over.......and then she begins to accuse me of STEALING from her........her bracelet or some such shit.......at first I think she is talking about the bracelet she had given me but noooooo.......tis the one her BF gave her........
OK so I call her.........we exchange words...........and that was that........in less time than it takes to flush the toilet she had thrown away are entire friendship...............accusing me of stealing from her.....which just blows my mind as I lived with her for a year........took care of her house, truck, everything..........I knew where all her stuff was.......I had access to everything..........if I was going to steal from her I would have done it when I moved.....not when I return for a visit..........wait.......I wouldn’t in a million years steal from her or any of my friends........
I cannot fathom how she could even begin to think about accusing me........so to sum it up..........I am no longer friends with her.........or Clogs as her behavior was basically... "OH Well" she wasn’t exactly in corner......... "Not my problem......" I believe that was what she said......seems her only problem is the affair she is having with the married man she is working with right now.......but that’s a diff story.........although I did tell her she was stupid......how she can sleep at night is beyond me........perhaps that’s why she wasn’t exactly rooting for me.......I don’t know.......

Binks summed it up best "What did u expect? Its Zilla!".....Well I expected to NOT be accused of stealing......I expected to not have Clogs back her up.....I expected to be treated with a little respect..........that’s all.............I did nothing wrong.......was on my best behavior....hell I was actually rather sedate.........as I was more concerned with my brother .......regardless...........I will not be returning.......and I will not be talking to Zilla nor clogs again.........in this lifetime...........seems such a waste..........it really does..........life is too short....I guess they don’t see it.......I do..........I always have.

Again........moving on........

This is turning out to be a really long Post .........but oh well.........I am now going to try and eat...........and clean up a bit.......if I can......hurts to move........Mr. C and I are quite a pair.......he's hobbling around after his surgery..................I’m hobbling around.........We be the Hobblers....

Ok then.........

I best try and get soemthing consrtuctive done....

Home

I am back, with a cracked rib.
I am going to the DR tom. to get a script....I am in so much pain its unreal.
Binks!!!


The trip was.....not so good....was good 2 c Patti Anne and Binks....even Clogs......but suzilla can fall off of a cliff........

I'm done

o
I quit my Job 2 day as well....cannot work with a cracked rib......and the J will not believe me.......Pissed off over Mr. C as it is........so fuck em! Right where they eat.....more time to focus on school and PS ...........(Shocker knows what this means)...................................

So .........I am in no shape to write now......the only way I am managing is thanx 2 Mr.C's surgery pills................so I will end this ..........just know I am happy 2 B home.........happy I know who MY REAL FRIENDS ARE and happy to have MR.C and Domino in the same house....


I have to lie down and die!!

THANK YOU BINKS!!!


CockKnocker!!!

Leaving

I am all set to leave.

• I have made all the necessary calls.
• Finished the assignment due this week.
• Made arrangements for Domino (Mr.C's Kitty).
• Packed....entirely too much as usual
• Transferred necessary funds

I think that is about all......I woke up at 7AM.......to get everything arranged as I am not sure when I will be returning..............so the day started something like this.......did the assignment.....made calls to Mr.C's People..and locked myself out of the house.......ahhh yea....after I had checked to make sure I had bolted and locked all the windows.........uh huh.........I was heading nxt door to speak with Kuntjoy.......and 4got I had the door locked behind me.....SLAM!...OH SHIT!!!! I cry..........needless to say after a bit of twisting and squirming I got my skinny butt in my window after Kuntjoy flicked the stick out of the window.......in the process I pulled something in my leg.....OUCH!!......I have since walked it off.......but it hurt like the dickens......did I just say dickens? Christ. anyway......I need 2 B sure to put a longer stick in the window as that is a nice way for me neighbors to take us 4 whatever it is they would want......Whatever that may be......

Mr.C just rang me....seems they put a hickman catheter in his chest......and he is in serious pain......fuckers......Y cant they leave him alone? Y !!!!!!!!!!

There are a lot of Y's going through my head as of late ......... at the moment I have no time to elaborate.......nor do I think I really want too........not today

maybe later.

when I get back.........

stress

I woke up this AM......went to make the coffee......make the call.....you know 2 C how my brother was doing when in walks Kuntjoy........apparently Miss James had called him saying that my brother called her stating that the surgery had been cancelled and he wanted her to come up there.........

Ok........I am abit upset about this bit of info.....and apparently it is true as the hospital cannot find any record of him.....as while Kuntjoy is explaining this to me......I am on the phone with about 4 individuals at SH.....so I am a bit worried now as yesterday Mr.C was doing his " I cannot live like this anymore and I wont let them put another graft in me ....and " Well you et the picture. I then tell Kuntjoy that this is why I don’t want this grrl around him as now I don’t know what to believe.....if he is freaking out cos he couldn’t have the procedure done or if she has misconstrued the info......and so on......I am also kicking myself as I now remember why I always go with him as when this happens I am there and deal with the situation without him running off ........

So I leave a message for Mr. C to call me NOW.....or I am coming up there......

So I wait and wait.......

ring ring
Its him......Just GOT out of surgery......seems like I said......Miss James had it all messed up.....BUT.......Mr. C said the surgery might have been a bust ....they were going to try and dialyze him.......and if it didn’t work they would have to do the other surgery....I then say I am coming up there.....He absolutely doesn’t want me there..which is ......well BS! I mean this really hurts me.....he is adamant about it as well.....so here I sit......worried.....not knowing.......great fun.....
Kuntjoy told me to take the Jimmy if I wanted......I told him I would wait and see what happens with the big D.......if he can be run....then I will wait until tom. if not.....I am heading up.....

tuff tities Mr.C

Thats what big sisters do....... love you even when you dont want 2 be loved......

other than that........I am just trying to keep busy...fixed the vacuum....."the bran new Hoover mind you"....read a few blogs......checked on my assignments.......and basically talked and shouted to myself all day........

fun.
I find myself missing someone though.......allot.......times like this is when you wonder if you didn’t make a mistake......having someone love you is not always great, but then again love is not always sunny beautiful days......
Ok I am off to tan.......try and get out of here 4 a sec...........

The CELLY is practically a part of my anatomy 2day......I cant miss a call.......

I am worried sick....

Gone

Mr.C has made it up to Spookaloo......his surgery is in the AM.....he absolutely refused to let me go with him..........so I will be there Wed......he likes to handle things on his own......and this time I let him......Usually I tell him I am going with him whether he likes it or not.....but this time I let him have his way..perhaps another reason might be that I really wasn't up to the drive and watching him get poked and prodded again.........nope.......cant say that I am up 4 that.......but......if he needs me I will be up there in a NY minute........no doubt.

Moving on........
I am so tried you have no idea.........Exhausted.......and all I wanna do is eat ice cream and watch the tube.......which I think I will do........

I found out something today........I was somewhat disappointed, but I am grateful I found out......put things back into perspective for me.......no more 'wondering'.....no more......thankfully..cos lemme tell you not knowing something sometimes takes up to much damn energy............

I am off........

Heartbeat

Yesterday ALL DAY....my heart was acting like it was on a flippin rollercoaster all damn day......... arrhythmia ...yes that is what I am suffering from.....2day it isn't as pronounced, but it was enuff to scare the shit out of me.........I did some research and am glad to say that my heart wasn't beating 2 fast ...........Tachycardia.......or 2 slow.....Bradycardia......it continued its 80bpm....but man.......I have suffered from the irregular heartbeat in the past......due to taking to many 'ludes'......but this wasn't the case......maybe the alcohol consumption from the night b4.......but I really don't think I drank all that much to tell u true........
oh well.......I hope me ticker keeps a tick'n 2day without the hiccups..

Moving on.....

I must call Mr.C's Dr's 2 day........and make arrangements 4 him 2 have his surgery.....he will most likely be admitted tonight and have a temp. catheter put into his chest so he can dyalize.......(and here I am complaining about my heart)...and the surgery the following day.....

Poor guy........I could devote an entire Blog to him and his life ......with regards to what he has gone through and I still don't think I could make a dent into what his suffering...........

Ok .....I cant rally discuss my brother....makes me sad.......

I must b off .......need some coffee.....hope it doesnt freak my heart out.......


I am to young for this.......Don't you think?

Aren't we all?

Intrigued

Well I finished my assignment in English 355..only 1.5 weeks late......and I also finished watching Clerks and Bridget Jones, Edge of Reason....both were OK.....although I enjoyed the 1st BJ flick better......and better yet....I enjoyed the books way more........I actually laughed out loud while reading those particular books.............thinking about reading makes me miss Barnes&Noble quite a bit.....I used 2 spend quite a bit of time in that shop....drinking mass amounts of that legal narcotic known as caffeine while reading books 4free........twas a good time......

Well I finally got to speak to NB.....and I must say it was a good chat.......I found myself smiling quite a bit........which I haven't done in some time......so yes.....I am glad I finally made contact with my fave Blogger........

I am off to bed now......I have 2 B up early in the AM in order 2 make a few calls regarding my brothers surgery........

ciao

Sluggish

Went out last night with N2 in order to celebrate her friends 21st B-day.......and in the process met a few new friends and re-discovered how much I dislike hangovers. We hit about 3 bars and had a good time.........we even had a designated driver.....can you believe that nonsense? I must be getting more and more responsible as my days continue.....

Mr.C is still unhappy.....and I cant blame him....the worst part about this is his DR wont prescribe him any painkillers..for some damn reason...luckily I had a few and gave him a few.....his arm is really sore.........

I am now in the process of watching Clerks .........and so far this is pretty cool.........

I am also reading a new Blog.........which I am not at liberty to share........but I am actually becoming a bit interested in this individual.......not romantically.......but in a way to where I would like 2 know more about them.........We have exchanged a few messages and so forth......so hopefully I will make a new Blog Buddie........


Well I am goin 2 finish this flick.........rather fitting flick for EASTER.....

I will return........

Sad Man

Things have a way of going from bad to worse sometimes.......

My brother suffers from renal failure and must dialysis 3x weekly ...... This is accomplished by, having large volume of blood being removed from the body, then run through the dialysis machine, and returned to the body.This is best accomplished by using a surgically created fistula or shunt between the arteries and veins, which results in a high rate of flow through the shunt, as is needed for dialysis. While these shunts are vital for successful dialysis, they are often difficult to keep open and this leads me to the problem at hand. He must go up to Spokane in order to have the Surgery that will be needed to successfully remove the clot from the graft.......

He has had to do this several times in the past......and it is a painful and strenuous procedure as they must keep him in the hospital to test the graft by dialyzing him to make sure the surgery was successful.........and this is......... for Mr. C...... the worst part of the whole ordeal.......the hospitalization......He has been in and out of hospitals his entire life......so spending even one day in the hospital....for him......is utter hell.........

The biggest problem this has brought forward is the fact that his Concert is this coming Wednesday.........Motley Crue........his all-time fave band......and from the looks of things he will miss it.......as will I........... as I wont go without him........... I wouldnt even consider it.

Another problem this is presenting is my trip to Portland may have to be postponed........but we shall see.......as I wont leave him in the hospital and my Aunt is leaving for Alaska today.......so there wont be any family here if something does go wrong........

So in a nutshell........

Mr.C is extremely depressed ......Hospitalization and missing his band.......makes for a sad day......and a very sad ....sad man.

Cant talk

So I am minding my own bizz 2day and I get accused of commenting something on someone's Blog.....Something I would never say.....About a song that I have been listening to forever......b4 this individual was in diapers......and I end up being the bitch....(of course) also I was told that my friend was responsible for the comment......Ok......that of course is not true either.....I spoke with the friend 2day.........which actually was nice as I hadn't spoken with her in awhile.... That's neither here nor there......back to the bitch bloggin .......seems her ( My friends)ISP connection is no longer.......she is offline so 2 speak......rendering her commenting capabilities at a standstill......so there you go.......

Then it occurs 2 me that perhaps this anonymous commenter.....could be..well ........ANYONE!!!


I then began to wonder why I am letting this petty BS get 2 me..........and Jen (me friend) asked me the same thing......as it is petty..........she then mentioned 2 me......that if I wanted 2 say anything I would have done so.....and left my sig.......as I have nothing to hide........

Which is veddy true..........

So in the end....I wound up getting wound up over nothing.......about a Blog I really only read maybe twice a week......

Beats an otherwise dull day I spose.........


regardless........I am glad its over........I will no longer be taking part in anymore squabbling or finger pointing ....or allwoing myself to get upset over something so trivial and unimportant......


I do hope she resolves her issue...... with regards to the mysterious Blog Bashing commentator.......... wouldnt want her 2 lose any sleep....
















Moving on.......

I am watchin the Bourne Supremacy......and I must say its not to shabby..........I liked the 1st mucho better........but tis not to bad........

I went out last night with Mr. C ....he needed my ear......we had a good chat......and a good time........

always nice..........


ok then,

I must end this lil bitch Blog and finish the movie......

Oh and thank you Jen....for your ear and for everything else........

appreciate it..........

cheers

How could I 4get?

Every day I sit here and think to myself......"I need 2 write something FUNNY and AMUSING and something political or motivational or.....or...or...and and??????????

Well.......seems I have 4gotton Y I started this damn Blog to begin with....and I have Mr. Dakota to thank for reminding me of y I started this Blog.......

http://johnnydakota.blogspot.com/

I started this for Me...Myself...and I....as a way to pass the time I am spending in this sleepy tired 'ol town.....and like in me first Post I mused that.... in the process.........perhaps I may amuse myself and....maybe....... a few others along the way.......


Now a Blog for the most part is just a personal journal.......and us Bloggers who do use this tool to vent our lives into.....well....we are comfy in the fact that others will read it.......the reader might be a lone reader or sometimes there may be several .......and maybe.....just maybe....you sometimes get a few readers who come back again and again..which is alwayz nice....but......I think that's what I found to be...for me....BlogPressure........as I am always trying or I was trying to make sure what I wrote wasn't to personal or to boring ......well ......I now no longer feel the need to think this way as I am going back to my initial thought process.......

I will write exactly what I want .....about whatever I want.......whenever I want.....and without sounding like an ass.......I will do this........to entertain ME!

;)

So for a certain individual who has been lurking about......you know who u r........u were the main reason I was hindering my posts.......well no more.........if you don't like it........Don't read it........I would really rather u didn't......

ok then....

Thanx again Jonny.......I truly love your Blog.... I am an avid fan.......once I figure out how to add my fave links on here......you will be #1...

I am off ......I just ate a whole can of sghetti o's with meatballs........and am FULL UP......

:((((

blahhh...

I shall return.....

ciao 4 now...

Just a Post..

Here I am again ...sitting at my PC.....trying to think up something amusing to write about..... something entertaining or objective or informative.....and well I have ....NOTHING....

typical.


I am at the moment in the process of cleaning out my closets.....putting the winter wardrobe in the back...bringing out the summer/Spring wardrobe.......so much fun.....I jut had to share it with the blogger world.......


I also need to finish up the goddamn assignment for my 355 class......I received a not so nice email from my instructor asking me where the hell last weeks assignment was....and well.....I don't have the balls to tell her I haven't had the ambition nor the slightest interest in writing about more multi media BS.............but I best get me ass in gear if I am to pass the class......

Moving on.......

I talked with Patti Anne for quite awhile last night.....seems her son has gotten himself into a pretty big spot.......she needed an ear.....which I was very happy to give her.......That's what friends are for......anywayz.....I told her that the situation would work itself out as most things do.......so she shouldn't fret none.......she agreed ......

I finally found the applicator for my nicotrol dealy....so I am sucking on it now....trying to kick the 'habit'....the only problem is I don't know if I will ......in all honesty....... B able 2 use this thingy in public....as it looks like a tiny tampon and I really don't want to have people giving me the double take......"did you see that girl........she is suckin on tampon.....EWWWWWWWWWW!!''

no I would rather like to avoid that ..... if at all possible.....

Well then.....I best check out and get this flippin assignment done b4 9PM.....

lata'

Love the Queen

My brother bought a few new DVD's the other day........he only buys music DVD's ......but dammit man he has good taste........he bought Led Zepplin and Queensryche . Now I have been a fan of both sonce b4 I was able to appreciate music and genuine talent......anyone who loves rock-n-roll admires the Zep.....but when it comes to the Ryche.......well I feel that they are way underrated ...which is unfortunate as they are extremely talented (ecspecially Geoff Tate...ooooooolala ;) and are brilliant song writers......just listen to operation mindcrime and you will see what I mean.......well anyhoo.....I have been watching these DVD's........ and that of course......... sparked me interest about what the Q guys are up to as of late.......and I about fell over when I read on their website that they are..... in fact.... going to release Operation Mindcrime 2 this Fall.........HELL YEA!....now a lot of folks out there are saying you cannot top the first one or that they are only doing this as they have sold out or some other BS..........but as for me ......I cant wait.......as I am dyin 2 know who killed Sister Mary ....

Other than that I really haven't been up to much.........I do however have an update on the Kuntjoy drama........seems he felt so bad about his outburst and insane behavior he had to leave, but not b4 he called me and came over beggin me for my forgiveness........and what was I supposed 2 do but give it? When a grown man cries.......I crumble like a school grrl.........and cave........so I do hope he is OK wherever he is.......and gets better........

Family........

cant kill 'em and ya cant take 'em.......anyplace

Well I am leaving in about 12 days and I am happy....as I really need a holiday........

Oh and I wanted to say HELLO 2 Fairy Grrl......she called me from the Big Apple last night and it seems she is doing very well and has already made some friends .....so good 4 you babe!! Miss YA!!!

I just changed the Font......I like this much better.....

Anyhoo.......my brother is running around here in his typical shitass mood.......maybe its his time of the month...I swear he is more moody than a woman........its horrible.......

Moving on.......


I am having a situation with the Shockeroo......seems I am an object of obsession....which I mean is always nice.....and flattering.....but I cannot seem to get it across to Shocker that I am not willing nor able to make a commitment at this stage of me life.......but it just doesn't seem to sink in.......I want to be friends.....and well.......and just go from there........

So......there you go......


I must get off of here.......I have to return a few calls and write a few emails and do some work in English.......


I shall return......

same batchannel,same battime.....

Tootles