Brother,friends, feelings, and all the stuff in the middle..

Today, today..............was a very strange, great, unnerving, sad, happy, and fulfilling day....

So In order for me to make sense of my title I shall begin at the beginning of my day....

So lets go...........

On with the show I like to call In The Life and days Of Coley

'Should be a bloody soap, and trust me I am not ruling that out!'


Ok here we go....

I was doing my math homework when Mr.C asked me to move my car so he could get out...and we were joking about my 'sexuality' prior to him asking me to move me car...and he said something along the lines like " Y cant you just stay BI?" and I say " Y cant you just be gay?" And he responded with " I don’t like Dick!" and I retorted with " well neither do I!"

We laughed and I went off to work...

Now today at work was a really odd day as all day I kept getting these flash backs of my relationship with Teabag, I mean things that I had thought that I had really put to rest 3 yrs ago.... things that I swore I would never think about again nor wanted to visit again...as trust me they are very painful memories..................BUT with the whole situation as of late in regards to The Nutty Professor (TNP), these things have resurfaced. So today I found myself going down memory lane.

I don’t blame the Professor.........I just know that what has happened with her and I are the reasoning behind me thinking and feeling these things again after 3 yrs. I know allot of it has to do with the fact that I never truly dealt with what happened with her and I.( Teabag)
I just finally got the courage up enuff to walk away from T, but in the walking away, I didn’t get the chance to voice or vent my feelings and pain to her( T).........and there were many times I could have..........but I just figured ...what's the point? All it would have done is caused another argument and the same 'ol same 'ol deal of you did this and I did this and its your fault and yadda yadda yadda..........so I let it go.............and I didn’t think about it......... AT ALL............not until today............so there was that.... today....

The things that happened between the TNP and myself have for some reason made me start reflecting on a relationship I was hoping was dead....( Teabag and I)......and it is dead, but the problem is I didn’t actually deal with it..........totally.........and now I find myself doing that...and I am thankful for that, yet at the same I wish I wasn't...dealing with it again...

So this brings me to this evening.............I came home after work and Mr.C was up waiting for me. We made small talk..........he asked me if I could pls be more pleasant to Angell grrl.........as I guess I haven’t been as of late and to be truthful I wasn’t aware that I hadn’t been nothing but respectable to her...but with everything that has been happening as of late...I mean with the Landman, School, TNP and so forth I have been more than distracted. So I told Mr. C that I would make more of an effort to make Angell Grrl feel like she is welcm here and that I do indeed like her, cos I do.................

Now this leads me to the conversation that my brother and I had in regards to TNP.............I was saying how intense everything had become in such a short amount of time between her an I..........I mean I divulged everything from our conversations to our intimate moments...as Mr. C wanted to know ( this is why I love him so much cos he truly does CARE) anyway I mentioned that I had went up Monday and had lunch with her..........and he went "WHY!?.......Why do you keep doing this to yourself!!??"


I replied that it was something that needed to be done..........and this is what he had to say..........

He says " I don’t care what was said, or who said what............but when feeling are involved.........well feelings are feelings...........and she knew how you felt and from what you have told me.........she really doesn’t know what she's doing, and that is NO EXCUSE for making you feel like she did...."

I go "Well there’s more to it than that Mr.C..." he replies, "No there isn’t more than that............feelings are feelings and no one should lead someone along and say things and do things they don’t mean if they don’t..................... she shouldn’t have done what she did.......PERIOD!"

Ok

So I am sitting there smiling at him, cos here he is..............looking out for his big sis.............regardless of the fact that I am gayor straight......he is looking out for me...


As always.....
:)


He then goes onto say " Look sis, you have enuff on your plate with school, work and me..........and one of these day you are going to graduate...you have your whole life ahead of you.......that is when you can devote your time to relationships, but right now is not the time. I am one day going to be well, and you will have a career and then you can meet another successful woman and you can both be successful bitches together." ( Idnt he cute?)
He then went on to say that he is going to start doing more around the house. Like dishes, vacuuming, and ETC...so I can devote more of my time to studying......and not worry about taking care of the house by myself..not that I really cared either way...but............

WOW !



Little does he know that being successful is still very important to me, but the $ part of it is not as important as it once was. I don’t know why, cos I will be the 1st to admit that at one time that’s all that mattered to me..........but after living back here for the past yr..........well my priorities have changed 10-fold, I don’t want to be misunderstood here,I want to be successful and have the career....... but $ isn’t everything..............having a life and sharing a life with someone and building a life with someone is more important to me than driving a BMW and owning my own Condo, although that would be nice...............but I have learned in the past yr that I have changed my outlook on what makes me happy......

So that being said...all I have to say...is......AGAIN..........that I am by far the luckiest woman in the world to have my brother as my brother.........he is the most amazing man I have ever known............and when he gets up 3x a week to be hooked up to the dialysis machine...the machine that gives him life...........I have so much respect and love for him as the things that he endures have not made him a bitter, unhappy, young man, but quite the opposite...he is a strong, caring, moralistic, loving, protective man who looks at life in a way that I am so happy to be able to wittiness, as it has made me look at life in the same way.............

I love you Clint

You are everything that is decent and right in my life............you truly make me want to be a better person...and have made me a better person.......................


I have one more person I need to talk about...........Jess.............my asussie bud. Jess is a very classy lady who found my Blog a few months back and emailed me telling me how much she enjoyed my Blog. At the time she too had her own Blog and we would read each others thoughts and so forth..........well we eventually started emailing one another privately..........and through the months we shared correspondence leading to her and I to begin a friendship that was incredible........we have this strange cool chemistry..........and we have shared many a thought, both personal and not...............but I remember being so happy to see her name in my inbox.

Well it must be fate or something as she has recently started contacting me again and I couldn’t be more happy as Jess is someone I can talk to about anything and everything. Now I know this isn’t the most conventional friendship, but I still take her friendship very seriously and I have the utmost respect for her and her views...........she is a very supportive and caring woman...who is.... I might add .....extremely sexy and classy and articulate and all those things I love in a woman. I am not looking to meet her nor try a relationship with her as she is currently very in love and happy....and I couldn’t be more happy for her....what I am happy about is she found me again, right at a time when I really needed to be told the things that she tells me..............

So thank you Miss Aussie.............You are a very genuine and loving woman and I am so happy and lucky to be able to call you my gal pal...............

Ok then..........
I am off to Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have to work out tomorrow, have me hair did, and shop ..........as I am making chili for Mr.C so he will have something to eat while I am away this weekend, and without sounding to incredibly vain. I make the best homemade chili this side of the border.........


So I have a full plate tomorrow as well I have to do me Accounting............

Ok Dear Bloggers.............

I shall return with the next exciting episode of " In The Life of Coley"

More lata'

Patrons

I went out last night to meet Lucy at our local watering hole here...and while I was waiting I was making small talk with one of the guys that frequents the joint. This man..........this is a nice way of describing him...sitting next to him pipes in....

what do you do?


I attend WSU.


for what?!

Business Administration

Isn’t that boring?


I don’t think so

Lots of numbers

ummmm.........with the classes that indeed use numbers, yes.


U like it then?

Yes, I find it fascinating!

OH REALLY!!

I then ask.......what is it you do?

I drink.....and I find it fascinating!!


OMG......I wanted to kill the asshole........cos the conversation just went downhill from there. All I did was sit down..............and this guy pretty much goes off on me...........thankfully Lucy walked in and all was well at the litter box once again......

lol

I could so go somewhere with the name of the pub right now.........but I’m o so not going to.....


I had a great night last night..................and Lucy was able to get some things off his chest as well.............

So moving now 2 today.....

I have to take an exam.

Go to work

Come home and sleep......

Tomorrow I am maybe doing something with my hair as I cant seem to decide on whether or not I like what its doing naturally or if I wanna mess with it again or..

I should just wait and see Nancy from Nepal..........when I ma back in Portland as she was my hair-doer for 5 yrs...............

she always took care of me......

Ok then

I must be off

6 weeks

Remember that movie...91/2 Weeks.... you know that hot flick with Bassinger and Rourke..........

The emotional roller-coaster that we as an audience watched this beautiful woman on...........both sexually and emotionally

Well that would be how I feel...only I did mine in 6 weeks...

I don’t need no 9 1/2 wks baby.........I can do her in 6 wks.

So that being said I will admit I am happy to have some sort of stability back in mylfe.........I really am.............and after today I for the 1st time know where I am and where I am going when it comes to The Nutty Professor...

Yes yes.............I said Nutty...I have permission though...... so its all good.

:)

Moving on............

I am now in the middle of really playing catch up with math and accounting but its doable...as hell its just school.............not like its my life or anything...

I am going out tonight with Lucy as his brother's anniversary was yesterday ...9/11............his older brother was killed by a drunk driver 10 yrs ago...and I wanted so badly to be with him last night, but my hang- over wouldn’t permit me to leave my room let alone let me be the friend I so desperately wanted to be to him last night...as trust me I take his friendship very seriously and it means allot to me. It is becos of Lucy I was able to take these past few days and walk away a stronger woman and keep my smile.....................

I am once again blessed when it comes to friends...

Ok then..........I must be off...


I will say one more thing............I really do hope you find your smile again Professor............

Sad is not a good look for you baby.

OH

I love track 4

;)


More lata'

Bent

Today.........I am not a happy camper....

AT ALL

I get home last night.........and Landman had left a message telling me to paint my bathroom this weekend.........so I call him back and tell him I wont have time as I have other obligations and what’s the big too doo as its my BR and I am not having a problem with it not being finished so neither should he (I was going to paint this Fall, cos......well.........its something I can do other than do homework while staying inside while the weather turns)
SOOOOOO he then calls me back to tell me that this is UNACCEPTABLE.........ummmmmmmm.......so now the fight is on.......as he is drunk ( of course) and I’m not, He then threatens to sell the place and I tell him ( Do Whatever you want George.....I am beyond giving a shit!)

OH!!! MAN!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!


So after talking to that SOB I called Lucy...and we talked for a long while as well.........I came out to him at work last night..........and it was quite funny...

I mentioned on here B4 that I had turned him onto the L Word...(So he could see why I call him Lucy/Lisa) ...well last night he was telling me how much he liked the show and that he found it fascinating and Etc............

Well let me back up here a bit.............Lucy had asked me about The Professor and I told him that I had fucked up and I really didn’t wanna talk about it.........(But I really did wanna talk about it, but I didn’t see how I was going to be able to talk about all of it without mentioning gender)

So he said...Okay .........but you need to share...yadda yadda yadda...........

Ok ...so back to the L Word, we were discussing the show and how promiscuous the ladies are and all the cheating and well basically the whole Season, I may have given away to much as he is still mid way through the 1st one.........anywayyyyyyyyyy...so .........................I was standing there in the hall looking at him and I thought to myself,



FUCK IT...

Either he will accept me or he wont..........so I walked up to him and said " Well if you like the L Word, Your gonna love this!"

;)

So I proceed to tell him that that The Professors name is blankety blank.... and he goes " Why would a guys name be blankety blank?" and I laugh and I go " Cos HER name is " Blankety blank"........He just looked at me and it took a sec for it to sink in........and then he goes " OH.....OHHHH!!!"

lol

He was quite cute...............and I felt so fucking great telling him, it was great...cos I don’t know .............it just was...........Lucy is one of my closest frineds..and I am very pleased that he was so cool about it all........he also gave me some great advice, he as well had a few questions...( of course)......but I really cant explain how happy telling him made me............and regardless of what happens in my so-called-love life.........I know I will always be able to call him

Friend.

:)

Thank You Lucy

Well I just finished working out............for 2 hours................I need a shower.............I feel refreshed and spent...............and I am really looking forward to driving to Portland next Saturday......I am not looking forward to the traffic over there though............I am not looking forward to the crowds either..................cos living back here at home, well...I have become quite content with a small town...despite what I have been told in the past few weeks................I will always be a small town grrl who can live in and love the city but at the same love being where I am......... like right now.....

In other words....

I be a Northern Exposure meets Calvin Klein type a gal.

Yea.


and I always will be.....

Ok Time for some fun with numbers........

more lata'

Funny

Well All I have to say is that LAUGHTER is definitely the BEST medicine.............I talked with Binks last night and OMG did we laugh...I mean my gut hurt when I got off the phone with him......him and I have always had a ball together, and with all that’s been going on as of late in mylfe.........well a lil dose of Binks is just what the Dr. ordered...that and I learned about the ONE thing he does know...and I am quite sure that I am NOT gonna share it, cos well..........its a lil sick, BUT I will say I am o so happy that he Knows this ONE thing...........

It’s a start...

Stace called me 2day...and made me laugh as well...I have to say as of late I feel so blessed to have the friends I have, I mean I have always said that if you have just ONE good friend...the kind you can trust, confide in, love and go through ups and downs with, well you are one lucky dude/ette..........I have THREE!!!!... (Patti Anne. cant 4get her)...and I am so lucky cos I have needed them all this past few weeks..................and they have ALL been there............

SO a BIG BIG THANK YOU to my motley lil crue............I love you all............

Speaking of the Crue (Happens to be Mr.C's FAVE band on the planet) he has been really supportive as well...well as much as he can be as I haven’t really been here...aaat allllll..........but that’s all changing now cos WE have allot to get done...and I need him and I to be prepared if he gets the KINDNEY call.........so right now...I am trying to get everything ready just in case ...cos when the call comes.... I will be bedside for about a month...............so yea...

Moving on............

Other than that...nothing to new...I called Verizon 2day about my bloody celly....muthafuckin thang sucks ass........and I told the lady that...........in my own sweet way.......and I also flirted with her..........cos....she had a hot voice, and when I flirt I seem to get what I want.......just how it goes...anyhoo....she told me I was under warranty.........so I am taking the celly in tomorrow to get replaced...... or I know I am gonna chuck the thing into the river, or one of the 3 buddies I have will.......cos they have all mentioned their not-so-nice intentions in regards to my lovely static celly.....


Ok......what else........o yes.........the best for last.......Landman is back. Seems he had a nice holiday..thats great, BUT........it seems that his vacation did nothing to alleviate his feelings for me or what he thinks he feels for me as he already started calling me and sending me emails.........such as this one


Testing, one, two, three. I think you are cute, from your big toe to your
pony tail. Geo.

I responded with ( OK????)

What I wanted to say was...........WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU SICK FREAK OF F@### NATURE????????!!

But I didn’t, but I will say this..........Dear Blog.......I will go off on this man if he DOESNT leave me alone as I have had ENUFF!!!!


Ok

I feel better........

I must shower and get to work............I bought some new scrubs the other day.........a new set of Cougar scrubs ( My Schools mascot) and I am looking forward to wearing em, cos the ones I had last year were/are so comfy.....

Like wearing Pj's...........well....It IS like wearing jammies...........

plus I look DS

You'll have to ask Binks what that stands for.

;)


More lata'

Melting of my brain

Remember that show on PBS ...the science one...where the scientist would travel about and solve mysteries with this brain.........he would actually travel with a portable brain...for the life of me I cant remember that shows name...but I remember watching it after school when I was like in 6th grade or so..............Dr. No..........No...................I need some help...........I mean with what this show is called...........

We all know I am in dire need of help...............

I brought up the show cos my brain feels like its melting...literally..........I had forgotten how taxing mathematics can be...........and when you fall behind how horrible you feel trying to play catch up...BUT.........I am a genius and shall persevere...

Right?

RIGHT!!!!



Ok moving on.........

I am going to the Wet City on the 17th...for fun, friends, laughter, and DANCING...I am going dancing and BINKS BABY you are my designated dance partner...............my DDP...........not to be confused with being my DSL (Designated Safe Lay)...Still working on that.........unfortunately...

I am going to work tonight and tom. As well............I may need to take a day off next week just so I can get these exams done on time............we shall see after tomorrow.............I need to know where I am at with Math, cos this online shit with this math class is really confusing, I mean the others are coolio, but Jesus, Mary, & Joseph.........can we get a Schedule/Syllabus Math Man?????!!

DAMMIT MATH MAN!!!

:0

Ahhhhhhhhhh

I so funny.......

dat be y I am SOOOOOO single......

So I know you are all waiting for the Professor Update........

Here ya go

Update

( Oh oh oh...........Blondie is on the radio.......... One way or another................I am gonna find ya........... da da da)

Love it.............I should burn it for me trip to Portland.....

Ok where was I?

O yes

The Professor

Well....where o where do I begin here?

Howz about I don’t?

All I will say is Me, Myself and I........said entirely too much under the influence of alcohol (Champagne and Corona’s) and well.........pretty much tripped the 'ol professor out.........In a Big way......

So that being said I really don’t know where things lie...........truly.......I do know I like the.... what did Binks call it..........oh yes.. Feminine Get 2gethers

LMAO!!!!

I do like that and will miss it. BUT, right now I don’t know what’s going on with US and I am just letting the pieces lie where they lie, and not pushing nor pulling ......I am just being.....

Still.


Let it be.

Right?

Cos John, Paul, George and Ringo were always right................

Ok then.....

I am off to play Super Nurse

More Lata’

HandyMany

Landman is still in Alaska..........but b4 he left he left the # of his Handyman as there were still things that needed to be done around my house/ like...........

Putting on the Screen Door-The Flies are PISSING me off!

Assembling and installing my new shower door- Cant wait.

Attaching my towel holders and other bathroom holder onto thingy’s.

So He is here now doing this stuff and guess what.

A) He is Sober.

:)

B) He is a nice guy.

C) He knows what an ASS Landman (George is).

I explained to Handyman the BS I had been putting up with and he just shook his head and said " I know, I know, I have worked with the mad man for YEARS and he is an asshole to all women".


WOW

NO FOOLIN!!!

So anyhoo............he looked at my ( or I'm sorry Landman's tiling job) and WHOA..........he was not happy.........cos he is going to try and fix it somehow...we don’t know how yet, but he is going to fix it.


I am just happy someone is here that knows what the fuck they are doing and not at staring at me like some lustful drunken old man...no wait...that would be GEORGE!!!

In other news...

Talked with my best buddies from the wet city last night and I enjoyed that very much. Patti Anne's B-Day is the 17th so I am going back to stay with her and celebrate her big FOUR-O!!!

:)

So it will be Binks, Patti Anne, and meself..............


It should be allot of fun.

Professor Update

I can’t wait to see her again......... which I think is tomorrow...........

I hope so at least...........

Cos I am having withdrawals.


I am off to the gym then to do math and then to paint

YEE HAW!!!

Hurricane

I was sent this today by Mr. Moore.


I feel it speaks volumes.


So here you go......

and for those bushies out there..........if you dont like this........then DONT read it...........just keep on a clickin'

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore

Drugs

Cartoon


Ok now this is seriously LAUGHS!!!!


I don’t necessarily agree with the pot/medicine part of it cos my mother had MS and her Pot did help her ALOT, and well my good friend had cancer and the only way he could eat was to smoke a toke.........

So that being said..........I disagree with SOME of this..........

But the rest of it is DEAD ON!


Enjoy.

owwy

I just returned from the gym...worked out.........like I do.

And I pulled something.... actually I woke up with this pain down the right side of my bod. It starts from my armpit all the way down to my abs............OWWYYY!!!


So I didn’t do weights today...just Cardio and some crunches...

I think I may have done this lil pain pain yesterday during my sky rocket excursion with the ol' Professor.

Dammit man!!!

So now I have to go 2 work and lift and pull my patients and hopefully don’t hurt meself any more than I already have...........

Lets hope.


In other news...........I got nothing. I am going to get completely caught up with my MATH tonight and in the AM, cos I am devoting my weekend to Accounting.

Fun huh?


Yea sure............

More lata'

Afternoon Delight

Today was by far the strangest day I have had in ages. Well. I don’t know if that is exactly true cos as of late I have had plenty of weird fucking days.....................


Ok here we go...

I went to have lunch with The Professor ( and Mary Anne, Ginger Grrrrrrrr.....the Skipper and of course Gilligan) JUST kidding..............



..........and well...

We had lunch with a friend of hers and then well

She wanted to show me some of her "sketches"

Ok.

Well to make a long and personal story short


Ever heard that song?

Afternoon Delight?

Sky rockets in flight......... afternoon delight...

Uh huh

Totally unexpected, but pls Know I am NOT complaining.........


Anyway...

I visited the Sociology BLD. on Campus as that is where The Professor does her Professing...plus met the lil one...sweet...and adorable.


I then returned home to feed the Landsman’s Dogs (I am responsible for his mutts and house while he is playing Fish &; Reel).........then came home and made Mr.C and I dinner .........and I have now had a few Coronas. .....Just cos I can and I really needed to cop a buzz ..........cos well.........I just needed to numb up a bit...........things are a bit heavy. ( So to Speak)


I also talked with Stace who is more than concerned about my situation with The Professor..........and she is right to be so as there are RED FLAGS...everywhere.........and they are not bad...its just complete and utter honesty...and I am more than happy to have the honesty......Flags and all.....cos it lets me know where things lie and what is what and what wont be...

Honesty.

Great ........I mean it is...........but right now I

fuck

I don’t know.



So ..............

I have been listening to ALOT of Melissa Etheridge as I swear she has been reading my mind since I was 16 singing about my life.............


How she is capable of doing this I don’t know.

But ROCK ON SISTER!

Speaking of M.E I hope she is healing well and has a full recovery...

Ok where was I?

O yes

M.E

Well there is this one song that fits my current situation...completely........... by Miss M.E...(imagine that?)

So I thought it best to post it.........

Allot easier then me trying to convey my feelings...

Plus I think I have said enuff... about my daily activities

Or wrote enuff

Whichever...


The AngelsSometimes I feel like an innocent one
To deserve this fate what I have I ever done?
I know that I made all the rules
But time can even change the hopeless ways of fools
I love you tonight like I did yesterday
I won't think of tomorrow or the price I pay
I drink from the well my soul is dry
I never know why

CHORUS
All I want is for your love to be all mine
But the angels won't have it
All I want is just a little peace of mind
But the angels won't have it
I thought I had a piece of my soul left to sell
I guess it's just as well
'Cause the angels won't have it

Who's looking after this see-through heart?
Someone up there isn't doing their part
Oh Cupid you foolish boy
You should take better aim with your brand new toy
I love you tonight like I did yesterday
I don't think of tomorrow or the price I pay
I drink from the well my soul is dry
I never know why

CHORUS

So if I die before I wake
The innocent one whose heart could never break
Lift me up take me out of this bed
Watching the angels shake their heads
Don't feel sorry for me baby honey don't you cry
You can sell all of my clothes you will forget me by and by
I'll be riding that train I'll be singing that song
But I won't be gone for long
'Cause the angels won't have it

CHORUS

Lucy

Ok last night was Just LAUGHS I tell ya....

I was @ work, and it was L Lady,M, Lucy and I.........

Now Lucy has been on harping me for a long while to tell him why I call him "Lucy"...and I never wanted to tell him as well...he would fucking kill me...but after a few months he wore me down and about 3 weeks ago I told him....


Ok

Now anyone who has seen the L Word ...Knows about the character Lisa. Well...........When I met Lucy he reminded me of that guy on the L Word, lol..............I mean he looks like him, acts like him, he is sensitive...the only thing is he isn’t into all that aurora shit...Ok so I tell Lucy this and he is just like

WHAT!!!

Well 1st of all he had never seen the show, so I then had to xplain to him who this Lisa was and who he was on the show.............OMG..........I thought I was gonna pee...cos he was just OMG!!!!

Anyhoo this was 3 weeks ago, and he has pretty much just let go the fact that I am always going to call him Lucy (I call him Lucy cos we have a Lisa @ work and she is well............Gblaaaaaahhhh...so I picked Lucy as to not completely shatter Lucy's feelings, or those he has left)

Ok moving on..........

So last night...we were talking about movies, and I have been giving Lucy a list every night of movies to watch as he has seen NOTHING of taste. Well the last flick I had him watch was Silence of the Lambs, and of course he loved it. He then went onto say that that’s the only movie he likes Jodi Foster in............I gave him this funky look and said "The only reason you don’t like her is cos she's gay" (I know, I know.... unconfirmed, but COME on!)
Ok so he goes........."I didn’t even know she was gay" " Me " well she is, you seem to not like many actresses/actors if they are gay" So then he goes.... "Let me get this straight. I am a Lesbian identfided male who is homophonic against other lesbians?"...........

I go " yea!... something like that!'.............

Then it got better cos we were talking about make-up later on in the evening, he was watching some show...and so he was a lil confused about what exactly mascara was for and the purpose of eye liner, so I go " Your not a very good lesbian!"...........And he goes " I must be butch!"


LMAO!

All night I was ROLLING!!!

Cos of course this went on ALL night.............

So at the end of the night he decides he is going to go and watch the L word and see this Lisa guy so he knows what the fuck I am laughing for............

He wrote me:

By the way, I watched the episode of the L word, and I guess I do kind of look like the guy, but I don’t know about the behavior. :) Anyway, after watching that I am going to take a cold shower, and hit the sack :)

I cannot believe he actually watched the show............

I woke up this morning just LAUHGING..........OMG it was so funny....

Poor Lucy

I do love him though

Although we must work on making him a more lipstick type of a male identified lesbian...........

It’s a must....


In other news..........
I am off to meet the Professor...............we got sidetracked yesterday..............so hope all goes well..........


Time to shower and leave...........

More later.

boogie

Well tonight was in a word 'OUTRAGEOUS!'

I did my thang all day...........

Worked out.
Cleaned.
Shopped for groceries.

Ya know........

Stayed busy.


Then Antonio’s came over and pretty much told me I was going out with him and Deb (my Cousin) to get my mind off of the Professor.........

So I say

Sure.........yea...whatever...

Well...........I get ready...pretty basic stuff...a tank top, shorts, sandals...I go next door to get Deb and she is one of those women who dresses to the 9's every time she goes out.........well her daughter Shara was doing her make-up (Shara would be the ex-stripper, so you know she is the professional make-uper doer) anyhoo.........I say to Shara."Do my eyes".

Ok

Well she did and I don’t mean to brag, but OMG...I looked COOL tonight...

So off we go.........Antonio’s (my best gay guy friend) Deb, and myself.

We hit the club, well Antonio’s ditches Deb and I right off...so I am standing there and Deb who BTW is 51 but looks 30 ...is on the man hunt...not just for herself but for me..............and I am not there 3 minutes and she finds Nick...he is 5'10,dark hair, built, gorgeous and 22............OK

Well we dance all night...and by dancing I mean we danced like grind ur ass off dance.....uh huh....DANCE.....

To make a long story short... Deb was with his 22 yr old best friend all night and I with my 22 yr ol Nicky.............


Antonio’s finally came and got us...........and we ditched the boyz.........who were more than happy to accompany us home...at 2AM. ( we left em standing there........lost boyz that they were.......but cute and sexy as hell!)

Deb just now left to go home..............well...........to her room...as we sat up and talked all night and laughed our asses off............and lemme tell ya the conversation we had tonight was quite odd.............to sum it up I had to tell her that she isn’t gay......uh huh.......cos for some reason she was wondering if she was.........so in the process I had to tell her I would know...which led to more questions and me questioning myself after the Nicky incident tonight (plus the fact I now have a hickey from Nicky ( reminds me of that line in Grease).......all I can say is that it must be Karma.

Anyway...we came home...ALONE...and all is well and good.

I had a great time, as I haven’t danced like that in ages...

anew

Today is a bran new day..........and I intend to make the most of it.

I am hitting the gym 1st............then I am off to cook my skin cos lets face it I am fading fast......

Then its back home to finish up the home............and maybe MAYBE I might go to the Temptations tonight.......as they are playing at Hot August Nights as well. I guess 'ol Mr. Gramm Sucked ass last night, so I didn’t miss much........

I am going to stay busy.............and then even busier......

O

Congrats to Stace who has started her new job at the Hospital in Hillsboro today. I just talked to her and she is dong well, and she made me feel better too............so congrats to her..........

AND!!!!!

OH OH!!

BINKS!!!

Gave me some GREAT news last night, he is going to MED SCHOOL.........so I am very happy and sooooo proud of him. Cos now in about 10 yrs I will get free medical attention.

;)


Speaking of medical attention Mr.C might be coming down with a bug, he was getting sick all night.......so I am hoping it was just a 24 hr dealy................cos he is now on the LIST and could get a new kidney @ any moment...........

makes my eyes water every time I say that...........cos he has been through hell the past 4 years....and then some......

I must end this.........I have the Patch back on.....cos I AM GOING TO QUIT THIS TIME..........I am sick of spitting up pieces of me lungs............I don’t think they really like it either, plus Lucy is really concerned about me as he REALLY REALLY KNOWS ABOUT MEDICAL SCIENCE STUFF......so trust me on this he does knows what every single drag is doing to my body...... ( apparently my dried up nostrils and the fact I am getting nose bleeds stems from the fact I smoke) Isnt that grand?




So there’s that...........

Ok then boyz and grrlz

I am off to do the she's a manic thang.

More later.

Didnt

I stayed in tonight.............my family and I had drinks and told tall tales and laughed all night.........

Was a good night................


so I am relaxed..................

tom. I am finishing up my bathroom (painting, cleaning) and hooking up odds and ends..............

Sunday I am doing WSU stuff..........get caught up..............

Life goes on..........

as always....

SUPERvisor

Went in 2 wrk today............I punched in and Lavender ( my boss) was standing there. She looked @ me and asked "what’s wrong?" I say " I have had 6 hrs of sleep in the last 2 days" So she being the fabulous wonderful woman she is........sent me home.

:)


So I am going to REST!

Although................Lou Gramm of Foreigner is playing tonight @ Hot August Nights and Lucy wants me to go............I told him I would think about it....as well Mr. C and Angel Grrl might B going. ( Yes they R back 2gether once again........seems she is in counseling 2 figure out Y she likes dating abusive men, NOT CLINTON, her EX........JUST want to make that CLEAR!! and apparently asked Mr.C if she could talk 2 me about her issues, not that I have experience with this as I don’t, my mother on the other hand, well that's a totally diff. story) Ok where was I? O yess..................rambling on about my day...........So I am not sure if I am going to go or not.........seems like I wanna chill at home.........but then I love concerts cos its a great way to vent out frustrations and I can flirt with 10,000 people..........and trust me I do.......tis always fun.........

So I don’t know if the I AM GOING 2 REST statement is exactly true.......BUT I really should......but I really don’t want to be alone tonight either..........so I shall have to decide.........

Moving on.....

I found some great pics of my lil brother and OUR kitty Domino on me phone 2day and thought I would share.........so I am gonna cos I have mentioned on here how MUCH I really love my kitty....she be me babyz............

and......



Cos I am so sweet.............

I am.

Reallly.....

Dont buy into everything you hear people.....

;)

Mr. C....in all his Splendor.......

life

First of all on days like this, I am o so happy I have this Blog as it truly is my personal ventilation tool...regardless of the fact that total strangers read it, I am happy to have it as today...I am going to use it for all its worth.

So lets begin.........

The last week has been HELL!

Totally.
Utter.

HELL

Landman- My Landman told me he was needlessly and hopelessly in love with me..........wrote me a letter telling me this...........sent me some weird pics of himself (The family and I have come to the conclusion he is a cross-dresser) so you get the idea. He has RUINED my tiling in my bathroom as he a drunkard that was only over here so he could stare at me...........which lately I haven’t any idea as to why anyone would want to cos I know I have aged 10000 yrs....but that’s a diff story for another time...so anyyywaayyy George Landman finally left for Alaska (hopefully he meets a nice Eskimo and igloos up for eternity) and he is now out of my hair.

Carpet- Carpet is done and looks BEAUTIFUL!!! I am very happy with the results. Mr. C and I busted our asses off yesterday getting this house in order...I mean we basically moved everything out of the house and back in yesterday. Lucy came over at 7AM to help us as Georges daughter was supposed to be here as she and her BF were paid to move all of our things out....I HAD to call the twit to wake her up, and then last night left 2 messages on her Cell telling her it was now time to return to move the stuff back in. She calls me @ 9ish and GOES OFF on me........and ummmm..........well I am not someone to talk to like this.................and I must say I handled it rather well...............but I was extremely busy, so I will admit the next time I run into her.......well she wont like it................

Brother- this whole nonsense and experience with Landman has brought my brother and I closer together than I ever thought possible. He really is very, very, verrrrryyyyyy protective over me................and I couldn’t be more proud to call him my best friend and brother...........

Thank You Clinton

Mother- 7 yrs ago on the 23rd of August I lost my mother. My Rock. I miss her..........terribly..........and since I have been so damn busy with this house and Etc.I didn’t get a chance to pay my respects. I went today, just returned actually, cos to be honest ( this will sound really corny) I missed my mommy...............so I went and CRIED for a long time.................and cleaned her 'spot' and talked to her..............and I felt so much better afterwards......

School- Couldn’t tell ya............Haven’t even opened a fucking book..........aint that great? Although I did read my Algebra book...............everyone keeps telling me I am smart and will be OK.

Uh huh


Work- Don’t know................been off for the last few days.............I work 2night, and have the weekend off.............but to be honest I am looking forward to going to get away from home and my thoughts and feelings.

Stace- What can I say?..........she knows me so well.........and always say's the right things.........wish we could a worked it out..............but I am glad we are friends cos she is the only one who can make me laugh while I am crying.

Lucy- We have been spending allot of time together...........he is going through a horrendous divorce...........and well..........we have become really close friends, BUT.....now here is the infamous BUT........he told me last night

"I woke up today......just happy......." I say " That’s great, cos you need to have good days!" He replies " Ya know why don’t cha?"...me " Uhhhhhhhhh No" He says " Well I woke up with someone on my mind and it made me so happy"... I say " your boys?" ( He has 3) He says "No......YOU......your smile, I thought about you all day and I was so happy!".....

Me "SILENT'

It takes allot to make me speechless. and I mean allot...........but he did.......cos I did not see this coming AT ALL..............

So now..........I dunno . He is my friend................and I don’t want any more than that from him.





Anyhoo......
...................The Professor is in the middle of ALOT and so I just did the noble and right thing and said that she needed to focus on that............... and left it.

Trust me I didn’t want to......

It was not easy to be good and wise and all that, but sometimes one must do what one must do.


So there you go.............

I feel .................


That’s the problem

I feel.


Why me?


Ok then..............that’s about all for now

O!!!

I got me chain back 2day!!!!!!

YAYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!


I am happy bout that, cept it made me think the way it was broken ........I mean I sometimes think like this.........as the chain symbolizes a time in mylfe...........that it was broken by another that maybe the breaking of the chain was a sign or something.............

Hmmmmmmmmmmm?


I know

I am crzzyyy

But hell I’m allot of fun.

Just ask Lucy, Stace, Patti, Binks,.......

;)

baaaaaad

Ever wanted someone......so bad........but......knew it was not meant 2 b

?


that's when u got it bad.....

and if this feeling transpires after only a few meetings........

Well then you really have it baaaaaadddddddd


Its my chain man.......

I need it back

NOW

$

Ok so I am paying OFF all of my DEBTS...........I only have credit card left and then I am debt free save for the car payment. I paid for 6 month of car insurance so I am good there as well..........My RIBS which cost me 255$ are now paid off as well...I owe a few bucks to OREFUCKINGON so I am paying those MF's off as well...

Lemme see.........that will leave me Macy's card and ummmmmmm one credit card...

Tis all

I am in the clear...and still have $ to play with...which anyone who knows me knows I wont...

Ok then

I am off to la la land cos lemme tell ya Bloggers, the drama in mylfe has been UNBELIVEABLE...and I am not even gonna go there tonight.

Time for the much needed

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs

car

I now have my own car
I bought a 2000 Toyota Camry

its cherry

Im happy

TOYOTA!!!!!

Ponder

If Jimmy crapped corn and nobody cared......................
Then why in the fuck did they write a song about it?


In mylfe

I am doing a meet-n-greet tom. So I am hoping it goes well.........speaking of meet-n-greets, 'ol Stace has enough material about her recent adventures to write a small book ...I mean we are talking laugh out loud material............I can hardly breath when she gets through telling me about her latest date.com
Needless 2 say after today’s lil hoorah she has CLOSED her profile...........so for all those poor sappy souls out there in search of love and laughs I hate to tell ya, Stace is off the datedot.com scene..........

I have never been one to do the dot.com dating thing, but I had to sign up to read Stacey's profile and so after much prodding and pushing I am going to meet someone tom. @ The WSU campus.... I need to buy me books and I feel what the hell, I can kill 2 birds with one stone, nothing to lose and much to gain, I meself may just get enuff material to write a paragraph...

Maybe 2

;)

I Joke

I have respect for this person and would NEVER say or do anything at another’s expense for a laugh...............

NEVER

cum

OMG!
this is just

well

cumlarious


cum

Professor

I met the Professor .............

I am smitten


And its not good cos....well I usually get fucked over when I am smitten...........

We had a great night..........and morning……. and I guess when I go to school in the morrow we are meeting for lunch to discuss 'stuff'


I can hardly wait…

O

And the Professor broke my Chinese Gold chain.............my lucky chain....

Bad luck man

It’s getting fixed in the MORNING!!!


I have to admit the way it was broken was quite fun...

*eg*

no-call

Ok I have a beef...........don’t cha just loooooooove it when someone says their gonna call and then don’t? Why even say your gonna call if your not? I mean really? Stace and I just had this same conversation and we feel that if you aren’t going to or don’t have the flippin intention to make the call, then...

DONT SAY YOU WILL!!!!

I mean.............honestly...........

Ok moving on..........

Somehow Mr. C has lost or had his damn house keys stolen from his key ring. I mean the person(s) took both keys completely off of his key ring and so now I have to have the locks changed ASAP as in mi nada !!
DAMN!!!

If it isn’t one thing its another.............

Lemme see what else...........work went well...I am updating my resume' and looking for a new J in the field I am actually going to school for...life is to short to hate waking up in the AM dreading the day cos of the work one is doing. Sure the $ is tight, but my frustration aint tight......aint tight.......at all!

In other news....

I am buying a new sectional couch to go with the new decor of my house (If the fuckers who stole my brothers keys don’t rob us and kill us 1st) after the new carpet gets laid..........

Oh the irony

More later

after

Well We all survived Mr.C's 30th Hoorah..............and let me say...personally...I am so happy this only happens ONCE in a lifetime as we did her up good..............Tequila shots for everyone ALL night..........everyone had a great time...I didn’t lose my famous temper, I actually think Mr. C and I became a bit closer (that and he kept tackling me with his over-bearing hugs). The only thing that did happen is Mr.C's gf Angel Grrl WENT OFF on lil Bethy...whom is just a great friend of Mr. C's (he has a TON of women friends...and I mean a TON...if you did get them all together on huge weigh thingy, well then you would see)
anyhoo..........Angel Grrl seen them both huggin after Bethy bought Mr.C a shot for his Big THREE -O...and well she flipped the fuck Out!!!

Bouncer had to intervene, I had to intervene...and pretty much after that they ( Angel and Mr.C) were fighting and well.............she was escorted out and he was unhappy the remainder of the night........this happedned at 1ish I think... so not all was lost.

I had fun...I didn’t however enjoy the after effects ...ummmm...I felt like a BIGGER train hit me and well.........just kept hitting me repeatedly for 12 hours.........

So needless 2 say I am good on the consuming end of mylfe............its ALL good. and Its ALL over!

Moving on.....


Today I must clean me room.... as............well I tend to let it just clutter up with books and water bottles..............so that’s me plan, as well as find my Algebra book to try and remember the x+y/y-x= BS!!

I must give a BIG thank you to Stacey who CRACKS me up whenever I fell like death.... I am o so happy she is back.............but on another sad note Patti Anne is still MIA..........phone is dead...I am really worried as she wasn’t doing all that well when we last talked..........my not coming didn’t help...although she would never admit that...

Well then............I shall end this............work out.........I am now on the 2nd day of no SMOKING...........patch is going on.........and there you go...........


More later

Almost

I am a bit sluggish 2day...........

Check this....

I go out after working 11 and some odd hours and have 4 beers........FOUR!!! Wake up @ 9:30 for my workout and feel like I was hit by a train...Y is it on some nights I can drink Yager and wake up fine.........and when I am casual I wake up like death?

Time for some much needed research on the hangover..............and b4 anyone suggests the next day pill.........don’t...........doesn’t do dick...

How ironic?

Moving on...


After I get done at the gym...(I am hoping sweating out the alcohol toxins will give me the much needed energy bust I so desire) I must get Mr. C's cake ordered ...Lisa...the baker...whom I used to partaayy with back in the day (told you this flippin town was small) well she will be responsible for making his 30th sugar high...then I am off to buy him his gift...I am thinking a DVD player or a new Receiver/amplifier for his surround sound stereo and the 99 speakers we have.............either or he will be happy.........then I must make arrangements with his GF ( whom isn’t returning my flippin calls .......wa fu?) 2 C if my idea of dinner on the river @ Roosters is coo......


SideNote

We are celebrating Mr.C's 30th today..........he will actually be 30 tomorrow.....the 7th, but seeing how that is a Sunday and a religious day we thought it better to do our sinning the day prior......

Again.....

Moving on.........


Sometime in there I must call Patti Anne...her phone is on the fritz, and ever since I broke the news of not making my trip to the wet city, well she has been MIA....


Ok then...

I am off

HAPPY B- DAY LITTLE OLD BROTHER!!!!!!!!

LOVE YOU!!!!!

update

I havent had time to blog about anything.

Mr. C had surgery AGAIN!!!

I am fulfilling my requirements for my JN yr at WSU.

I still have a job.

I dont know if I am going to Portland.

Mr. C will be 30 Sunday. :)

Its going to be 105 or hotter here for the next 6 days. FUCK!!

My mom will have been gone for 7 yrs on the 23rd. ( i miss her)

My back hurts. ( cunches)

More later..........

diasterous

This day is by far one of the worst days of the yr.

Car broke down (nothing major it turns out, ignition got wet after I washed it @ the carwash.)
Toilet over flooded on carpet in bathroom.......NICEEE!!!

NOT!

Walked in 110 degree heat...after I couldn’t get the fucking car 2 start.....until luckily Cousin Deb picked me up........

ummmmmmmm

lemme see..........that’s about if............shitty day ( literally with toilet over-flowing on said carpet)

I am going to bed.........and staying there the rest of the night........

fuck me........


Although


Stace called and made me laugh my ass off........thank you Stace!

OH
And Binks sent me an email...telling me about his dumb ass doing dumb ass shit.........I told him what I thought and in the process prolly pissed him off, but hey, If I were to divulge what he was doing...I know that you Bloggers out there would agree with me..........

DONT DRINK AND DRIVE!!!!

Dumb, Dumb..... dummtity Dumb!!

I am out.

blog blues ( I thought this was rather funny so give me a click)

I am done!!
School is offically finito!!

B+ in both classes

Life is good!!!

88.8%

Almost done!
..........OMG I SWEAR on my mother I will never wait until the last week to finish up my courses!!! I really didn’t this time......I had 55% done in each course......I just waited to complete the remaining 45% this week...so yea......I am frazzled.........

I have 3 assignments 2morrow and one more Friday and I am finito!!!

FINALLY!!!

The 3 2morrow are easy......write 2 pages with 5 paragraphs each on two subjects and then write a 5 page paper on a book I read half way........so it will be a 3 page paper with a bunch of exaggerated BS from the books dog-eared sections I saved.....

Just as long as I hand something in it’s all-good....

I do have to give Lavender my my boss @ work KUDOS for allowing me 2 have the whole week off to get this shit done.........I so do love her......she is by far the coolest boss I have ever had.......I owe her everything as last semester she did the same thing for me.........

Well I best call it a night.......I just received anther DVD from Netflix...The Shield ....so I am gonna crawl in bed and fall asleep to crooked cops......

sweet dreams..........

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ok so I am sooooooooooooo brain dead right now I could just about.......well........I dunno........but when I find out I will do it.

I have been doing B. LAW all DAY.......I got 3 assignments finished.........3!!!

That’s it!!!

Writing law briefs is a pain in the ass!!!
Especially when I would rather be doing other “things” with briefs……….

Who wouldn’t?

Anywayyyy

Plus I am the type who looks up every single word that I don’t know the definition to......so there goes another hour...........George (Land Man) called me.........20 minutes of listening to him go on and on................Tony is stopping by "Not to visit" he claims.............

oh and of course..........I still have another 3 assignments to do in B. LAW as well as write 3 papers for my West Civ. course........

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I really really need a break...........

O goody

Sex and The City is on!!!

This will be a nice getaway.....


O
In other news........

Mr.C returned home from Spokaloo........and he is fine..........he went right 2 bed.......so I am hoping he isn’t depressed over angel grrl...........

I shall know more 2morrow

brother

I just had the strangest and COOLEST conversation with my brother...which has just made me love him all the more...........

Now Mr. C tells me EVERYTHING..........and well I felt it time to tell him EVERYTHING.........and so I just did..........and I feel that if I can tell him.... and he doesn’t care..........as he said " I love you no matter what you do...or who u do it with"...well I can just tell whomever...........

I was commenting on one of my Gf’s tonight and Mr. C asked me if we were an "item"...and I calmly said..."yea...we were at one time...u do know I'm Bi right?"

He said..."I have always known and I dont care..."

Now how fucking cool is that?

I have always kept my sexuality to myself...........as it really is no ones Beeswax...

But when my lil bro could care less.........and lemme tell ya folks he was the one person I was always worried about..........I really don’t give a shit what anyone thinks...

So yea

Moving on...

I am definitely going to Portland on the 12th or so for a few days............I am now 60% of the way done with school and will finish up by Wednesday...........so that leaves everything open for me trip............

I also finally ended or...........well...gave up on the relationship with 22...........


If you can call it a relationship........more of a clusterfuck of emotions.....

I will never make the mistake of dating anyone that young again..........

I will say I have no hard feelings and wish nothing but the best for Miss M.

I must end this...

Time to watch Million Dollar Baby

Bring it on!

Images

Here I be......In all me splendor. I took these as of today for MySpace...........I have a lil spot over there as well.............I don't take it as serious as I do this here blog.........'right'.............but I thought since I am showing me ug mug there...........might as well show it here..........


I don't wanna be selfish..........


I think everyone deserves a bit of a shock.......


Aint I a daisy?


Moving on..

I am now hitting the books to try and finish up all me assignments by next Friday for the summer course. I have 4 in History and 6 in B. Law..

Wish me luck

Trust me

I'm gonna need it..

rubbish

Last night I was talking with 'ol Binks and we shared a few or actually ALLOT of laughs...as usual...

I got caught up on all the local gossip in Portland & the goings on at my previous Job the dump plus we discussed what the 2 of us have been up to.............which unfortunately we haven’t been up to much..............all was well in our lil conversation.......however.....I feel I must clarify something here............Binks commented on me b4 abs photo.........now he knows me quite well.......has even seen me starkers...........( a drunken night of strip quarters.....don’t ask)...........so when he mentioned or actually stated ( your sucking in your tummy!)............I kina took that a bit personal..............umm........cos I’m really not...............I took that shot at the weirdest angle b4 eating and plus I had just woken up.........if I were to be sucking in..........it would have most likely looked like it as my ribs would a been a poking and jabbing out of me skin... which would have looked rather unsightly............ to tell ya true..........

So I have decided to take a photo of me sucking in me lil tummy............just to make me case...........

Not right now………but soon……….


I know.....I know........I making more out of this than is necessary, but when your life is as dull as mine........these lil experiments are almost exciting.........

Moving on.......

Seems Merry 'ol London has been attacked again!

Wha Fu?

So far only one confirmed casualty............

only one more............

Another death.

For what?

quote

db said...
In the past, I have wanted to get back together, even just moments after the self-induced breakup. Since then I've realized breakups happen for a reason. If you trusted the person during the relationship, you can trust they wanted something you could not (or any longer) offer.

For me .......this is the best quote I have ever come upon regarding breaking up.

db should stand for Damn Brilliant

b4

I am posting a pic of me Abs b4 I started working out........

I shall post the after pic when I get a decent camera...

And b4 anyone asks.......YES THIS IS ME!!!!

In other news........

Kuntjoy flipped out again today..........on me of course......4 no good reason other than he is a fucking freak of nature...........

Mr. C has decided he is no longer allowed here........period.

This time its final.

So that’s good..........

I best stop here........I am watching The Shield season 1 on DVD

Love-crooked cops on DVD

Pals

It’s been awhile since me last post...but hey...life happens

Been doing allot of reflecting… and to be honest… been a bit a bitter lately as a result...luckily I have been lucky in the sense I have great friends near and far to make me feel more up than down...

I was actually an idiot today and read my ex's Blog which is what actually set me off.... as I am… just...well...surprised… I guess… out how easy it was for the ex to replace me so soon...needless to say this made my otherwise good day rather gloomy until N2 called and had me meet her and Lucy for beers and pool at our local pub.........we had a lot of laughs and great talks which made me realize that life does indeed move on...whether I want it to or not…I have been here many times with this realization…but every time seems like the 1st....I guess I am just amazed at how simple it is to see this. And in knowing this…its great to know that I have these wonderful people that I call friends to move on with..........I also had Stace call me a few times 2day as well as Patti Anne, which made me smile and think...wow..........shit might not always go as planned, but in the end, I am lucky enough to have me great friends...near and far.........

Sometimes that’s all a grrl needs..........

BUT

Sometimes a grrl needs more..........but what I know and have learned in me small lil world.........is this.........needing and having.........well...........I would rather see what I have than need what I don’t

My 2AM philosophy

But shit.........if it works..........and believe me... for me it does...then why worry and wallow when u really don’t need to?




OH

B4 I 4get

I finally…and I mean FINALLY…told teabag to fuck off in the nicest way…teabag is the hated and dreaded ex………so finally after 3 yrs of ridiculous and stupidly polite conversational emails I finally made the decision to say…’ I DON’T NEED TO STAY IN CONTACT WIT YOU ANYMORE. ……AND FURTHERMORE….. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO!”

Trust me…this has been a long time coming…

Too long…

It felt great…


In one word.

Liberating.

hee hee

Fuck

I had a good day today.......I really did

I worked out........I was actually in this sorta competition with another grrl at the club in the weight room............you know the kind of silent competition when you know someone is watching you and trying to out do you.......well I believe it was a tie............

I then went and confirmed the carpet I am installing....I am already sick to death of the whole deal..........lemme see..........then I talked with Stace for a bit and laughed as usual.........I then had to venture to the Bon to buy me panties and other under thingy's..........which of course cost me about 100 bones..........I can never buy just one thing......

My 3rd essential flaw..............

Ok..............



Then I checked my email...I made a request...........and it was done by someone I used to know.........but what pisses me off is.... there was no........ "How ya doin?"...Or "FUCK OFF!"

Just the shit I asked for was sent back to me...........

That’s it.

So now I am pissed as I sit here and wonder.......I meant nothing to this person?

Welllllllll

FUCK!!!

Nice way to end my rather good day...........

Grrrr

landlord

Well I am just psyched about the new carpet I am getting next week. George (landlord) stopped by today to tell me he wants the entire house re-done ( bedrooms included) as well as new linoleum in me bathroom.( I know this might sound like the current carpet and linoleum is trashed, but it really isnt, I just simply asked George for something new..and well.........'volia!! I told ya..........I always get what I want!) he even offered to pay to have our furniture moved out so we really dont need to do anyting but vacate while the carpet guys/gals do the lying of the new rug......he also fixed the automatic sprinkler system so my yard will look fabulous once again...........its so nice to have a landlord who actually gives a rats ass about his tenants and makes sure to keep me/US happy............I think it might be cos I actually take care of the place and the yard...I have always enjoyed nice things and a nice home...and having a place that is getting renovated is a great feeling .........PLUS I get to re-decorate.



Moving on...

I am going back to Portland In August to see Stace and Patti Anne...........I know...I know..........I said I would never go back to Portland after the last trip, BUT I WILL NOT be seeing the freaks that I was seeing in my past travels (Binks excluded of course) so this time it should be all gravy.

School is trudging along..........I have a few assignments in each course and I am finished, then its time to do my Writing Portfolio and I am ready for fall classes...........


I really have nothing else to report..........I need to call fairy grrl in New York here soon as she has called me several times and I have yet to call her back...so I am doing that tomorrow...........I feel bad for not keeping in better touch with her, but life has a way of getting in the way of well...LIFE

I best end this.........I have laundry to fold and I wanna finish Hostage ...so far it’s been pretty good.

OH and one more thing

I sure love me Aunt Glo..........I do

She is the best Aunt a grrl could ask for.

:)

Test

For all those who know me and even those who dont..........why not take me lil quiz?

I stole it.....

Cos I like it.........

If you would prefer to email me your answers.......
u can
nftc15@hotmail.com


Just copy an paste babes

I did!!


give it a go...


1. who are you?

2. are we friends?

3. when did we meet?

4. how have i affected you?

5. what do you think of me?

6. whats the fondest memory you have of me?

7. how long do you think we'll be friends?

8. do you love me?

9. do u have a crush on me? have you ever?

10. would u kiss me?

11. would u hug me?

12. physically what stands out?

13. emotionally, what stands out?

14. do u wish i was cooler?

15. on a scale of 1-10, how hot am i?

16. give me a nickname, explain why u picked it

17. am i loveable?

18. how long have u known me?

19. describe me in one word

20. what was your first impression?

21. do you still think that way about me?

22. what do u think my weakness is?

23. do u think i'll get married?

24. what makes me happy?

25. what makes me sad?

26. what reminds u of me?

27. if u could give me anything, what would it be?

28. how well do u know me?

29. whens the last time u saw me?

30. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. do u think i could kill someone?

32. do you miss me?

33. do u think i miss u?

wow

I just got off of the phone with a friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to in over a yr....and to be truthful I didn’t think I would ever speak to again..........I will say that I am glad she found me..........more so than I can express..........she has always made me laugh and I can confide in her about any and everything...and I do……….as trust me friends like her are so far and few between…………..



But most importantly

She is just LAUGHS…. seriously…this grrl gives me a gut ache

And I LOVE that about her

So thanx Stace.........for finding me

Again

This time we shall continue our friendship without the intermissions.........’fingers crossed’


Moving on...........

Nothing to new to report.........well a bit of drama with Mr.C and Mr. Porcelain, but I will get into that later on...............I am too tried to divulge the drama of my brother.........

3.5 hour phone calls can tire a gal out..........

Plus the West Wing is on…and those of you who are my devoted readers… know I am a huge political nerd…

Could be worse…

Couldn’t it?

condolences

I would like to express my sincerest condolences to all those that have suffered in 2days attack in London.

I really just don’t have the words.....

busy

I am so busy its really just....... well............busy

I just finished my workout and now I have to run out and exchange some smokes at the rez for Aunt Glo, then I have to move beds around as I am getting a new mattress set today, which means I have to trade off my set for the new set and all the other moving involved, I then have to go to a diff store to pick out new carpet, THEN...I have to pick up some BBQ stuff for the BBQ tonight..........

Sometime today I must study...


Plus

N2 is really in dire straits with her BF and mum.............
Tis a mess

Truly


I was up til 3AM talking with her...as well as @ work last night she was upset

Poor thing

So I am trying to help her out..........

Also...
My ex contacted me again...which always trips me out...............

So there you go

mylfe

Fun.

Independence

Happy Birthday America!!!!

I have a bit of history with regards to our Independence Day

Independence Day is the national holiday of the United States of America commemorating the signing of the Declaration of Independence by the Continental Congress on July 4, 1776, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.


Independence Day is celebrated on July 4 because that is the day when the Continental Congress adopted the final draft of the Declaration of Independence. From July 8, 1776, until the next month, the document was read publicly and people celebrated whenever they heard it. The next year, in Philadelphia, bells rang and ships fired guns, candles and firecrackers were lighted. But the War of Independence dragged on until 1783, and in that year, Independence Day was made an official holiday. 1941 Congress declared 4th of July a federal holiday.

The first Independence Day celebration took place the following year - July 4 1777. By the early 1800s the traditions of parades, picnics, and fireworks were established as the way to celebrate America's birthday. And although fireworks have been banned in most places because of their danger, most towns and cities usually have big firework displays for all to see and enjoy.


So there you have it......a bit of history about our countries B-day.

While doing a bit of quick research I found this quote:

"Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends (life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness), it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government."

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), from the Declaration of Independence

I happen to like this quote very much.......as I feel it exemplifies the document in its entirety.......

well for me it does


I have always been fond of this day as I am very fond of our American history and of our country, regardless of what may be happening at present............

today America will be celebrating her 229th B-Day, so I would like to take this time to wish everyone a very Happy Independence Day!!!

Enjoy the bbq's, fireworks, and parades...........as for me...........I am working today.........this will be the 1st 4th I have worked in 6 yrs......but to tell you true, I celebrated on Friday........

So it’s all-good....

Onward

So I made a decision today

I also completely finished another chapter in mylfe

Seems another Blogger is doing the same thing, although I believe we are on different chapters.........I am sorry to c her go.......I shall stay.....I am not done yet.

Moving on........

Mr. C is taking me out to dinner 2 nite.

I ran a mile today while at the gym, YES a MILE....I am flippin happy about that.....I am really taking this working out very seriously.....and the results are really showing......I have been getting some really nice compliments.......so thank you to those who have noticed.......and fuck you to those who haven’t

heheh

Anyway...........

I must be off.....I just mowed the lawn jammin out to Toni B.....her 1st CD is jammin, I still am in love with her music..........

So that is Coley's musical choice of the week for those who care

Toni Braxton
Toni Braxton

excellent.....and very fitting for my current state of life...

Ok then I am off to shower and then have some dinner

I am very hungry.......

drama

i have to give an answer soon to somone

Dont know what I will say

well I do


Other than that


Nadda

well thats not true


alot actually

But I am done with it

I have more important things too deal with


So how about them Yankees?

Me

I dedicate this song to me

and only me


Train
Hopeless

I hopelessly, helplessly, wonder why
Everything gotta change around me
I’d tell it to your face
But you lost your face along the way
And I’d say it on the phone
If I thought you were alone
Why do things have to change

But you don’t need my pictures on your wall
You say you need no one
And you don’t need my secret midnight call
I guess you need no one
Is anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it’s time that will tell if it’s heaven if it’s hell or if it’s
Anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it’s time that will tell this tale

You’re in and out up and down
Wonder if you’re lost or found
But I got my hands on you
Are you strong enough to tow the line
Are you gonna make me yours
Or do I make you mine
I’m in and out I’m up and down
Wonder if I’m lost or found
But I need your hands on me now

But you don’t need my pictures on your wall
You say you need no one
And you don’t need my secret midnight call
I guess you need no one
Is anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it’s time that will tell if it’s heaven if it’s hell or if it’s
Anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it’s time that will tell this tale

I hopelessly, helplessly, wonder why
Everything gotta change

Hopeless

I am hopeless

I mean....one minute I'm up ...the next I'm down

what the fuck?

I have never been good with the big L

never ever

ever


Moving on........thankfully


I watched THE AVIATOR last night

Leo was great

the film was great

Howie baby

you were a weird one

great visionary

but a bit whacked


sad really


Ok back to me.....

I am hopeless.................


so hopeless

Disoriented

Has anyone 'sides me ever been so confused about their own feelings that they don’t know whether to laugh or cry? Or perhaps both?

Cos that would be me............

I founded out something........about a certain someone I thought I was no longer interested in........and this info has made me feel......well I feel sorta....

Bewildered, bugged, chagrined, confounded, confused, crushed, discombobulated, discomfited, disconcerted, disgraced, embarrassed, fazed, fuddled, humbled, humiliated, mortified, rattled, red-faced, shamed, shy, taken aback, blurred, chaotic, disarranged, disordered, disorderly, disorganized, haywire, higgledy-piggledy, in disarray, jumbled, messy, miscalculated, mistaken, misunderstood, obscured, snafu, topsy-turvy, unsettled...

....and well

all in all

I really just feel



PISSED OFF !!!


As this confusion of me emotions about this person is something I am not used to.


I have not been this out of sorts since I was with Tea Bag..


I not a happy grrl.

No Siree Bob ....

Not at all....

Shop

Its official

I have a problem

In a big way


I am a shopaholic

I went out 2day to exchange the Nautica Tee Mr.C bought me @ Costco, I exchanged it for some black Capri Dockers.........

OK.....that’s fine.

I then venture to JC Penny's to exchange the St. Johns Bay top for a top that I will actually wear and in the process realized that I needed a new pair of Keds to go with my new Liz Claiborne shorts I bought, I then realized that I also needed a new pair of scandals to go with the new Capri's I picked up @ Costco.........so I venture to Shopko as they have great shoe sales and I did pick up the Keds, Scandals and a new pair of Nikes that I didn’t need but they were marked down from $60 to $14....so me being me......thought to myself I would be a complete fool if I didn’t buy them ......


I then came home and looked in me closet and realized I have not a speck of space left for anything new.............

I need help.........

well.........

actually I need to have my hair done and my nails to go with my new............

Supreme Commandments

In a 5-4 ruling, the high court ruled that the display of framed copies of the Ten Commandments in two Kentucky courthouses is a violation of the separation of church and state, but then they also ruled 5-4 that the display of the Decalogue on the grounds of the Texas capital is a legitimate tribute to the legal and religious history of the US.




Well finally this issue of the separation of Church & State has been addressed. To me it has always been a improper government endorsement of religion, as the forefathers of this country were adamant in their vision of separating religion from government, this is the reason that the 1st Americans left merry 'ol England..........the persecution of religions beliefs...meaning if you weren’t with em, you were against em.

Sound familiar today?


I do have to mention something about Mr. Cruise and his well, erratic behavior.

He is dead set against medication of any kind that helps individuals suffering with depression/anxiety. He has stated in several interviews when he is proved wrong on this issue that the interviewer 'doesn’t understand'......

Ok, I could give a shit less about celebrities and their lives, but when one of em goes around spewing nonsense about meds that have been proven to help individuals I feel its time for that particular 'STAR" to get his facts straight........perhaps his religion of Scientology doesn’t embrace medications, and that’s fine, but for those who do, and for those who actually look up to these Celebes I feel they need to be more informed on the subject matter b4 they start mouthing off.......

Just my opinion.

And here’s another

Cult Buster said:

The reporter then asked Cruise if he felt that it was his “job to recruit new followers for Scientology?”

“I’m a helper,” said the middle-aged actor.

But then Tom made the startling claim that “Scientology [has]…the only successful drug rehabilitation program in the world…called Narconon.”

The German reporter then did something akin to Hara Kiri in Hollywood he disagreed with Tom Cruise.

“That’s not correct,” he told the star.

He then went on to say that Narconon “is never mentioned among the recognized detox programs [and] independent experts warn against it because it is rooted in pseudo science.”

Pseudo science?

Narconon is based upon the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology.

Tom then told the reporter, “You don’t understand what I am saying. It’s a statistically proven fact that there is only one successful drug rehabilitation program in the world. Period.”
opinion


Moving on....

I have decided to let the whole flashing nonsense go......its beneath me, and i feel that I will no longer be associating with the people who started this...............

I left High School a long time ago


ok then............

I am off to the gym

Need to vent

In a healthy way

Predicament

I have a situation, well actually a problem that I thought I would Blog about as it’s a way of venting the said issue.
Last night when Izzy showed up he happened to tell me a couple of things that have left me a bit .....well.....unhappy. My issue has to do with Willard (N2's BF of 7 yrs) well seems 'ol Willy has been spreading gossip about me, very untrue gossip. Seems he told Izzy that I flashed him my breastesses........I don’t know when or where this supposed act occurred all I know is that he told Izzy that I did this. OK......well first of all I am not the type of woman who does this sort of thing........I have a bit more class and self-respect to conduct myself in this manner..........especially when it comes to one of my closest friends BF. Now I don’t know why he told Izzy this and what he thinks going to come of it......I do know that N2 is oblivious of this and I would hate to see how she would react to finding this out. Also Izzy went on to tell me a few other things about good 'ol Willy that N2 doesn’t know about either......and I wish I didn’t myself. See N2 is crazy in love with him and he in all respects seems to be a pretty decent guy, well at least that’s what I thought until last night. Now I have tossed this issue about with my brother and my cousin, and they both have told me that I need to confront Mr. Willy about this flashing nonsense as I do have a reputation to protect. As for the other info I am aware of, I believe I am going to stay out it.

This shit really just pisses me off. Why do guys and grrls have to start shit like this? Is it the age ? Or what? I mean really........I already know once I confront him he's going to deny it.....and say Izzy is a liar........and speaking of Izzy, Y did he tell me this? I know he has complete respect for me as he is always a complete gentleman when he is around me, I just don’t understand.........he was rather adamant after telling me this that I not say anything to Willard...now why is that I wonder?.....well sorry buddy when some guy starts telling people I am flashing him I think I have to confront him, I mean for Pete’s sake..........I am rather protective of myself and of my image.

I will say that 10 yrs ago in my wild and crazy days this may have occurred.........hell yea.........I partied like a possessed crazed fool........all of me grrl friends did, but that was then, and this is now......

So..........now I am going to have to deal with this and in the process most likely lose a friend over something I didn’t do to someone whom I did think of as a very nice and polite man...........

Well this is no longer the case.......


Unfortunately...........

Aint life a daisy?


UPDATE

Izzy left a message on me Celly about an hour ago stating that he hasdspoken with Willard regarding the Flashing episode and Willy told Izzy that I DID NOT flash him. Izzy then went on to say that he must have misunderstood what Willy was saying and that however I want to handle this he will understand. He also apologised for making me upset and he hopes i dont think any less of him.


Good God..........

Men


And i thought women were drama queens.............

live and learn I tell ya..live and learn


Time for some much needed ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's